A man works away from his family, which has caused his wife to visit her parents frequently and not return home at times unless he comes back from his trip, so he forbade her from visiting and set a specific day for her to visit.
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The questioner : He says, "I work far from my home and my family, and the nature of my job does not allow me to go home more than once a month. This habit causes my wife to frequently go to her parents' house. This situation has caused me embarrassment with my family, especially since she sometimes does not return to our home until I arrive. So I forbade her from doing that and set a day of the week for her to visit her parents, but she did not adhere to this. I said to her, 'If you go to your parents' house again, it is your divorce.' When the time for my trip came, she started crying and begging me to change my mind. I felt sorry for her and tried to find an interpretation for my words, so I said, 'If you go to your parents' house without my permission, it is your divorce, and I am now giving you permission to go.' However, I feel something in my heart about this because I did not ask any scholar about it. Our marital life continued as it was, and she was pregnant at that time. She gave birth to her child, and she is now pregnant with the second child. I did not perform expiation or do anything, but as I said, I feel something in my heart. I feel a slight desire to be away from her and discomfort with my life with her. Perhaps this is due to what happened, and that something was obligatory for me, or that she is divorced and we did not know about it. I hope you will inform me about what results from this and what is obligatory for me. Yes."
The Shaykh : Before answering this question, I would like to advise, and how much of the actions of some Muslims call for advice! I would like to say that any action a person undertakes without knowing Allah's ruling on it is at risk. It is obligatory for the believer, if he wants to do an action, whether it is worship or a transaction, not to proceed with the matter until he clarifies Allah's ruling on it, so that he is aware of his affair. This is especially true in such dangerous matters as marriage and divorce. It is not befitting for a believer, nor should a prudent person, fail to notice a matter until he is struck by an event that he interprets as being due to his violation of the ruling. So this brother, when what happened occurred, should have asked before interpreting the matter himself with an interpretation stemming from ignorance. I ask Allah to accept repentance from us and from him.
As for the answer to his specific question, I say that if this man, by saying to his wife "If you go to your parents' house, it is your divorce", intended to threaten her and prevent her from going to her parents' house, then this is considered in the ruling of an oath. He has the right to change his mind and perform the expiation for an oath, which is freeing a slave, or feeding ten poor people, or clothing them. Whoever does not find the means to do so must fast for three days.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : And if his intention by saying "If you go to your parents' house, it is your divorce" was for the divorce to take place, such that he feels that if she disobeys and contradicts him, he does not want her to remain his wife, then such a statement causes the divorce to take place if she goes to her parents' house. He cannot change his mind regarding this conditional divorce. He cannot add a condition to it or cancel it entirely. So his last statement, "If you go to your parents' house without my permission, it is your divorce", is not considered, because the ruling was established by the first conditional statement, which is the divorce conditioned on this action. It is not possible to add to it, subtract from it, or cancel it entirely. Accordingly, if she goes to her parents' house, she is divorced by her going to her parents' house. If the divorce is revocable, he has the right to take her back as long as she is in the waiting period. Yes, if he intended from the first statement, "If you go to your parents' house, it is your divorce," to mean "without my permission," then the intention specifies the general statement, and that is a specification. If she goes with his permission, there is no harm on either of them. Yes.
The questioner : May Allah bless you.
The Shaykh : Before answering this question, I would like to advise, and how much of the actions of some Muslims call for advice! I would like to say that any action a person undertakes without knowing Allah's ruling on it is at risk. It is obligatory for the believer, if he wants to do an action, whether it is worship or a transaction, not to proceed with the matter until he clarifies Allah's ruling on it, so that he is aware of his affair. This is especially true in such dangerous matters as marriage and divorce. It is not befitting for a believer, nor should a prudent person, fail to notice a matter until he is struck by an event that he interprets as being due to his violation of the ruling. So this brother, when what happened occurred, should have asked before interpreting the matter himself with an interpretation stemming from ignorance. I ask Allah to accept repentance from us and from him.
As for the answer to his specific question, I say that if this man, by saying to his wife "If you go to your parents' house, it is your divorce", intended to threaten her and prevent her from going to her parents' house, then this is considered in the ruling of an oath. He has the right to change his mind and perform the expiation for an oath, which is freeing a slave, or feeding ten poor people, or clothing them. Whoever does not find the means to do so must fast for three days.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : And if his intention by saying "If you go to your parents' house, it is your divorce" was for the divorce to take place, such that he feels that if she disobeys and contradicts him, he does not want her to remain his wife, then such a statement causes the divorce to take place if she goes to her parents' house. He cannot change his mind regarding this conditional divorce. He cannot add a condition to it or cancel it entirely. So his last statement, "If you go to your parents' house without my permission, it is your divorce", is not considered, because the ruling was established by the first conditional statement, which is the divorce conditioned on this action. It is not possible to add to it, subtract from it, or cancel it entirely. Accordingly, if she goes to her parents' house, she is divorced by her going to her parents' house. If the divorce is revocable, he has the right to take her back as long as she is in the waiting period. Yes, if he intended from the first statement, "If you go to your parents' house, it is your divorce," to mean "without my permission," then the intention specifies the general statement, and that is a specification. If she goes with his permission, there is no harm on either of them. Yes.
The questioner : May Allah bless you.