Questions Concerning Oaths by the Forbidden and Divorce
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Question:
This is a question from the listener: Ahmad Khalil al-Sharif, from the Republic of Sudan, a teacher in northern Yemen. He says: Five problems occurred with my wife about eight years ago, and as a result, she left the house to her father’s house. The period was prolonged, and I requested her from her family and relatives because of my need for her and because the problems expand as the period lengthens. The time for Eid al-Fitr had arrived, and I wanted my wife to be in her house, hoping she would return. When I received news that she would not return, I swore an oath, saying: “Divorce is upon me if she does not return before the Eid, or before the month ends; she is divorced.” After the oath, I contacted her family so she would arrive before the deadline, but her father refused, and she did not arrive. My wife did not hear about this oath until after we reconciled. I then went to one of the scholars to retract the oath, but I do not remember what he ruled for me on that occasion.
The other time, I swore an oath of divorce on my wife, saying: “Divorce is upon me if you greet so-and-so; you are divorced.” I wanted to prevent her from greeting this man whom I do not feel comfortable with, especially since we might be gathered in one place because he is a relative, but she greeted him.
He says: In the third instance, following a disagreement, she wanted to leave the house. I wanted to prevent her from leaving and threaten her so she would not go out, lest there be more problems. So I swore an oath of divorce and said in the same oath: “You are forbidden to me like my mother and my sister if you go out of the house door.” I begged her not to go out of the house door, but she did. I also asked about this, and it was said: “Feed sixty poor people.” I did so, and it was said: “You have one divorce.”
In the fourth instance, I heard my wife say to one of my sons: “O son of the dog.” So I swore an oath, saying: “Divorce is upon me if you say that a second time; you are divorced.” I did not hear her say anything, but after this oath, she told me: “I was inattentive and said ‘O sons of the dog’ to my children,” knowing that I had sworn this oath, and she had not yet purified herself from her monthly period.
In the fifth instance, following a misunderstanding with her, I threatened her with divorce if she did not stop shouting, but she did not stop, time after time, and increased her shouting. I became extremely angry, and after resisting it, the words came out driven by anger. I said: “Divorce is upon me; you are divorced at that time, and you are forbidden to me like my mother and my sister.” Afterwards, I was certain that I had lost my children and my wife, but because of the intensity of the anger, I did not remember that I had said to her: “You are forbidden to me like my mother and my sister.” I ask: Does divorce not take place with extreme anger? What is its intensity? Is it necessary that I do not remember anything of what I said at all? Does this oath take place, even though I said it as a result of extreme anger? What do you see in these five cases?
Please inform me, may Allah reward you, is there still a chance for me to live with my wife or not?
Answer:
In any case, the questioner should not be lenient with this matter, nor should he frequent divorce or threaten with divorce. Rather, he should guard his tongue. So should every Muslim; he should not be lenient with divorce, but rather guard his tongue from divorce, threaten with something other than divorce, and warn with something other than divorce. He should advise his wife when she disobeys with what he sees as advice. As for divorce, it should be kept distant, because that may harm his state with his wife and may lead to separation from her. He should not threaten with divorce and should not use it as much as possible.
As for what happened to him in these five matters: The divorce he intended to use to threaten her and prevent her, and what he intended to effectuate when he said to her: “If the Eid comes, or the month ends before you arrive; you are divorced.” If he intended by this to effectuate the divorce, one divorce takes place. If he did not intend to effectuate the divorce, but only intended to prevent her from staying with her family until she comes before the Eid, and intended by this to frighten her of the consequence of this oath, then nothing takes place, and he owes the expiation for an oath.
Likewise, preventing her from greeting the specific person: If he intended to prevent her as he said, and did not intend to effectuate the divorce, then the divorce does not take place, and he owes the expiation for an oath for her greeting him, if he intended to prevent her from greeting and did not intend to effectuate the divorce.
Likewise, preventing her from leaving the house: If he intended her not to leave, and only intended to frighten her with divorce so she would not go out, and then she did go out, he owes the expiation for an oath in all of this. However, if he intended to effectuate the divorce, then one divorce takes place.
This is a multiple divorce, and the matter requires care and consideration of its subject. If the wife is present in Riyadh, we see that he and his wife should come to me so that we may look into their matter together in detail, and so that the fatwa is based on a clear matter.
And the thing she did inattentively: Nothing takes place by it. If the word of the one she was prevented from speaking to was said inattentively, forgetting, then nothing takes place by it, and you do not owe an expiation if she did the sworn-upon thing inattentively—forgetfully—because Allah the Exalted says: [al-Baqarah: 286].
Likewise, if the anger becomes intense and he cannot control himself... the anger is intense because she disobeyed him and contested him intensely, and spoke to him words that caused his extreme anger and his inability to suppress himself. In this state, the divorce does not take place, because in this state he resembles one who has no mind when the anger is intense, because he cannot control himself and cannot suppress it due to the extreme anger and intense contention, or the foul speech she said to him until his anger became intense. In that case, the divorce does not take place.
