Does a daughter have to obey her father in marrying someone she does not want?
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Question : May Allah reward you. A woman asks: Does a woman have to obey her father in marrying her to someone she does not want, if the father does not pray?
Answer : Marry her to whom? Yes, the girl is not required to obey her father in marrying her to someone she does not want; rather, she has the choice. It is not permissible for the father to force her to marry someone she does not want. If he does so, the marriage is defective, and she is not lawful to the husband on that basis. The evidence is:
The saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him)Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1107Sahih (Darussalam), until her permission is taken. They said: O Messenger of Allah, how is the permission of the virgin taken? She is shy and does not speak.
He said: Her permission is her silence. If it is said to her, "O so-and-so, we are going to marry you to so-and-so, and his qualities are such and such and such," and she remains silent, do I marry her or not? Marry this virgin. And if she says, "No, I do not want to marry him?" No, it is forbidden, even if it is the father. And for this reason, it came in Sahih Muslim that the father takes the permission of the virgin. He specified the virgin and he specified the father. The view held by some scholars that the father marries his virgin daughter without taking her permission, based on the hadith of 'A'ishah that Abu Bakr married her to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) when she was young, and a young girl has no permission to give—how old was she when the Messenger married her? How old? Six years old. It is said: Glory be to Allah, where is the girl like 'A'ishah?
And where is the husband like the Messenger? This cannot be opposed in any way. But a man who marries his daughter to a person who says with her whole tongue and her whole voice that she does not want him, and he says, "No, it is forced upon you; either you marry this one or you throw yourself to death"—I seek refuge in Allah. This is forbidden and not permissible. She has the right to refuse to marry someone she does not want, even if her father or her mother wants it. Yes, if they point out a defect in his character or his religion, then she must avoid this. If they say to her, "This man who proposed to you is negligent in prayer, or a drinker of intoxicants, or has such and such that undermines his religion or his character," then she obeys them in refusing to marry this man. But if they do not mention anything, she obeys them. In summary, we have two issues. The first issue is the daughter's position regarding her father and mother if they designate a person for her: Is she required to obey them? The answer is no, she is not required to. The second issue is the position of the father and mother: Is it permissible for the father to marry his daughter to someone she does not want? The answer is no, even if he is the most serious person and the best in character, and she says, "I do not want him," it is not permissible to force her. But if the suitor is a match in his religion and character, then her father advises her and explains to her that a match is better than a non-match.
Answer : Marry her to whom? Yes, the girl is not required to obey her father in marrying her to someone she does not want; rather, she has the choice. It is not permissible for the father to force her to marry someone she does not want. If he does so, the marriage is defective, and she is not lawful to the husband on that basis. The evidence is:
The saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him)
a virgin should not be given in marriage until her permission is sought
لا تنكح البكر حتى تستأذنHe said: Her permission is her silence. If it is said to her, "O so-and-so, we are going to marry you to so-and-so, and his qualities are such and such and such," and she remains silent, do I marry her or not? Marry this virgin. And if she says, "No, I do not want to marry him?" No, it is forbidden, even if it is the father. And for this reason, it came in Sahih Muslim that the father takes the permission of the virgin. He specified the virgin and he specified the father. The view held by some scholars that the father marries his virgin daughter without taking her permission, based on the hadith of 'A'ishah that Abu Bakr married her to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) when she was young, and a young girl has no permission to give—how old was she when the Messenger married her? How old? Six years old. It is said: Glory be to Allah, where is the girl like 'A'ishah?
And where is the husband like the Messenger? This cannot be opposed in any way. But a man who marries his daughter to a person who says with her whole tongue and her whole voice that she does not want him, and he says, "No, it is forced upon you; either you marry this one or you throw yourself to death"—I seek refuge in Allah. This is forbidden and not permissible. She has the right to refuse to marry someone she does not want, even if her father or her mother wants it. Yes, if they point out a defect in his character or his religion, then she must avoid this. If they say to her, "This man who proposed to you is negligent in prayer, or a drinker of intoxicants, or has such and such that undermines his religion or his character," then she obeys them in refusing to marry this man. But if they do not mention anything, she obeys them. In summary, we have two issues. The first issue is the daughter's position regarding her father and mother if they designate a person for her: Is she required to obey them? The answer is no, she is not required to. The second issue is the position of the father and mother: Is it permissible for the father to marry his daughter to someone she does not want? The answer is no, even if he is the most serious person and the best in character, and she says, "I do not want him," it is not permissible to force her. But if the suitor is a match in his religion and character, then her father advises her and explains to her that a match is better than a non-match.
Source
قناة «فضيلة الشيخ محمد بن صالح العثيمين»، لقاء[11 من 42] هل تطيع البنت والدها في التزوج بمن لا تريده؟!! الشيخ ابن عثيمين - مشروع كبار العلماء — youtube.com
The Arabic text is a machine transcription of the audio recording.
