How should a son treat his father who abandons prayer and severs family ties?
Machine translationRead the Arabic original
The questioner : All right, the last question, Honorable Shaykh. There is a man whose father does not pray and does not fast for his whole life, except out of shyness a few times. He has six sisters, and he has not maintained ties with any of them in his life.
The Shaykh : What?
The questioner : He has not maintained ties with any of these six sisters.
The Shaykh : You mean he has not maintained ties?
The questioner : He cut off family ties. He cut off family ties.
The Shaykh : Yes, he has not maintained ties. All right.
The questioner : And he is over sixty years old. I do not know what this man, the son, should do or what he should do to save his father, his dad? He has many violations. Please give us a ruling, may Allah reward you with good.
The Shaykh : We do not have an answer for this. What is the state of his relationship with his father and what is he able to do? How old is the son?
The questioner : Twenty-eight years old.
The Shaykh : And the father is sixty. All right, has he admonished him?
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : He admonished him, but he did not respond to him. He only prays to Allah for him. Does he live with him or not?
The questioner : No, he does not live with him.
The Shaykh : Does he support him?
The questioner : Yes, he supports him.
The Shaykh : And he is dutiful to him, he honors him?
The questioner : Yes, if Allah wills.
The Shaykh : This is a dangerous situation. But. Yes, if Allah wills, it is like... the sea.
The questioner : Ah...
The Shaykh : That is the matter.
The questioner : My father.
The Shaykh : He sacrifices? Yes.
The questioner : He is my father. Yes.
The Shaykh : May Allah bless you. If you have advised him and he did not respond to your advice, and it seems to me now, since you are present before us, is he, in terms of his character and nature, when you advise him, does he listen to you, does he pay attention to you, or does he scold you?
The questioner : He listens. He listens, yes.
The Shaykh : So the previous question. And is it that you have advised him? I mean, are you carrying out the advice and following up with the advice?
The questioner : It is a small thing because...
The Shaykh : He is far away.
The questioner : He is far from me, he comes very little.
The Shaykh : I mean, is he outside Amman?
The questioner : He lives in al-Tafilah.
The Shaykh : All right, do you visit him, do you keep in touch with him? Yes, good.
The questioner : It is a small thing, I do not visit him much, only on the occasions of the festivals.
The Shaykh : No, that is not enough. Therefore, now that you have clarified that the one responsible for him is your father, you must first increase your contact with him.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : And you must use the contact as a means to increase your advice to him, yes. Especially since you say, and this returns good to him, that he is patient with your reminders and your advice to him. So you must take advantage of this opportunity and first increase your contact with him, second admonish him, and third and finally honor him with money if you are able, because... yes.
He mentions now, along with what I recall, that the poet says: “Be kind to people, and their hearts will be enslaved to you; for as long as a person is enslaved by kindness.” Especially a son with his mother; he must honor them with the broadest possible honor. So, to the extent of your ability, this is between you and your Lord. However, it is necessary to remind you here that the advice must be in the Ibrahimite, Hanif manner: “O my father, O my father, O my father.” Did you understand how the advice should be? That is, with gentleness and softness, following in that the way of our master Ibrahim (peace and blessings be upon him), as narrated in the Noble Qur’an, starting from the saying of the Lord of the Worlds:[Al-Isra 17:23]. [Al-Isra 17:24] That is why I told you, before I knew that he was your father, that you should pray for him. But now, since he is your father, you must apply the text of this verse exactly in all its meanings, which is: [Al-Isra 17:23-24]. And I know from experience that many young men, among the sons, either grew up in obedience to Allah and were thus included in the generality of His saying (peace and blessings be upon him): Muwatta Malik 51:14 in obedience to Allah, or they grew up in obedience to Allah, or Allah guided them after their misguidance, because they had followed their father in misguidance. We know that this type of youth, whether they grew up in obedience to Allah or whether guidance came to them later, are afflicted with some arrogance and some haughtiness toward their fathers and mothers. You find that when they advise their father and mother, they place themselves above and place the parents below. This manner becomes a cause of their being turned away from the path of Allah, instead of being a manner to bring them to the obedience of Allah.