And her saying: “O son of the dog,” or “O sons of the dog”: If she was inattentive, then nothing takes place by it, and he does not owe the expiation for an oath by it. He should stop using divorce and beware of this usage, which may lead to separation from his family and may cause problems for him. He should warn her.
You, O questioner, should beware of such things. If you come to me with your wife, that is better, so that we may ask her about what you said and ask you about what you said, and so that her wali (guardian), such as her brother or her father, may be present with her, so that we may conclude the matter in a clear way, and after asking you both and the wali about everything that happened, this will be safer and better.
The presenter: The questioner resides in Yemen in any case.
The Shaykh: If he is in Yemen, he and his wife and her wali should contact the scholars, that is better, so that the scholars may clarify for him what happened. He should contact some of the scholars there who are people of jurisprudence, from the judges, and the like of them from the people of knowledge, people of insight. He should inform them of everything that happened to him, so that he may be on clear evidence and insight in his fatwa and in what the people of knowledge see—may Allah will the blessing and good. We have clarified for him what is required according to what we have known from his question.
The presenter: What about her zihar, where he says: “You are like my mother and my sister”?
The Shaykh: He owes the expiation for zihar. He must expiate if he is able to fast, by fasting two consecutive months. If he is not able to fast, he feeds sixty poor people. He must feed sixty poor people.
The presenter: According to his question, he says: He mentioned this speech twice. In the first instance, he says: I asked about it and expiated by feeding sixty poor people, and it was said to me: You have one divorce.
The Shaykh: That suffices him if he is not able to fast. Feeding sixty poor people suffices him if he is not able to fast. And one divorce takes place on her if he did not intend to prevent her, but intended to effectuate the divorce; then he has one divorce. However, if he intended to prevent her and stop her from this thing, and did not intend to effectuate the divorce, but only intended to frighten her, warn her, and stop her from it, then he owes the expiation for an oath.
The presenter: Even in the case of zihar?
The Shaykh: Along with the expiation for zihar, regarding the divorce, meaning regarding the divorce he effectuated. Yes.
The presenter: So this means he still owes one expiation for zihar, because he mentioned that he performed zihar twice.
The Shaykh: Yes, yes, and the expiation for the oath regarding the divorce if he intended to prevent her and stop her. Yes.
This is a question from the listener: Ahmad Khalil al-Sharif, from the Republic of Sudan, a teacher in northern Yemen. He says: Five problems occurred with my wife about eight years ago, and as a result, she left the house to her father’s house. The period was prolonged, and I requested her from her family and relatives because of my need for her and because the problems expand as the period lengthens. The time for Eid al-Fitr had arrived, and I wanted my wife to be in her house, hoping she would return. When I received news that she would not return, I swore an oath, saying: “Divorce is upon me if she does not return before the Eid, or before the month ends; she is divorced.” After the oath, I contacted her family so she would arrive before the deadline, but her father refused, and she did not arrive. My wife did not hear about this oath until after we reconciled. I then went to one of the scholars to retract the oath, but I do not remember what he ruled for me on that occasion.
The other time, I swore an oath of divorce on my wife, saying: “Divorce is upon me if you greet so-and-so; you are divorced.” I wanted to prevent her from greeting this man whom I do not feel comfortable with, especially since we might be gathered in one place because he is a relative, but she greeted him.
He says: In the third instance, following a disagreement, she wanted to leave the house. I wanted to prevent her from leaving and threaten her so she would not go out, lest there be more problems. So I swore an oath of divorce and said in the same oath: “You are forbidden to me like my mother and my sister if you go out of the house door.” I begged her not to go out of the house door, but she did. I also asked about this, and it was said: “Feed sixty poor people.” I did so, and it was said: “You have one divorce.”
In the fourth instance, I heard my wife say to one of my sons: “O son of the dog.” So I swore an oath, saying: “Divorce is upon me if you say that a second time; you are divorced.” I did not hear her say anything, but after this oath, she told me: “I was inattentive and said ‘O sons of the dog’ to my children,” knowing that I had sworn this oath, and she had not yet purified herself from her monthly period.
In the fifth instance, following a misunderstanding with her, I threatened her with divorce if she did not stop shouting, but she did not stop, time after time, and increased her shouting. I became extremely angry, and after resisting it, the words came out driven by anger. I said: “Divorce is upon me; you are divorced at that time, and you are forbidden to me like my mother and my sister.” Afterwards, I was certain that I had lost my children and my wife, but because of the intensity of the anger, I did not remember that I had said to her: “You are forbidden to me like my mother and my sister.” I ask: Does divorce not take place with extreme anger? What is its intensity? Is it necessary that I do not remember anything of what I said at all? Does this oath take place, even though I said it as a result of extreme anger? What do you see in these five cases?
Please inform me, may Allah reward you, is there still a chance for me to live with my wife or not?
