The Rights of Parents and the Command to Be Kind to Them

Question:
We return to the beginning of this episode with a message sent to the program by one of our female listeners. She says: “Your sister in Allah, the sister of a martyr, our sister says: I praise Allah; I fully know the rights of parents and their precedence and honor. I do everything I can to help my mother and to do whatever she loves and approves of. I also try to advise her. I do not say that my mother hates me, because I know that no father or mother hates their children, but I say that she annoys me in every way. She is constantly cursing for the most trivial reasons, and whenever I make a small mistake, she makes a huge fuss. I am extremely careful to please her and to be dutiful to her; I sacrifice everything I have to make her happy, all for the sake of Allah the Exalted. By Allah, in whom there is no god but He, my heart is breaking with pain because I find no way to please her. She curses me a lot and does not speak to me except with cursing. I respond to all of this with silence, saying not a single word back to her so that I do not lose my temper when speaking with her. Honorable Shaykh, I ask you to guide me and ease my heart. Do I count as undutiful to my parents because I fear undutifulness? Sometimes periods pass where I do not speak to her because she has nothing but insults, and she never speaks to me except in this way. Please give us a ruling. May Allah reward you with good.”

Answer:
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. Praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds. And may Allah send prayers and blessings upon our Prophet Muhammad, his family, and his Companions. To proceed: There is no doubt that the right of the parents is great. Allah commanded kindness to the parents, commanded dutifulness to them, and commanded obedience to them in what is right, because of their virtue over the child after Allah, Glorified and Exalted is He. Allah the Exalted said: And He, Glorified is He, said: So the right of the parents comes immediately after the right of Allah, Glorified and Exalted is He, due to its certainty and importance. And He, Glorified and Exalted is He, forbade mistreating them, even with the slightest thing. He, Glorified is He, said: “And do not repel them” . As for what the questioner mentioned, that she is kind to her mother, but her mother responds to her with mistreatment and harshness, then it is obligatory for her to be patient and to seek reward from Allah.
She is, if Allah wills, a person of high status for her patience, her seeking of reward, and her kindness to her mother. This is because the virtue of her mother over her is greater than the slight mistreatment that comes from her. However, the mother, and every parent, should improve their character with their children and help them to be dutiful to them, and not drive them away or use harshness with them. For it is required of the Muslim to have good conduct with everyone. Allah the Exalted said: “And speak to people what is good.” If this is the case with people in general, then with relatives it is even more so, and with the closest of relatives, who are the children, it is even more so. So this mother should improve her character, be gentle with her daughter, and help her to be dutiful to her. Yes.