Combining the hadith “Their joking is serious” with the permission of the virgin in marriage

The questioner:
Honorable Shaykh, he says: What is the ruling on the hadith of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) regarding the three women whose seriousness was serious and whose joking was serious? How is this reconciled with his command (peace and blessings be upon him) to seek the permission of the virgin when she is married? Since what is practiced among the common people is that if a man gives his daughter to someone, she is bound to him and it becomes obligatory for him.

The Shaykh:
Yes.

The questioner:
He says, may Allah forgive you: What is the ruling on the hadith of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) . He asks how this is reconciled with his command (peace and blessings be upon him) to seek the permission of the virgin when she is married, since what is practiced among the common people is that if a man gives his daughter to someone, she is bound to him and it becomes obligatory for him?

The Shaykh:
Giving is not the same as the contract; the discussion is about the contract. If a man makes a contract while joking and says, “I have married off my daughter” or “my son,” and the other says, “I accept,” the marriage contract is valid even if they were joking. There is no joking in marriage, nor in divorce, nor in taking back a wife if a husband takes her back, nor in freeing a slave, even if it is a slave. That is, it is a binding contract, whether he is joking or not.
This does not contradict his statement (peace and blessings be upon him) because the contract is valid, but she retains the option. She retains the option if she has not been consummated, whether she is a virgin or a widow; she retains the option. If she wishes, she may annul it, and if she wishes, she may uphold the contract.

The presenter:
You have spoken well.

The Shaykh:
And Allah the Exalted knows best. May Allah send prayers and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon his family and companions.