The Ruling on Condolences at Graves and Gathering at the Home of the Deceased

The questioner:
What is the ruling on offering condolences at graves, what they call the third night, and gathering at the home of the deceased?

The Shaykh:
You should pray for the bereaved and for the deceased, saying, "May Allah console you and forgive your deceased." If the deceased was a Muslim, you say, "May Allah forgive your deceased." However, if the deceased was a disbeliever, you limit yourself to saying, "May Allah console you and console your loss," and you do not say, "May Allah forgive your deceased," because one does not pray for the forgiveness of a disbeliever.
To this extent, condolences are prescribed. As for the people's customs that accompany them, such as preparing gatherings, parties, mourning ceremonies, and the like, these are among the invalid matters. If you meet the bereaved, you offer your condolences; you may meet him in the market, in the store, in the mosque, or anywhere, and offer your condolences, or you may go to his home. There is no harm in going to his home and offering your condolences; all of this is permissible. However, setting specific times and places for condolences, erecting tents and canopies, slaughtering animals, and observing days and weeks—none of this is permissible. First, because it is a religious innovation (bid'ah), and second, because it is extravagance and waste. The noble Companion, may Allah be pleased with him, said—ah, the noble Companion Jarir ibn Abdullah said, "We considered gathering at the home of the deceased and preparing food to be part of wailing." If matters are exaggerated to this extent, they become part of wailing.
However, if food is prepared for the family of the deceased and served to them because they are preoccupied with the loss and do not cook food as they are grieving, and their neighbors prepare food for them to eat, this is in accordance with the Sunnah. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said: "What occupied them came to them." This is an act of cooperation and of consoling the bereaved. The opposite, where the bereaved person himself organizes parties, feasts, and the like, is contrary to the Sunnah. This involves intimidation and expenses, .

Another questioner:
I heard about attending.

The Shaykh:
Yes, indeed. You do not attend these gatherings. If you attend them, you are approving them.

Another questioner:
I am a student.

The Shaykh:
If they are your relatives, you attend, but you warn them against this practice. You make it clear to them that this is not prescribed. This puts others in an awkward position, because it becomes a custom, and whoever does not do it is considered to have fallen short in the rights of his deceased and in the rights of this person. You must be aware of these matters and teach people, clarifying the Islamic ruling to them little by little, so that perhaps Allah will guide through you and benefit through you. Yes. There is no fixed limit of three days, or one day, or this; it is according to what is feasible.