The Rights of Spouses Toward One Another

Question:
He says at the end of his letter: If a wife frequently disobeys her husband, what sin is upon her? We would like you to clarify for us the rights of the wife over her husband, and the rights of the husband over his wife. May Allah bless you?

Answer:
It is obligatory for the wife to obey her husband in what is good. Why would she disobey him when he asks for her in himself or in the needs of the house? The obligatory thing is to listen and obey in what is good, and to serve him in the manner of service known among people in the custom of her country, and not to disobey his command unless he commands her to disobey Allah. If he commands her to disobey, then there is no listening and no obedience. For example, if he says to her, “Do not pray at its time,” or commands her to drink intoxicants or to smoke, this is wrong, and she has no obedience to him in it. But if he commands her to do what is good and forbids her from what is wrong, or commands her with something permissible that he needs, then she must obey him in that, and it is obligatory upon her. It is authentically reported from the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) that he said So what is obligatory upon her is to listen and obey in what is good. If she delays in doing so without a valid religious excuse, she sins by that, and that is among the causes of the anger of Allah. But if she is excused because he asked for her for a need and she is excused because she is ill and cannot respond to his desire, or if she is excused by another excuse, then it is obligatory upon the husband not to be harsh, but to excuse her for her valid excuse, and to be good in his treatment of her, and not to be one who is much in harshness. Allah says, “And live with them in kindness,” and He says, the Exalted, And the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Treat women well” So it is obligatory upon the believer to be good in his treatment, good in his conduct, not to be harsh without cause, and upon the wife to listen and obey, to be good in her treatment, and to be far from opposition and disobedience. By this, matters are set right. But if he is harsh in his desires without cause, or if she disobeys the commands, then this is among the causes of separation and the non-persistence of this marital bond. The result is that each of them has upon them the duty of living with the other in kindness and fulfilling the right that is upon them. So the husband fulfills the right that is upon him of good treatment, good speech, a pleasant face, not frowning, and fulfilling her right in terms of her clothing, her food, her drink, and suitable housing. And upon her is listening and obedience, and that she respond to his desire and his need in himself and in what concerns his house, his clothes, and the like, according to the customary practice in her country. And she serves in the customary way, and he serves her according to his ability and capacity. And Allah is the One to be asked for help. Yes. May Allah reward you with good and may Allah bless you.