The mother-in-law cannot bear to live with her son’s wife, and many problems arise between them; what is the guidance for one who suffers from her husband’s mother?
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The questioner:
May Allah reward you with good and do you well. After this, a message reached the program from one of our sisters from al-Madinah al-Munawwarah, saying: Sīn, 'Ayn, Dāl. Our sister says: I am a married woman and I have a daughter. I used to live with my husband’s mother in the same house. But many problems occurred between us; she is a very, very hot-tempered woman. So I asked to live alone in another house, and that was done for me. But despite that, the problems between us continue. She always insults me, curses my family, and accuses me of theft. She says I bewitched her and her son, and accuses me of things within the limits of Allah. She asks my husband to divorce me. And because of the many problems, I have come to hate her; I do not visit her, and I do not like to see her. She does not want me to visit her, and she does not like to see me either. We have been in this state of separation for two years and more. My question is: Is there a sin on me for not visiting her? Knowing that my husband and my daughter visit her. And I tried hard with my husband to reconcile us, but he does not prefer that, to avoid problems.
The Shaykh:
First, you must be patient.
The presenter:
Yes.
The Shaykh:
And you will have a reward from Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He) for that, especially since she is your husband’s mother. In being patient with her, there are benefits, such as pleasing the husband, and the family coming together without rupture or estrangement between them. Second, she should pardon and overlook her husband’s mother, even if she commits a wrong against her.
He, the Exalted and Glorious, said:[Al-Mu'minun 23:96] And He, the Exalted, said: [Fussilat 41:34] meaning to [Fussilat 41:34]. [Fussilat 41:35], [Fussilat 41:36] So you must be patient with the mistreatment you receive from your husband's mother, and meet it with forgiveness and pardon, for that is better with Allah, the Exalted and Glorious, and more likely to lead to the rectification of affairs. He, the Exalted, said: "Then, as for he who [Fussilat 41:34]," and He, the Exalted, said: [Ash-Shuraa 42:40] As for the husband, it is obligatory for him to reconcile his mother with his wife, and he must not take a passive stance; rather, he must intervene to reconcile them, satisfy his mother, and convince his wife. By doing so, matters will be healed, by the permission of Allah, and the discord will disappear. Yes.
May Allah reward you with good and do you well. After this, a message reached the program from one of our sisters from al-Madinah al-Munawwarah, saying: Sīn, 'Ayn, Dāl. Our sister says: I am a married woman and I have a daughter. I used to live with my husband’s mother in the same house. But many problems occurred between us; she is a very, very hot-tempered woman. So I asked to live alone in another house, and that was done for me. But despite that, the problems between us continue. She always insults me, curses my family, and accuses me of theft. She says I bewitched her and her son, and accuses me of things within the limits of Allah. She asks my husband to divorce me. And because of the many problems, I have come to hate her; I do not visit her, and I do not like to see her. She does not want me to visit her, and she does not like to see me either. We have been in this state of separation for two years and more. My question is: Is there a sin on me for not visiting her? Knowing that my husband and my daughter visit her. And I tried hard with my husband to reconcile us, but he does not prefer that, to avoid problems.
The Shaykh:
First, you must be patient.
The presenter:
Yes.
The Shaykh:
And you will have a reward from Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He) for that, especially since she is your husband’s mother. In being patient with her, there are benefits, such as pleasing the husband, and the family coming together without rupture or estrangement between them. Second, she should pardon and overlook her husband’s mother, even if she commits a wrong against her.
He, the Exalted and Glorious, said:
Repel, by [means of] what is best, [their] evil.
ادْفَعْ بِالَّتِي هِيَ أَحْسَنُ السَّيِّئَةَAnd not equal are the good deed and the bad. Repel [evil] by that [deed] which is better
وَلَا تَسْتَوِي الْحَسَنَةُ وَلَا السَّيِّئَةُ ادْفَعْ بِالَّتِي هِيَ أَحْسَنُthe one whom between you and him is enmity [will become] as though he was a devoted friend.
الَّذِي بَيْنَكَ وَبَيْنَهُ عَدَاوَةٌ كَأَنَّهُ وَلِيٌّ حَمِيمٌBut none is granted it except those who are patient, and none is granted it except one having a great portion [of good].
وَمَا يُلَقَّاهَا إِلَّا الَّذِينَ صَبَرُوا وَمَا يُلَقَّاهَا إِلَّا ذُو حَظٍّ عَظِيمٍAnd if there comes to you from Satan an evil suggestion, then seek refuge in Allah. Indeed, He is the Hearing, the Knowing.
وَإِمَّا يَنزَغَنَّكَ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ نَزْغٌ فَاسْتَعِذْ بِاللَّهِ إِنَّهُ هُوَ السَّمِيعُ الْعَلِيمُbetween you and him is enmity [will become] as though he was a devoted friend.
بَيْنَكَ وَبَيْنَهُ عَدَاوَةٌ كَأَنَّهُ وَلِيٌّ حَمِيمٌbut whoever pardons and makes reconciliation - his reward is [due] from Allah
فَمَنْ عَفَا وَأَصْلَحَ فَأَجْرُهُ عَلَى اللَّهِ
Source
قناة «العلامة الدكتور صالح الفوزان»، 4027- الأم لا تطيق العيش مع زوجة ابنها، وتقع بينهما مشاكل كثيرة، فما التوجيه لمن تعاني من أم زوجها؟ — youtube.com
The Arabic text is a machine transcription of the audio recording.