The woman paying the mahr to the man and the wali offering his ward to the righteous
Machine translationRead the Arabic original
The questioner:
The ruling if the woman secretly pays the mahr to the man.
The Shaykh:
There is no harm if she gives it to him, but he must give her something, even if it is a little. He must give her something, because the pen [record] increases with his wealth. If he gives her something, and she is content with the need, and the blessing of the home, and he gives her what is prepared for the walimah, may Allah reward him with good. This is good. In India, in India and Pakistan, and in other lands, it is the woman who pays for the husband. So if the woman pays for the husband, there is no harm, but he must give her something. He must give her, for example, ten or a hundred thousand, he must give her something so that it is true that he was tested with wealth to seek a wife. So there must be a mahr from him, even if it is a little, upon which the nikah is contracted, and she spends the rest, and she is rewarded for this, and there is no harm.
And here is another matter, and it is something we should be reminded of, and the shaykhs also pointed it out here, and it is the matter of the proposal. There is no harm if a man proposes for his daughter, he goes around to the good ones, he says: O so-and-so, I desire to marry my daughter or my sister, just as a man proposes for his own. The wali of the woman also proposes, he seeks,
Another questioner:
Keep your face ready.
The Shaykh:
Some of the Companions did this. Some of the Companions did not do what 'Umar did, others did it. So the point is that a person seeks for his sister or his daughter a righteous young man and a righteous man, and says: O so-and-so, I am in need of you in wealth, I will marry you to her even for a little. I have a daughter or I have a sister, I desire to marry you to her. And if she wishes to look at her, I have no objection. So if she is pleased, he marries her to him for a mere little. And this is what helps in finding marriage and in removing the burden. Yes, do not worry, do not worry, may Allah be pleased with you, do not worry.
The ruling if the woman secretly pays the mahr to the man.
The Shaykh:
There is no harm if she gives it to him, but he must give her something, even if it is a little. He must give her something, because the pen [record] increases with his wealth. If he gives her something, and she is content with the need, and the blessing of the home, and he gives her what is prepared for the walimah, may Allah reward him with good. This is good. In India, in India and Pakistan, and in other lands, it is the woman who pays for the husband. So if the woman pays for the husband, there is no harm, but he must give her something. He must give her, for example, ten or a hundred thousand, he must give her something so that it is true that he was tested with wealth to seek a wife. So there must be a mahr from him, even if it is a little, upon which the nikah is contracted, and she spends the rest, and she is rewarded for this, and there is no harm.
And here is another matter, and it is something we should be reminded of, and the shaykhs also pointed it out here, and it is the matter of the proposal. There is no harm if a man proposes for his daughter, he goes around to the good ones, he says: O so-and-so, I desire to marry my daughter or my sister, just as a man proposes for his own. The wali of the woman also proposes, he seeks,
Another questioner:
Keep your face ready.
The Shaykh:
Some of the Companions did this. Some of the Companions did not do what 'Umar did, others did it. So the point is that a person seeks for his sister or his daughter a righteous young man and a righteous man, and says: O so-and-so, I am in need of you in wealth, I will marry you to her even for a little. I have a daughter or I have a sister, I desire to marry you to her. And if she wishes to look at her, I have no objection. So if she is pleased, he marries her to him for a mere little. And this is what helps in finding marriage and in removing the burden. Yes, do not worry, do not worry, may Allah be pleased with you, do not worry.
Source
ندوات الجامع الكبير مع الأسئلة - 32 — archive.org (1:06:14)
The Arabic text is a machine transcription of the audio recording.