She says: I inform you, O honorable Shaykh, that I was divorced by my husband because I went to my family in Madinah, and he objected to my going to them. So in the first instance...

The questioner : She says: I inform you, O honorable Shaykh, that I was divorced by my husband because I went to my family in Madinah, and he objected to my going to them. So in the first instance, the divorce occurred by his writing it on a paper and handing it to me, with "divorced" written on it. The reason was that I went out with my sister and my sister's son to go on a picnic, because he had forbidden me from going with them, and I did not want to go with them. After that, reconciliation took place. Then, in the blessed month of Ramadan, on the thirteenth day, I asked him to let me go to Madinah to see my family. He initially objected, but after my insistence, I went and stayed with them for two days. Afterwards, he came back to take me from my family, so I asked him to let me stay one more day only, because I needed the closeness of my family, my mother, and my brothers, as I was in the early stages of pregnancy. My mood was disturbed to the point that I could not bear to see him or sit by his side, and I had come to dislike him greatly in the beginning of the pregnancy. I explained my psychological state to him, hoping that he would consider my circumstances, but he did not. He said to me, angry that I had not gone with him: "If you do not go with me to Jeddah now, you are divorced." I did not go with him that night. It was the second night, so I went to Jeddah, and reconciliation took place between us. Two days later, my psychological state was very bad, as I could not sit in our house. I asked him that we live in another place temporarily until my morning sickness subsides, or that I go to my family or any other place, even for a month. However, he did not agree, despite seeing my psychological and medical condition. This forced me to suggest to him that I go to the Holy City of Madinah when I was at my wit's end, because he did not stand by my side and did not consider me in this bad psychological state. It is known that this was my first pregnancy, and I had not completed eight months of marriage with him. When I decided to go to Madinah, he said to me: "If you go, you are divorced." I asked him to go with me for one night and then we would return together, but he did not fulfill my wish and did not consider my feelings. Without realizing it, I went to Madinah and stayed with my family. He did not ask or inquire about what happened between us. But now, with my pregnancy in its advanced months, I am very remorseful. I did not want to separate from my husband, and I hope that Allah, the Most High, the Almighty, will write for me a return to him through lawful means. He is the All-Hearing, the All-Responsive. We ask you, O honorable Shaykh, to address this situation?

The Shaykh : Praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds, and I send prayers and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad, the Seal of the Prophets and the Imam of the Pious, and upon his family and his Companions, and those who follow them with excellence until the Day of Judgment. As for what follows:
Before I answer this question, I would like to offer two pieces of advice: the first to the husband, and the second to the questioner, the wife.
As for my advice to the husband, I advise this husband and all our married brothers to control their nerves when angry, and to be patient in matters of divorce and not to rush. For the original ruling on divorce is that it is disliked, unless there is a need for it. For this reason, Allah, Mighty and Majestic, commanded that women be divorced during their waiting period. A man should not divorce his wife while she is menstruating, nor should he divorce her during a period of purity in which he had intercourse with her, unless she is pregnant. For a pregnant woman may be divorced in any state. All of this is for the sake of patience and not rushing into divorce, and to allow the woman three menstrual cycles in which she waits, so that perhaps her husband may take her back during this period, as Allah, the Exalted, said: .
Rushing into divorce is a sign of foolishness and stupidity. For when a man divorces his wife, he does not part with a commodity that he can buy a replacement for. Rather, he parts with a woman who may be the mother of his children. So the children are scattered and the family is broken up. Therefore, a person should be patient and not rush. And if it happens that he is determined to divorce, let him divorce calmly and divorce her during the waiting period that Allah commanded women to be divorced for. He should divorce her either while she is pregnant or while she is in a state of purity without having had intercourse with her.
As for my advice to the woman questioner, I advise her and all married women to be patient with their husbands and to bear what happens from them, such as these matters that may lead to stubbornness. For stubbornness may lead to separation, and then both the husband and the wife will regret what they did.
As for the subject of the question, what has become clear to me is that this man divorced his wife with the first divorce, which is a clear divorce with no ambiguity. As for the second and third, they are two conditional divorces contingent upon the woman's action. She violated the condition upon which the divorce was contingent. In this issue, there is disagreement among the scholars. Some say that he breaks his oath and the divorce takes effect in both instances. Based on this, this woman has become separated from her husband because he divorced her three times: the first divorce, which was not contingent on anything, and the other two divorces, which were contingent on her not going to her family, but she went.
Some scholars held that the two conditional divorces are based on the husband's intention. If he intended divorce, then the divorce takes effect when she violates his command. If he intended an oath, meaning he was warning her not to go and threatening her with divorce if she did, then the divorce does not take effect, and he is obligated to pay the expiation for an oath.
This opinion is the stronger one in my view, and it is the choice of Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah (may Allah have mercy on him). I mentioned the first opinion, which is the opinion of the majority of scholars, that the divorce takes effect, so that it becomes clear to the questioner and others who are listening that the matter in this issue is serious, and that it is obligatory for a person not to engage in such an action. For the majority of scholars hold that the wife is forbidden to her husband in this issue, because she was divorced from him three times.
I say that I only mentioned this scholarly disagreement so that people would be cautious and not engage too much in this matter, which allows them to swear by Allah (Mighty and Majestic) regarding their wives. It is obligatory for the wife, if her husband forbids her from something, to agree with him in what he has forbidden her from, because Allah the Exalted named the husband a master, saying: meaning her husband.
And the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) informed us that women are in a state of captivity with men. "Al-'Awwan" is the plural of "A'aniyyah," which means a captive. Therefore, the husband has the right to prevent his wife from what he fears will lead to a bad outcome. The husband must also fear Allah (Mighty and Majestic) in his consideration of his wife and treat her with kindness, as Allah the Exalted said: , and He said: .
Based on the stronger position in my view regarding the matter of this man, I say to him: If your intention in saying, "If you go to your family, you are divorced," was that she is divorced if she goes, because her disobedience to you makes her undesirable to you, then the divorce takes place.
However, if your intention was to frighten her and compel her to refrain from going, then the ruling of this is the ruling of an oath. You must feed ten poor people ten kilograms of rice, along with sufficient meat for them. If you wish, you may cook the food yourself and serve the poor people lunch or dinner.