What is the ruling on young men imposing many conditions for marriage?

The questioner : When a young man intends to get married, meaning he proposes, he imposes twenty or thirty conditions: a scholar, twenty or thirty years old, committed, a student of knowledge, beautiful, religious, and so on. He tires himself and tires those with him, and then you find that after a period he gives up all these conditions and says, "I just want a woman." So, the excuse in this is not good, O Shaykh. As for the young men, it means they should condition that she be, may Allah protect us, religious, as came in the hadith.

The Shaykh : I don't know, and how is it that I didn't hear this? They give him, for example, a paper, a book, a volume with conditions in it?

The questioner : Some young men even condition on weight, her weight is such and such, her height is such and such, and then he tires himself and tires those with him.

The Shaykh : May Allah keep you safe.

The questioner : Until he comes to propose to twenty or thirty women, meaning he doesn't come to connect.

The Shaykh : There are.

The questioner : Yes. Allah.

The Shaykh : Hmm?

The questioner : First of all, a man of forty or fifty years old, it is not reasonable that he falls into a woman, meaning many qualities may appear.

The Shaykh : Yes, but they impose many conditions. This one imposes what? Her weight, her height, and her cut.

The questioner : I want to repeat the weight. Many. The one who means, O Shaykh, who has, for example, the quality of being with the young men, or helps the young men, for example, in searching for these, knows this. A Shaykh knows that hours ago a Shaykh was imposing twenty or thirty conditions. A moment ago, one of the brothers called me a few days ago, meaning one of the brothers from the students in the Eastern Province, he says he gave me conditions. I was surprised and said, "Do you want a beauty queen, but a Muslim, committed one?" Meaning conditions on weight, height, width, a student of knowledge at such and such a level, at such and such a university, her eyes are such and such, not such and such, right?

The Shaykh : No, and here I have this, which is not better. As long as, praise be to Allah, the Lawgiver has permitted you to look, and however much they describe to you, you will not grasp the matter in its reality. Then the quality also, meaning a person may find attractive what another does not find attractive. It is never consistent. For this reason, among the wisdom of the Lawgiver is that He permitted you to look instead of this. He says, "You have a woman; the most important thing is character and religion." Yes, and it is true that perhaps, for example, if he fears, because some people, for example, have great height, yes, as was published in the newspaper today, a Javanese woman whose height is two meters and thirty centimeters, or thirty-nine, what do you mean? Yes, and I think they removed a gland in her, Glory be to Allah the Great, which made her grow tall. Perhaps if he fears, because some people do not desire someone very tall, and likewise the very short one, he may ask about this if he fears, or otherwise he asks about religion and character?

The questioner : And he said, "Please, you see her with your own eyes."

The Shaykh : And I hold that the more conditions there are, as the scholars said, the less existence there is. The more conditions, the less obligation. A person must impose such and such and such and such. It is not difficult. Now, most young men say, "Give me a chance; is she just this?" And this, meaning, in truth, I hold that this level of artificiality may leave the girls as spinsters who find no one. And the most important thing, and in truth, you agree with this, is the comfort of the soul. If a person is at ease with his wife, sometimes he is at ease with his wife who is not that beautiful, but Allah places affection for her in his heart, and the temperaments are compatible, and their life is happy. And this is the most important thing. And how many a beautiful woman has caused her husband great hardship, and she became spoiled with him and says, "Bring me this and bring me that," and of course, he is infatuated with her because of her beauty, he submits to her and tires. And how many a person has a wife with whom Allah has made his eye content and he is at ease . Yes.