Therefore, perhaps you will do this advice and advise your father after you reconnect with him and try to honor him as much as you can. Be gentle in your admonition and do not raise your voice against him or be haughty in your speech to him. This is the answer to your last question, and perhaps Allah the Mighty and Majestic will guide him to the straight path.
The questioner : Present.
The Shaykh : What?
The questioner : He has not maintained ties with any of these six sisters.
The Shaykh : You mean he has not maintained ties?
The questioner : He cut off family ties. He cut off family ties.
The Shaykh : Yes, he has not maintained ties. All right.
The questioner : And he is over sixty years old. I do not know what this man, the son, should do or what he should do to save his father, his dad? He has many violations. Please give us a ruling, may Allah reward you with good.
The Shaykh : We do not have an answer for this. What is the state of his relationship with his father and what is he able to do? How old is the son?
The questioner : Twenty-eight years old.
The Shaykh : And the father is sixty. All right, has he admonished him?
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : He admonished him, but he did not respond to him. He only prays to Allah for him. Does he live with him or not?
The questioner : No, he does not live with him.
The Shaykh : Does he support him?
The questioner : Yes, he supports him.
The Shaykh : And he is dutiful to him, he honors him?
The questioner : Yes, if Allah wills.
The Shaykh : This is a dangerous situation. But. Yes, if Allah wills, it is like... the sea.
The questioner : Ah...
The Shaykh : That is the matter.
The questioner : My father.
The Shaykh : He sacrifices? Yes.
The questioner : He is my father. Yes.
The Shaykh : May Allah bless you. If you have advised him and he did not respond to your advice, and it seems to me now, since you are present before us, is he, in terms of his character and nature, when you advise him, does he listen to you, does he pay attention to you, or does he scold you?
The questioner : He listens. He listens, yes.
The Shaykh : So the previous question. And is it that you have advised him? I mean, are you carrying out the advice and following up with the advice?
The questioner : It is a small thing because...
The Shaykh : He is far away.
The questioner : He is far from me, he comes very little.
The Shaykh : I mean, is he outside Amman?
The questioner : He lives in al-Tafilah.
The Shaykh : All right, do you visit him, do you keep in touch with him? Yes, good.
The questioner : It is a small thing, I do not visit him much, only on the occasions of the festivals.
The Shaykh : No, that is not enough. Therefore, now that you have clarified that the one responsible for him is your father, you must first increase your contact with him.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : And you must use the contact as a means to increase your advice to him, yes. Especially since you say, and this returns good to him, that he is patient with your reminders and your advice to him. So you must take advantage of this opportunity and first increase your contact with him, second admonish him, and third and finally honor him with money if you are able, because... yes.
He mentions now, along with what I recall, that the poet says: “Be kind to people, and their hearts will be enslaved to you; for as long as a person is enslaved by kindness.” Especially a son with his mother; he must honor them with the broadest possible honor. So, to the extent of your ability, this is between you and your Lord. However, it is necessary to remind you here that the advice must be in the Ibrahimite, Hanif manner: “O my father, O my father, O my father.” Did you understand how the advice should be? That is, with gentleness and softness, following in that the way of our master Ibrahim (peace and blessings be upon him), as narrated in the Noble Qur’an, starting from the saying of the Lord of the Worlds:
And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.
وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَا أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًاAnd lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, "My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small."
وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًاsay not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. (24) And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, "My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small."
فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَا أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًاThere are seven whom Allah will shade in His shade on the day on which there is no shade except His shade: a just imam, a youth who grows up
سبعة يظلهم الله تحت ظله يوم لا ظل إلا ظله إمام عادل وشاب نشأTherefore, perhaps you will do this advice and advise your father after you reconnect with him and try to honor him as much as you can. Be gentle in your admonition and do not raise your voice against him or be haughty in your speech to him. This is the answer to your last question, and perhaps Allah the Mighty and Majestic will guide him to the straight path.
The questioner : Present.
Source
سلسلة الهدى والنور، المجلس 967 — d3watuna.com (15:14)
The Arabic text is a machine transcription of the audio recording.