The Obligation of Obedience to Parents and Treating Them with the Best Conduct

Question:
Dutifulness to parents is obligatory, and mention of dutifulness to parents has come in many verses of the Noble Qur'an. But if one of the parents is harsh with his child and drives him out, and the parent takes to cursing him, is his leaving considered disobedience and undutifulness to his parents, or not?

Answer:
This matter requires a distinction. We have presented to you that the father has a great right, and the mother likewise, and that it is befitting for the father not to be harsh or severe, but rather to be gentle and merciful so that he helps his children to be dutiful to him, helping them to be dutiful to him through his kind words, his gentleness, and his lack of harshness. But some children are also evil; some children are evil, calling to evil, and so are some wives, as Allah the Exalted said: Indeed, your wives and your children are a trial for you. They are a trial, meaning a test and an examination. Indeed, Allah tests fathers and mothers through their children. If they advise them and direct them to good, Allah rewards them. If they are lax with them regarding sins and evil deeds, [there is] the punishment from Allah. Children and wives may also be evil; a wife may be evil to her husband, calling to falsehood, calling to corruption and sins. Likewise, a child may be wicked, calling his father to evil, calamity, and corruption. The father must be cautious and not follow his children or his wives in what is not befitting. Rather, he should look at what they are calling to and choose what is good, not what is bad. If the wife calls to something, he should not rush to respond to her until he looks at the outcome: is this something shadowy? Is it permissible? What are its consequences? A person should choose what is in good and has a good outcome and does not harm him. Likewise, a child may be evil, may be corrupt, may be a hypocrite, may be a disbeliever who puts on the appearance of Islam. Let him be cautious of this child and not take from his words, his calling, or his requests except what pleases Allah, what Allah the Exalted has made permissible, and what one hopes will have a good outcome, so that he does not fall into the evil from which Allah has warned. If he leaves—if his father says to him, or if his father does with him what necessitates leaving, and he leaves, there is no harm. If his father was tight with him and tight with his wife and did not allow them what is befitting, what Allah has made permissible for them, due to the father's bad character, it is not befitting for him to oppose [the situation]. He should treat [his parents] with the best conduct, treat them with the best that is, be gentle with his father, and say, "O my father, be gentle with us. I hope you will do such and such. Otherwise, allow us to leave this house to another house." He leaves with the best conduct. If he is able to sit with his parents and provide for them, that is what is required, and that is what is befitting for him. If that is not facilitated due to the father's severity, and because he treats him with harsh treatment that harms him in his religion and his worldly life, and it may cause him to deviate from guidance, and it may also cause him to neglect his rights to his parents and protect him from what Allah has forbidden, let him leave and treat his parents thereafter with the best conduct. Even if they accuse him, he should be gentle with them and treat them with the best conduct, and strive to be dutiful to them and please them with what