Pleasing the Mother in the Case of Disagreement with the Wife's Family and Visiting Them
Machine translationRead the Arabic original
The questioner:
A problem arose between her brother, her mother, and my mother. They exchanged insults, and my mother swore an oath that she would remain angry with me until the Day of Judgment, and that she would not enter my house as long as she is alive in this world if I were to go and enter her family's house after they had insulted them in their home.
The Shaykh:
Repeat.
The questioner:
I am married to my cousin's daughter, and her father has passed away. A situation occurred.
The Shaykh:
The deceased is better.
The questioner:
Available, yes.
The Shaykh:
Yes, yes.
The questioner:
A problem arose between her brother and my mother.
The Shaykh:
Or perhaps it was a gathering where the problem was discussed.
The questioner:
Her brother, her mother, and my mother. They exchanged insults, and my mother swore an oath that she would remain angry with me until the Day of Judgment, and that she would not enter my house as long as she is alive in this world if I were to go and enter her family's house after they had insulted them in their home. So, my wife and I agreed to leave it to Allah to fix what happened over time. We are now happy, and she does not cut off ties with her family; she visits them every week. As for me, whenever I see my cousin, I only return his greeting. What is the ruling?
The Shaykh:
Strive, if Allah wills. Strive to please your mother so that she may be pleased, if Allah wills, through kind words and good manners. Or ask the woman's family to ask her for forgiveness so that she may forgive, if Allah wills. Do not disobey, but you are not the husband who goes to them; do not go to them. It is sufficient to exchange greetings from outside, or by phone, or to ask about their condition by phone. Do not go and create hardship between you and your mother. However, try with kind words and good manners to please your mother so that she permits you to visit your wife's family, visiting them in their country, meaning the same thing. Your mother's pleasure is more binding, and dutifulness to her is more binding. So, you must adopt the predominant knowledge, kind words, and good manners with your mother, and strive to win her pleasure so that she may be pleased, if Allah wills, with your in-laws. Yes.
Another questioner:
Well, Shaykh, which of them are the relatives?
The Shaykh:
The forbidden relatives are your close kin: your uncle, your father, your uncle, your maternal uncle, and your maternal aunts. These are the relatives. As for the wife and her family, they are called in-laws. The reason is that they are in-laws. Yes.
Another questioner:
My cousin's daughter.
The Shaykh:
Yes.
Another questioner:
This is my cousin's daughter, I mean.
The Shaykh:
If you are tired, you have lied about your effort, yes. You have not prioritized the children of your uncle. Yes.
A problem arose between her brother, her mother, and my mother. They exchanged insults, and my mother swore an oath that she would remain angry with me until the Day of Judgment, and that she would not enter my house as long as she is alive in this world if I were to go and enter her family's house after they had insulted them in their home.
The Shaykh:
Repeat.
The questioner:
I am married to my cousin's daughter, and her father has passed away. A situation occurred.
The Shaykh:
The deceased is better.
The questioner:
Available, yes.
The Shaykh:
Yes, yes.
The questioner:
A problem arose between her brother and my mother.
The Shaykh:
Or perhaps it was a gathering where the problem was discussed.
The questioner:
Her brother, her mother, and my mother. They exchanged insults, and my mother swore an oath that she would remain angry with me until the Day of Judgment, and that she would not enter my house as long as she is alive in this world if I were to go and enter her family's house after they had insulted them in their home. So, my wife and I agreed to leave it to Allah to fix what happened over time. We are now happy, and she does not cut off ties with her family; she visits them every week. As for me, whenever I see my cousin, I only return his greeting. What is the ruling?
The Shaykh:
Strive, if Allah wills. Strive to please your mother so that she may be pleased, if Allah wills, through kind words and good manners. Or ask the woman's family to ask her for forgiveness so that she may forgive, if Allah wills. Do not disobey, but you are not the husband who goes to them; do not go to them. It is sufficient to exchange greetings from outside, or by phone, or to ask about their condition by phone. Do not go and create hardship between you and your mother. However, try with kind words and good manners to please your mother so that she permits you to visit your wife's family, visiting them in their country, meaning the same thing. Your mother's pleasure is more binding, and dutifulness to her is more binding. So, you must adopt the predominant knowledge, kind words, and good manners with your mother, and strive to win her pleasure so that she may be pleased, if Allah wills, with your in-laws. Yes.
Another questioner:
Well, Shaykh, which of them are the relatives?
The Shaykh:
The forbidden relatives are your close kin: your uncle, your father, your uncle, your maternal uncle, and your maternal aunts. These are the relatives. As for the wife and her family, they are called in-laws. The reason is that they are in-laws. Yes.
Another questioner:
My cousin's daughter.
The Shaykh:
Yes.
Another questioner:
This is my cousin's daughter, I mean.
The Shaykh:
If you are tired, you have lied about your effort, yes. You have not prioritized the children of your uncle. Yes.
Source
فتاوى الحج 1410 هـ - 17-أخرى — archive.org
The Arabic text is a machine transcription of the audio recording.