The Role of the Woman in Preserving the Marriage

The questioner:
Now, you, as the father of the wife, not as a man defending the rights of husbands—the women are tired of defending the rights of husbands. We say we are speaking for the benefit of the wife, and we ask you as the father of all the daughters of your society: Can we say that a woman can preserve her husband? I know a man who praises his wife, saying she swears, saying, "By Allah, I will make you rejoice in the day you married me." She was his third wife. Is it possible, religiously and rationally, for you to call upon women to say that a woman, whatever the influences she faces from her husband's severity, the harshness of his character, and the multitude of trials, if she wills, through good conduct as a wife, gentleness, and seeking reward from Allah, if she wills, she can preserve her husband? Can we say that?

The Shaykh:
There is no doubt that the woman has a great role in attracting her husband's affection and being a good wife to him, and in having good conduct with him. She may captivate him with her character.

The presenter:
Yes, the best thing is

The Shaykh:
And she captivates him with her good conduct with him, even if he is not one hundred percent interested in her. The man's view of the woman may not be a good one, but if the woman offers good character, kind treatment, and good conduct.
Then she captivates her husband, and he averts his gaze from any deficiency in her. This is as the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) said, that a believer does not dislike a believing woman; if he is displeased with her character, he is pleased with another aspect of her character. And the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) informed that there must be some crookedness in a woman, because she was created from a rib, and the crookedest part of the rib is its top. If you try to straighten it, you break it, and its breaking is its divorce, . Yes. It appears that this hadith is an advice to men to be gentle with women. There is no doubt, yes, the man is not necessarily one hundred percent interested in the woman. He may have some aversion to her, or he may dislike something of her character, or her body, or her lack of beauty. But he looks at the great benefits that are attached to her, and to the rest of her noble character and good conduct, and he overlooks the trivial matter.