Guidance on Raising Children and Being Dutiful to Parents

The questioner:
Peace be upon you and Allah's mercy and blessings.

The Shaykh:
And peace, and Allah's mercy and blessings.

The presenter:
May Allah reward you with good, our Shaykh.

The Shaykh:
May Allah keep you safe.

The presenter:
May Allah thank you and benefit us, Glorified and Exalted is He, through you.

The Shaykh:
May Allah bless you.

The questioner:
Your Eminence the Shaykh, may Allah preserve you, you are showing us the reality in this time, in this fitnah (trial, discord or temptation). The reality is due to people, or groups of people, distancing themselves from the Book of Allah and the Sunnah of His Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him). This social fragmentation appears in some of the realities, Honorable Shaykh, between fathers abandoning their responsibilities and between children being undutiful to their fathers? So we find that the reality is that fathers, or some of the fathers, have abandoned the religious responsibilities that Allah, Glorified and Exalted is He, entrusted them with regarding the preservation, care, and protection of their children from what defiles them, whether in morals or in ideas, whatever their direction may be. And in return, may Allah reward you, we also see a category of children who have actually reached a degree of undutifulness to fathers and mothers that was not known before. So we hope from your Eminence, may Allah reward you with good, guidance on this topic, because I actually see that it is one of the matters that scholars, callers to Allah, students of knowledge, preachers, and orators should warn about, especially the matter of preserving the family as the Islamic Shari'ah brought it. May Allah grant you success and rectitude, Shaykh, and may He reward you well. For what you are presenting. Thank you. Yes, yes. Peace be upon you and Allah's mercy. And upon you peace, may Allah bless you.

The Shaykh:
Yes, matters are tied to their causes. Rectitude has causes, and corruption has causes. Being dutiful to parents has causes, and undutifulness to parents has causes. So it is obligatory for the Muslim to do the beneficial causes for the rectitude of his children. And Allah, Glorified and Exalted is He, said: When the parents grow old and need service, the son should be dutiful to them, serve them, and provide for them what they need.
And that is due to His saying: "As they raised me," which indicates that it is necessary that the parents raise their children on goodness, rectitude, and uprightness so that he will be dutiful to them, so that he will be dutiful to them when they are in need.
And the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) advised the father regarding his sons from a young age, and he said (peace and blessings be upon him): And it is known that raising them on prayer is a cause for rectitude, because prayer forbids from immorality and wrongdoing, as Allah, Glorified and Exalted is He, said: So it follows from adhering to prayer that he teaches them wudu' (the ablution for prayer), ritual purity, covering the 'awrah (the part of the body that must be covered), and the required conditions of prayer. This is raising them from a young age; he commands them to do it at the age of discernment, just a command. And when he reaches ten years old, then along with the command, if he is lazy, he is to be struck. "And strike them for it at ten." Also, he monitors the children in their beds and separates them in their beds, as the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) commanded, because that keeps them away from the corruption of morals. This is evidence of care for the children, and consequently, it is evidence of raising the children on not mixing between men and women, which incites fitnah (trial, discord or temptation) and incites desire. This is a great upbringing upon which the children grow, and these are causes for the rectitude of the children. As for neglecting the children until they grow up, as is the reality now with many people, he does not know his children; the father does not know his children except when they grow up and he wants benefit from them and wants dutifulness from them. Then he regrets what he neglected in their upbringing when negligence is no longer beneficial. And if he wanted to raise them after they grow up, he would not be able to, for if you straighten the branches, they straighten, but they do not become soft if they are from wood, for the time has come. So the father must hasten with his children in good upbringing on worship, on morals, and teach them the creed of tawhid (the oneness of Allah), and singling out Allah, Glorified and Exalted is He, for worship. And this, without doubt, tires him and is hard on him, but patience is necessary for this. Patience is necessary for this. For this reason, the father deserves from dutifulness and kindness what the son is unable to do, and he only performs some of what he is able to, because the father exerted himself with his son in his youth as he did.
Many parents do not care about the affairs of their children except to provide them with food, drink, clothing, a car, and worldly matters and bodily matters. But they do not care about raising the hearts and raising the deeds, and this is the foundation, and this is what is important. As for raising the bodies, this may harm, whereas raising the hearts is what benefits. So parents should be aware of that. And for this reason, undutifulness has increased in our time, and aggression from children against their fathers has increased in our time, until the matter may reach killing, that the son kills his father because he did not raise him, he did not raise him, because he did not raise him on dutifulness, on goodness, and on kindness. So he became like a stranger to him, he does not know him at all in terms of his religion, in terms of his morals, and in terms of his upbringing on goodness. He neglected him and lost him, and he is only busy with his worldly life and raising his wealth and pursuing profits. He does not even know his house except for shelter and sleeping, and he does not know what happened in it, even though his house is a flock for which he is responsible, and the head of the house is a shepherd and responsible for his flock. So it is obligatory for parents to be aware of this matter. And it is obligatory for children to know the status of their fathers and the obligation of dutifulness to their right. They must... upon every father and son is to know his duty and to clear his conscience toward the other. May Allah guide everyone to what He loves and is pleased with.