Advice to Undutiful Children and an Explanation of the Rights of Parents
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Question:
The questioner says: Your Eminence, the Shaykh, I have four children who hate me. They have gone to extremes in their undutifulness toward me; sometimes they do not even return my salam, and they raise their voices at me, treating me as if I were a sister or a daughter. Is there any advice for them? May Allah reward you with good for guiding them to the right path?
Answer:
Yes, the rights of the parents come after the right of Allah (Mighty and Majestic), and undutifulness comes after shirk (associating partners with Allah) in terms of prohibition and sin. So they should fear Allah and be dutiful to their mother, for Allah (Exalted and Majestic is He) says:[Al-Isra 17:23], [Al-Isra 17:23-24].
Allah (Exalted and Majestic is He) made the rights of the parents after His right, as in this verse, and as in His saying, the Exalted:[An-Nisa 4:36] He, the Exalted, said: [Luqman 31:14] [Luqman 31:14-15].
So the parent has a right, even if he is a disbeliever or a mushrik (one who associates partners with Allah). He has the right to be treated with dutifulness and kindness, without loving the disbeliever or the mushrik. So be kind to the parents, and if they are mushrikin, they have the right to be treated with dutifulness, but do not love them with your heart:[Al-Mujadila 58:22].
So if the parent who differs in religion does not lose his right to be treated with dutifulness and kindness, how much more so the believing parent? So these children should repent to Allah, be kind to their mother, and ask her for forgiveness, so that they do not become among the undutiful whom Allah has threatened with the most severe warning. Yes.
The presenter:
May Allah reward you,
The questioner says: Your Eminence, the Shaykh, I have four children who hate me. They have gone to extremes in their undutifulness toward me; sometimes they do not even return my salam, and they raise their voices at me, treating me as if I were a sister or a daughter. Is there any advice for them? May Allah reward you with good for guiding them to the right path?
Answer:
Yes, the rights of the parents come after the right of Allah (Mighty and Majestic), and undutifulness comes after shirk (associating partners with Allah) in terms of prohibition and sin. So they should fear Allah and be dutiful to their mother, for Allah (Exalted and Majestic is He) says:
And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you
وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلَاهُمَاsay not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. (24) And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, "My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small."
فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَا أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًاAllah (Exalted and Majestic is He) made the rights of the parents after His right, as in this verse, and as in His saying, the Exalted:
Worship Allah and associate nothing with Him, and to parents do good
وَاعْبُدُوا اللَّهَ وَلَا تُشْرِكُوا بِهِ شَيْئًا وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًاAnd We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents
وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ وَهْنًا عَلَىٰ وَهْنٍ وَفِصَالُهُ فِي عَامَيْنِ أَنِ اشْكُرْ لِي وَلِوَالِدَيْكَ(14) And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination. (15) But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me [in repentance]. Then to Me will be your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do.
إِلَيَّ الْمَصِيرُ وَإِن جَاهَدَاكَ عَلَىٰ أَن تُشْرِكَ بِي مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَا وَصَاحِبْهُمَا فِي الدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوفًا وَاتَّبِعْ سَبِيلَ مَنْ أَنَابَ إِلَيَّSo the parent has a right, even if he is a disbeliever or a mushrik (one who associates partners with Allah). He has the right to be treated with dutifulness and kindness, without loving the disbeliever or the mushrik. So be kind to the parents, and if they are mushrikin, they have the right to be treated with dutifulness, but do not love them with your heart:
You will not find a people who believe in Allah and the Last Day having affection for those who oppose Allah and His Messenger, even if they were their fathers or their sons or their brothers or their kindred
لَّا تَجِدُ قَوْمًا يُؤْمِنُونَ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الْآخِرِ يُوَادُّونَ مَنْ حَادَّ اللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُ وَلَوْ كَانُوا آبَاءَهُمْ أَوْ أَبْنَاءَهُمْ أَوْ إِخْوَانَهُمْ أَوْ عَشِيرَتَهُمْSo if the parent who differs in religion does not lose his right to be treated with dutifulness and kindness, how much more so the believing parent? So these children should repent to Allah, be kind to their mother, and ask her for forgiveness, so that they do not become among the undutiful whom Allah has threatened with the most severe warning. Yes.
The presenter:
May Allah reward you,
Source
شرح العقيدة الطحاوية [7] — alfawzan.live (1:29:16)
The Arabic text is a machine transcription of the audio recording.