Advice for one who falls into the secret habit and is unable to marry

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Question:
May Allah reward you with good. Honorable Shaykh, Allah has granted me steadfastness, and I am a young, unmarried man who has been unable to marry due to the high cost of the dowry in my family. I face desire, so I sometimes fall into what is called the secret habit. Then I repent, and I fall into it again after a period. I am fasting and sad about what has befallen me. What is your advice to me?

Answer:
Allah, Glorified and Exalted is He, said:

But let them who find not [the means for] marriage abstain [from sexual relations] until Allah enriches them

وَلْيَسْتَعْفِفِ الَّذِينَ لَا يَجِدُونَ نِكَاحًا حَتَّىٰ يُغْنِيَهُمُ اللَّهُ مِن

[An-Nur 24:33]

He restrains himself and is patient. He did not say he performs the secret habit.
The secret habit is not permissible because it is taking pleasure in what Allah has not made lawful. Taking pleasure is only lawful within the marriage contract, with one’s wife or with a slave one owns.

⁽⁵⁾ And they who guard their private parts ⁽⁶⁾ Except from their wives or those their right hands possess, for indeed, they will not be blamed - ⁽⁷⁾ But whoever seeks

وَالَّذِينَ هُمْ لِفُرُوجِهِمْ حَافِظُونَ إِلَّا عَلَىٰ أَزْوَاجِهِمْ أَوْ مَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُهُمْ فَإِنَّهُمْ غَيْرُ مَلُومِينَ فَمَنِ ابْتَغَىٰ وَرَاءَ

[Al-Mu'minun 23:5-7]

That is, other than

beyond that, then those are the transgressors -

ذَٰلِكَ فَأُولَٰئِكَ هُمُ الْعَادُونَ

[Al-Mu'minun 23:7]

. And the secret habit is among that, for it is taking pleasure in what Allah has not made lawful.
So you must restrain yourself, you must be patient, and strive in seeking provision and earning in order to marry. Even if you find someone who will lend to you and help you, borrow in order to restrain yourself and repay him later. Strive by any means you can to marry and rely upon Allah, Glorified and Exalted is He.
Another matter to which the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) guided. He said: O young men

Whoever among you can afford it, let him get married, and whoever cannot then he should fast, for it will be a restraint (wija') for him.

من استطاع منكم الباءة فليتزوج. ومن لم يستطع فعليه بالصوم فانه له وجاء

Sunan an-Nasa'i 3208Sahih (Darussalam)

. Fasting weakens desire.
So you must fast, voluntary fasting more than obligatory fasting, along with seeking help from Allah, Glorified and Exalted is He, restraining yourself, lowering the gaze, and staying away from arousing trials, such as looking at what arouses your desire, whether in obscene films on obscene screens and satellite channels, in obscene pictures in magazines or elsewhere. Looking at uncovered women, stay away from these matters in order that Allah may protect you from falling into what is forbidden. Yes.

Source قناة «العلامة الدكتور صالح الفوزان»، محاضرات في العقيدة والدعوة-03-التوبة آداب وأحكام|صالح الفوزان|كبار العلماء — youtube.com (27:02)

The Arabic text is a machine transcription of the audio recording.

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