My wife’s mother and her father have behaviors that I find strange and unusual, things I have never encountered in my life, and for example?

The questioner:
This is a letter sent by one of the listeners, beginning with: “I hope you will allow me, may Allah reward you, to speak at length about some matters that are troubling me. I hope to draw from the fragrance of your fatwas what will ease my chest, light my path, and guide me to the right. I have several inquiries. First, my wife’s mother and her father have behaviors that I find strange and unusual, things I have never encountered in my life. For example, and not limited to this, they do not care for their daughters—my wife and her sisters—in a noticeable way. They have four married daughters, all of whom have children, and one of these daughters lives in the same building as them. However, they do not love this daughter, do not visit her in her apartment, and do not ask about her condition, even though they know that her husband is going through difficult circumstances and may not find enough to eat in a day, and may sometimes go to bed hungry. Although this daughter is accustomed to going to them every morning to greet them and check on them, her parents do not visit her or check on her. It is known that they continuously visit their favorite daughter, who lives far from them, and they spend days and days with her, and they spend on her and her husband whatever expenses they need, even though her husband works and lives in high-level housing. This is the issue, Shaykh Salih.”

The Shaykh:
In any case, this is a claim made by the questioner, but we do not know the circumstances of this story or the reasons. Perhaps the parents have an excuse in their treatment of this daughter because she is rude to them or because she angered them; this is possible. If what the questioner mentioned is true, and there is no reason from the daughter’s side, then there is no doubt that this is a mistake and a severing of family ties, and it is not permissible for them to do so. Indeed, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) forbade being unjust to some children over others. He (peace and blessings be upon him) said: Therefore, it is obligatory for the parents to be just between their children. But perhaps there is a reason from the child that leads the parents to treat him as the questioner described. So the daughter should examine herself and seek forgiveness from her parents if she has wronged them. And the parents, if there is no reason from the daughter’s side, should repent to Allah the Exalted and Majestic, and improve their treatment of their daughters, treating their daughters with justice and kindness. Yes.

The presenter:
May Allah reward you with good, and may He do you good. Shaykh Salih, if the daughter visits them constantly, is it obligatory for the parents to return the visit, or is the daughter’s visit to her parents sufficient?

The Shaykh:
This is obligatory for the daughter.

The presenter:
It is obligatory, we know.

The Shaykh:
That she visits her parents. If her parents or one of them visits her, that is also an act of kindness, but the obligation is on the daughter.

The presenter:
May Allah reward you with good, and may He do you good. He says: Since they do not visit him or his wife, if he cuts off ties with them, will he be wrong and be one who severs family ties, or is it necessary for him to visit them? May Allah reward you with good, and may He do you good.

The Shaykh:
Yes, if he leaves off visiting them, he will be one who severs family ties. Maintaining family ties does not depend on the relative being kind to the one who maintains the tie. That would be a matter of reciprocity, meaning: you do not maintain ties except with those who maintain ties with you and are kind to you. This is not maintaining ties; rather, it is reciprocity. The one who maintains ties is the one who maintains his relatives even if they cut him off, as in the hadith: Even though the legal principle mentioned by Allah in His saying: This applies to people in general, and it is even more applicable to relatives. Yes.