He says in his first question: After the marriage contract was concluded and before I consummated the marriage with my wife, I swore an oath of divorce to quit a bad habit I was practicing, saying, “My wife is divorced if I return to it.”

The questioner : He says in his first question: After the marriage contract was concluded and before I consummated the marriage with my wife, I swore an oath of divorce to quit a bad habit I was practicing, saying, “My wife is divorced if I return to it.” But I returned to it once, and our marital life continued as usual. What is the ruling on this oath? Please note that it was between me and myself, without her knowledge or the knowledge of her guardian. When I first made the oath of divorce, my intention was not to divorce her, but to quit this habit. The reason I continued our marital life is that I was told that as long as the oath was not made in front of her, it does not take effect. I am seeking further reassurance and benefit from you. May Allah reward you and grant us the best reward.

The Shaykh : I would like to introduce this question by saying that in recent times, many people have resorted to swearing oaths of divorce.

The questioner : Yes.

The Shaykh : So a person among them lets his tongue run loose in this matter over the most trivial things, and perhaps he makes it a final divorce with three pronouncements. This is something that a person should keep his tongue pure from, because the prescribed oath is only by Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He), as the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: So if you want to swear an oath, swear by Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He). Say, “By Allah, I will certainly do such and such,” or “By Allah, I will certainly not do such and such,” or by another name of Allah the Exalted, or by one of His attributes. As for swearing by divorce, or by freeing a slave, or by anything else, that is contrary to what the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) commanded. My advice to our brothers is not to let their tongues run loose with such an oath. Then I return to answer the questioner’s question, and I say: It is strange for you, my brother, that your first initiative toward your wife, whom you have contracted to marry but not yet consummated, is to attempt to divorce her by swearing an oath of divorce. Why did you not at least wait until you had consummated the marriage and some time had passed? Divorce is not a light matter to be played with over the most trivial things. For this reason, we find that many people who do not care about this matter, and who pronounce a definitive divorce that is not conditional and not intended as an oath, always regret it and go to the door of every scholar hoping to find a way out. If they had only returned to themselves and controlled their anger, that would have been better for them and more fitting.
As for your specific case, since you intended to refrain from this bad action, this conditional divorce has the ruling of an oath. If you violated what you swore to, you must pay the expiation for an oath, which is freeing a slave, or feeding ten poor people, or clothing them. If you cannot find the means to do so, then fast for three consecutive days. There is no difference between saying it when your wife has not heard it, or saying it while she is in front of you and hearing it. There is no difference.

The questioner : Yes.

The Shaykh : The fatwa given to you by the one who issued it, stating that because it was between you and yourself and you did not confront your wife with it, it is considered an oath—this fatwa is questionable. There is no difference, if you intended the oath, between saying it to your wife face-to-face, or saying it in a place where no one can hear you, or saying it in a place where someone other than your wife hears you.