Advice to Women to Be Patient with an Unjust Husband Who Neglects Providing for the Children

The questioner:
May Allah reward you with good and do you well. A message from al-Qasim sent by a female listener. The questioner says: I am a woman who has been married for forty years. I have, praise be to Allah, sons and daughters, and they are righteous and upright, praise be to Allah. My husband has thrown me out of the house and threatened me with divorce. He had threatened to throw me out before, and Allah knows that I was patient for the sake of mending the relationship between us. He had previously thrown me out of the house, and I returned to him on the pretext of gathering the children, because they were young at the time. That incident was thirteen years ago. Now they have grown up and gotten married, praise be to Allah. Since I married him, I have been helping him with the household expenses. He did not clothe his sons and daughters, so I was the one who clothed them and gave to them. He did not know them except for half of the household expenses. His concern was the world and accumulating wealth. I did not demand my right of provision from him. I was patient with the calamities he inflicted on me for the sake of my daughters. I was patient with the insults and abuse he directed at me. He did not treat me with good conduct. He did not want me to sit with him or speak to him. He has now thrown me out with my daughters. This is my problem. The question is: Does his divorce take effect? Do I bear any sin for what he did to me? What is your opinion on that? What is your opinion on his neglect of providing for me? Is he sinful? What is your opinion on his saying that I am a Jew? And other such insults and abuse. I ask you to pray for me, O Shaykh. I know that he does not abandon the prayer; he is consistent with it in congregation at all times. He fasts Ramadan and has performed Hajj more than once. He reads the Noble Qur'an. Give us a ruling, may you be rewarded. May Allah reward you with good and keep us and you upon the straight path. And may Allah send prayers and blessings upon Muhammad, his family, and all his Companions.

The Shaykh:
The situation described by the questioner is frequently reported by many women due to the arbitrariness of husbands, or many husbands, toward their wives. This is not permissible. Allah, Glorified and Exalted is He, commanded good treatment, holding on to the wife with good conduct, or parting with kindness. Regarding the situation the questioner described with her husband, and that he mistreats her, but she was patient, she is rewarded for that, if Allah wills. As for the future, and that he divorced her and threw her out, it appears from the question that he has no desire for her, and that he divorced her and did not take her back. So the question is: The divorce takes effect with its conditions that are considered valid in the Shari'ah. If she has completed the waiting period, she is separated from him, and the marriage contract between them has ended. However, if the waiting period is still ongoing and the divorce is less than three, he may take her back and treat her well. In any case, I do not see what necessitates this woman raising this question, because these are matters that have passed and ended, ending in divorce, and her husband did not take her back, and he has no desire for her. So she should be patient and seek reward from Allah, the Exalted and Majestic. And Allah, Glorified and Exalted is He, will facilitate for her a righteous husband, or remaining for the rest of her life with her children and her family in goodness and well-being. Yes.

The presenter:
May Allah reward you with good, and may He do you good.

The questioner:
Shaykh Salih, he threw her out with her daughters. Perhaps you have a word, Shaykh Salih?

The Shaykh:
There is no doubt that the daughters' maintenance is the responsibility of their father. Even if he threw her and her daughters out, the maintenance of the daughters does not fall off him. So it is obligatory for him to provide for them, even if they are with their mother. And if she is unable to raise them and protect them, it is obligatory for him to gather the daughters to him, and to protect them, and to raise them on virtue and modesty, and not to neglect his daughters and leave them outside his house, exposed to fitnah (trial, discord or temptation), exposed to being lost to him.