Answer:
In any case, the questioner should not be lenient with this matter, nor should he frequent divorce or threaten with divorce. Rather, he should guard his tongue. So should every Muslim; he should not be lenient with divorce, but rather guard his tongue from divorce, threaten with something other than divorce, and warn with something other than divorce. He should advise his wife when she disobeys with what he sees as advice. As for divorce, it should be kept distant, because that may harm his state with his wife and may lead to separation from her. He should not threaten with divorce and should not use it as much as possible.
As for what happened to him in these five matters: The divorce he intended to use to threaten her and prevent her, and what he intended to effectuate when he said to her: “If the Eid comes, or the month ends before you arrive; you are divorced.” If he intended by this to effectuate the divorce, one divorce takes place. If he did not intend to effectuate the divorce, but only intended to prevent her from staying with her family until she comes before the Eid, and intended by this to frighten her of the consequence of this oath, then nothing takes place, and he owes the expiation for an oath.
Likewise, preventing her from greeting the specific person: If he intended to prevent her as he said, and did not intend to effectuate the divorce, then the divorce does not take place, and he owes the expiation for an oath for her greeting him, if he intended to prevent her from greeting and did not intend to effectuate the divorce.
Likewise, preventing her from leaving the house: If he intended her not to leave, and only intended to frighten her with divorce so she would not go out, and then she did go out, he owes the expiation for an oath in all of this. However, if he intended to effectuate the divorce, then one divorce takes place.
This is a multiple divorce, and the matter requires care and consideration of its subject. If the wife is present in Riyadh, we see that he and his wife should come to me so that we may look into their matter together in detail, and so that the fatwa is based on a clear matter.
And the thing she did inattentively: Nothing takes place by it. If the word of the one she was prevented from speaking to was said inattentively, forgetting, then nothing takes place by it, and you do not owe an expiation if she did the sworn-upon thing inattentively—forgetfully—because Allah the Exalted says:
Our Lord, do not impose blame upon us if we have forgotten or erred.
رَبَّنَا لا تُؤَاخِذْنَا إِنْ نَسِينَا أَوْ أَخْطَأْنَاLikewise, if the anger becomes intense and he cannot control himself... the anger is intense because she disobeyed him and contested him intensely, and spoke to him words that caused his extreme anger and his inability to suppress himself. In this state, the divorce does not take place, because in this state he resembles one who has no mind when the anger is intense, because he cannot control himself and cannot suppress it due to the extreme anger and intense contention, or the foul speech she said to him until his anger became intense. In that case, the divorce does not take place.
And her saying: “O son of the dog,” or “O sons of the dog”: If she was inattentive, then nothing takes place by it, and he does not owe the expiation for an oath by it. He should stop using divorce and beware of this usage, which may lead to separation from his family and may cause problems for him. He should warn her.
You, O questioner, should beware of such things. If you come to me with your wife, that is better, so that we may ask her about what you said and ask you about what you said, and so that her wali (guardian), such as her brother or her father, may be present with her, so that we may conclude the matter in a clear way, and after asking you both and the wali about everything that happened, this will be safer and better.
The presenter: The questioner resides in Yemen in any case.
The Shaykh: If he is in Yemen, he and his wife and her wali should contact the scholars, that is better, so that the scholars may clarify for him what happened. He should contact some of the scholars there who are people of jurisprudence, from the judges, and the like of them from the people of knowledge, people of insight. He should inform them of everything that happened to him, so that he may be on clear evidence and insight in his fatwa and in what the people of knowledge see—may Allah will the blessing and good. We have clarified for him what is required according to what we have known from his question.
The presenter: What about her zihar, where he says: “You are like my mother and my sister”?
The Shaykh: He owes the expiation for zihar. He must expiate if he is able to fast, by fasting two consecutive months. If he is not able to fast, he feeds sixty poor people. He must feed sixty poor people.
The presenter: According to his question, he says: He mentioned this speech twice. In the first instance, he says: I asked about it and expiated by feeding sixty poor people, and it was said to me: You have one divorce.
The Shaykh: That suffices him if he is not able to fast. Feeding sixty poor people suffices him if he is not able to fast. And one divorce takes place on her if he did not intend to prevent her, but intended to effectuate the divorce; then he has one divorce. However, if he intended to prevent her and stop her from this thing, and did not intend to effectuate the divorce, but only intended to frighten her, warn her, and stop her from it, then he owes the expiation for an oath.
The presenter: Even in the case of zihar?
The Shaykh: Along with the expiation for zihar, regarding the divorce, meaning regarding the divorce he effectuated. Yes.
The presenter: So this means he still owes one expiation for zihar, because he mentioned that he performed zihar twice.
The Shaykh: Yes, yes, and the expiation for the oath regarding the divorce if he intended to prevent her and stop her. Yes.
Source
binbaz.org.sa
The Arabic text is copied verbatim from the original source, without any edits.