Oaths in divorce?

The questioner : The questioner says: When I wanted to leave my country, my wife refused to sit with anyone except her family. Because they do not adhere to the religion, I said to her, "By Allah, if you sit with them, you will never be my wife again." In the end, she did sit with them. Does this count as a divorce? And what should be done when they do not benefit from it?

The Shaykh : Before answering this question, I would like to advise husbands not to rush into pronouncing divorce, because this is dangerous. The matter of marriage is among the most serious contracts. You will not find a contract to which the Shari'ah has given more attention and taken more precautions regarding its beginning, end, contracting, and dissolution than marriage. This is because it entails lineages, in-laws, and major issues in society. Therefore, you will find conditions for its contracting, conditions for its dissolution, and many rights in its beginning and end. So, for a person to go and pronounce divorce over the slightest matter is considered foolishness on his part. How often a person pronounces divorce and then goes around the door of every scholar hoping to find a solution, and he regrets it. My advice is that we should not rush in these matters. Furthermore, out of the wisdom of the Lawgiver, it is forbidden for a man to divorce his wife while she is menstruating. Because in this state, since he has refrained from having intercourse with her, he may come to dislike her and say, "This will drag on for us," and divorce her. Therefore, the Lawgiver prevented him from divorcing her during menstruation. He is also prevented from doing so during the period of purity in which he had intercourse with her, because she may have conceived and he does not know. And because if he had recently had intercourse with her, his desire will subside and he will not have that desire which he had refrained from for a period. Therefore, a person must be careful in the matter of divorce.
However, if such a matter occurs and a man says to his wife, "If you go to such-and-such, you are not my wife," or "You are not mine," or "I have divorced you," or similar words of explicit divorce or allusion, then we ask him and look at his intention, and Allah the Exalted will hold him accountable. Did you intend divorce, meaning that if your wife defies you in this matter, you have grown tired of her and do not want her? If she defies you in this case, she is divorced because you intended divorce. Did you intend by this statement to prevent your wife and threaten her with it? If she defies you in this case, she is not divorced, but you must pay the expiation for an oath, because the ruling of this formula is the ruling of an oath. So there is a distinction in the matter. What is the distinction?

Another questioner : It depends on the intention.

The Shaykh : Yes, okay.

Another questioner : If his intention was to divorce her as a warning, he must pay the expiation for an oath.

The Shaykh : In that case, she is not divorced, and he must pay the expiation for an oath. May Allah bless you.