A Wrong Custom Among Women: Frequent Visits That Affect the Care of Their Homes and Their Worship

The questioner:
May Allah reward you with good and do you good. A listener says: Your sister, Umm Ahmad. Umm Ahmad recounts a case in a page and a half. She says that in her country, they have a custom. It is the frequent visiting of women to one another for the slightest occasion. They call this visit "coffee" or "al-Budwah." Consequently, they visit one another so that a woman does not miss out on the visits, and this often affects her absence from her home and the raising of her children, and even their acts of worship, as some of them pray quickly so that they can make it to the visit. So she asks you about this custom, Shaykh Salih, may Allah reward you with good, and what is your guidance?

The Shaykh:
This is an inappropriate custom. Visiting within reasonable limits, where no harms or corruptions result among the neighbors, is permissible. However, if it becomes frequent and repeated, and it leads to the neglect of household affairs—indeed, the questioner mentioned that it even leads to neglecting worship—then this visit is not permissible. Also, the husband’s permission is required, for a woman does not leave her home except with her husband’s permission. Allah, Mighty and Majestic, says to the wives of His Prophet: staying in their homes, because this is more protective for the woman. And the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: and their homes are better for them. He made the woman’s prayer in her home better and more excellent for her than her prayer in the mosque. If this is the case with worship and going out for it, and performing worship at home is better for a woman than performing it in the mosque due to her need to stay in the home and the home’s need for her, then matters other than worship are all the more so. A woman should not strive to leave her home except for what is necessary, and she should not repeat leaving her home, for this is better for her, more protective for her, and more secure for her fulfillment of her household duties and her performance of what Allah has obligated upon her of worship. There is nothing in frequent going out but harms, the waste of time, and the squandering of worldly and hereafter interests. Yes.

The presenter:
May Allah reward you with good and do you good. She says that if one of the women advises them or stays away from participating in these visits, they look at her in a certain way and perhaps describe her as withdrawn. What is your guidance for one who boycotts them in these non-obligatory visits? We need your guidance, may Allah preserve you.

The Shaykh:
What is said about her does not harm her if she delays these visits that have no benefit. Even if they say what they say about her, she is in the right, and the one who targets her and speaks about her is not in the right; rather, he is an oppressor and a transgressor. In any case, a person does not look at people and what they say, but rather looks at the truth, at what is correct, and at conforming to the religious ruling. This is the obligation of every Muslim.