My mother does not fulfill the rights of her mother as she should, and I fear that Allah will punish my mother, in which case I would be disobeying her. Please guide us regarding this matter?

Question:
She has a long question in which she says: Shaykh Salih, I am a girl with six sisters and four brothers. We live in a house where life is cramped for us, and my maternal grandmother lives with us. She has no children other than my mother, but my mother does not care for her and does not fulfill the rights of her motherhood. It is rare to see her with her mother in a good state, and this pains me greatly. I do not want this fate for my mother, and I fear it greatly. Obedience is a decree and a precedent, and I fear that I will be the one to bring about the decree. I love Allah and His Messenger, and I hope for Allah’s guidance, uprightness, and a good ending. I have often advised my mother, but she reminds me of her mother’s harshness toward her when she was young, and that she did not see anything good from her. I tell her that she is her mother, whatever the case, and that she is her paradise and her fire. She accuses me of accusing her of wrongdoing. Knowing that this grandmother says that she did not protect her, and my father and mother treat us like strangers; we find no paternal or maternal tenderness from them, but we endure and say our consolation is that they are our parents. I say, O doctor, Shaykh, heal my heart in this matter and tell me who is the one who brings about the decree, and whether disobedience can be averted by supplication to Allah. I strive to obey them, but I do not find the love that is supposed to be for them as a result of their distance from us and their bad treatment of us. May Allah reward you with good. The questioner mentioned the bad treatment of her mother toward her grandmother, her mother.

Answer:
This is a matter that is not permissible. This is undutifulness to parents. In fact, this is undutifulness to parents. Undutifulness to parents is among the major sins, as the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) explained in many hadiths. It is contrary to the saying of Allah the Exalted: with humility and tenderness. Say, “My Lord, have mercy upon them as they raised me when I was small.”
It is obligatory for you to give advice to your mother. It is also obligatory for you to be kind to your grandmother, because she is one of your mothers and has a right over you. It is obligatory for you to continue with these two matters: being kind to your grandmother and giving advice to your mother. The fact that the parents, as the questioner mentioned, have no lawful means toward their children and no affection, this is a matter that is not permissible. It is obligatory for the parents to be kind to their children; the children also have rights over the parents. It is obligatory to be kind to the children, just as it is obligatory for the children to be kind to the parents. Kindness encompasses the ruling of kinship and the ruling of birth and fatherhood. So this is not among the etiquettes of Islam. Rather, undutifulness to parents and discord between households and families are among the customs of disbelievers in the recent modern, false contemporary ages. As for Islam, it forbids that and prohibits it with the strongest prohibition. So the right of the parents comes after the right of Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He) . And likewise, the children, as we mentioned, have a right over the parents: affection, tenderness, good upbringing, and financial maintenance if they are in need, especially in the state of childhood. So they have a right over the parents. It is obligatory for this family to reconcile among themselves, for advice to prevail among them, and for each one to fulfill what is due to the other. This is what is obligatory. But if this does not happen from both sides, then it is upon the children to be kind to their parents and to fulfill what is due to their parents, even if the parents are not at the required level with the children. This does not drop the right of the parents. So it is obligatory for the Muslim to fulfill the right that is upon him and to ask Allah for the right that is his.