Studying in a coeducational university, obeying the father, and the oath of divorce
Machine translationRead the Arabic original
The questioner:
This is a letter we received from a sister in Iraq. She says in her letter that she is a religious girl in a righteous family, but her problem is that she is in her first year of university, and the university is coeducational with boys and girls. She asks about the ruling on her mixing with the young men. She says she tried to leave the university, but her father refused and became angry, saying, “If you leave the university, I will divorce your mother.” Or she says he swore that he would divorce her mother if she left the university. He said this more than three times. So, is it permissible for me to disobey my father and leave the university? And does the divorce take effect on my mother?
The Shaykh:
As for studying in a coeducational university, it is a trial and a great evil. You are not permitted to study in a coeducational university, because this is dangerous for your religion, your morals, and your honor. So you must refrain from studying in a coeducational university and preserve your honor and your religion, even if your father is angry. For the Messenger (peace be upon him) said, “Obedience is only in what is right. There is no obedience to a created being in disobedience to the Creator.” And your father, if he has jealousy, should fear Allah and prevent you from the university. He should not allow you to go to the university; rather, he should prevent you. This is what is obligatory for the jealous father and the jealous mother. For your mixing with the young men involves a great danger. So you are not permitted to mix with them. You should stay in the house, and the knowledge you have obtained is sufficient. You are not required to obey your father in this matter, just as if he ordered you to drink intoxicants or commit unlawful sexual intercourse, you would not obey him in that. Likewise, if he ordered you to go out unveiled, bare, or with your head uncovered, or the like, all of this is wrong. You are not required to obey him. Obedience is only in what is right, as the Chosen One (peace and blessings be upon him) said. Indeed, Allah said to His Prophet, “And do not disobey me in what is right” (or similar meaning regarding obedience in good). And he (peace and blessings be upon him) does not order us to do what is wrong (peace and blessings be upon him), but rather for teaching and clarification. The evil of this matter is great and its consequences are severe. So fear Allah and beware. And your father and your mother should fear Allah (Exalted and Majestic is He) and prevent you from this. Even if he divorces your mother, it will not harm you. Perhaps Allah will grant her something better than him. Obedience to the parent in disobedience is a matter that is not permissible. And his threatening with divorce also does not obligate you to study in a coeducational university, even if he divorces your mother.
The questioner:
And we ask Allah for guidance for everyone. May Allah bless you. But if we assume that she disobeyed her father, does the oath itself constitute a divorce?
The Shaykh:
And she did not flee to the university. So, according to the scholars, if he said, “If she does not go, I will divorce her,” and it is a threat from himself, I say, “I will divorce this one” is a promise, this is a threat, it does not harm, nothing takes effect by it. If he said, “If you do not go to the university, I will divorce your mother,” this is in the category of a threat, nothing takes effect by it. But if he said, “The divorce is upon me if she does not go to the university,” this is the one that requires a distinction. If he meant by “the divorce is upon me” that he is urging her to go and frightening her, and she did not go, then you are required to make a vow (or the ruling is that of an oath). But if he said that intentionally and with the intention that if she does not go out to the university and does not go, then her mother is divorced, then one divorce takes effect on her mother by that. One divorce, if this statement came from her father. If she does not go to the university and her mother is divorced, then one divorce takes effect on her by that if she does not go according to his intention, according to his intention. But if he only intended to frighten her so that she might hasten and go to the university, then the threat does not constitute an oath, according to the correct view. The ruling is the ruling of an oath.
The presenter:
Yes, may Allah bless you,
This is a letter we received from a sister in Iraq. She says in her letter that she is a religious girl in a righteous family, but her problem is that she is in her first year of university, and the university is coeducational with boys and girls. She asks about the ruling on her mixing with the young men. She says she tried to leave the university, but her father refused and became angry, saying, “If you leave the university, I will divorce your mother.” Or she says he swore that he would divorce her mother if she left the university. He said this more than three times. So, is it permissible for me to disobey my father and leave the university? And does the divorce take effect on my mother?
The Shaykh:
As for studying in a coeducational university, it is a trial and a great evil. You are not permitted to study in a coeducational university, because this is dangerous for your religion, your morals, and your honor. So you must refrain from studying in a coeducational university and preserve your honor and your religion, even if your father is angry. For the Messenger (peace be upon him) said, “Obedience is only in what is right. There is no obedience to a created being in disobedience to the Creator.” And your father, if he has jealousy, should fear Allah and prevent you from the university. He should not allow you to go to the university; rather, he should prevent you. This is what is obligatory for the jealous father and the jealous mother. For your mixing with the young men involves a great danger. So you are not permitted to mix with them. You should stay in the house, and the knowledge you have obtained is sufficient. You are not required to obey your father in this matter, just as if he ordered you to drink intoxicants or commit unlawful sexual intercourse, you would not obey him in that. Likewise, if he ordered you to go out unveiled, bare, or with your head uncovered, or the like, all of this is wrong. You are not required to obey him. Obedience is only in what is right, as the Chosen One (peace and blessings be upon him) said. Indeed, Allah said to His Prophet, “And do not disobey me in what is right” (or similar meaning regarding obedience in good). And he (peace and blessings be upon him) does not order us to do what is wrong (peace and blessings be upon him), but rather for teaching and clarification. The evil of this matter is great and its consequences are severe. So fear Allah and beware. And your father and your mother should fear Allah (Exalted and Majestic is He) and prevent you from this. Even if he divorces your mother, it will not harm you. Perhaps Allah will grant her something better than him. Obedience to the parent in disobedience is a matter that is not permissible. And his threatening with divorce also does not obligate you to study in a coeducational university, even if he divorces your mother.
The questioner:
And we ask Allah for guidance for everyone. May Allah bless you. But if we assume that she disobeyed her father, does the oath itself constitute a divorce?
The Shaykh:
And she did not flee to the university. So, according to the scholars, if he said, “If she does not go, I will divorce her,” and it is a threat from himself, I say, “I will divorce this one” is a promise, this is a threat, it does not harm, nothing takes effect by it. If he said, “If you do not go to the university, I will divorce your mother,” this is in the category of a threat, nothing takes effect by it. But if he said, “The divorce is upon me if she does not go to the university,” this is the one that requires a distinction. If he meant by “the divorce is upon me” that he is urging her to go and frightening her, and she did not go, then you are required to make a vow (or the ruling is that of an oath). But if he said that intentionally and with the intention that if she does not go out to the university and does not go, then her mother is divorced, then one divorce takes effect on her mother by that. One divorce, if this statement came from her father. If she does not go to the university and her mother is divorced, then one divorce takes effect on her by that if she does not go according to his intention, according to his intention. But if he only intended to frighten her so that she might hasten and go to the university, then the threat does not constitute an oath, according to the correct view. The ruling is the ruling of an oath.
The presenter:
Yes, may Allah bless you,
Source
ندوات الجامع الكبير مع الأسئلة - ٧١ — archive.org (1:26:19)
The Arabic text is a machine transcription of the audio recording.