The punishment of the deceased due to the wailing of his family over him

Question:
I have heard that the deceased is punished in his grave because of the wailing of his family over him. Please clarify this meaning. May Allah reward you with good?

Answer:
Yes, there are hadiths stating that the deceased is punished for what is wailed over him, along with the saying of Allah the Exalted: But it is not except for what you used to do. The scholars have differed on how to reconcile these texts. Some scholars said that the meaning of "punished for the wailing of his family over him" or "for what is wailed over him" is that if he had willed it before his death—willing that people wail over him and tear their clothes over him—then he is punished for it because he was pleased with this matter before his death. As the poet said: "When I die, wail over me with what I deserve, and tear your clothes over me, O mother of Ma'bad." Such a person is punished because he willed it before his death, so he is pleased with it. Thus, the hadiths apply to the one who willed it. Other scholars hold that the meaning of "punished for the wailing of his family" or "for what is wailed over them" is that he is pained by it; that he is pained in his grave by it. This is the meaning of the punishment: his pain from this matter. The truth is that it is obligatory to keep the texts on their apparent meaning, that he is punished for what is wailed over him. This necessitates forbidding wailing over the dead and forbidding tearing clothes over the dead, because they are afflicted with punishment from it while they are in their graves, whereas those who wail think that this is a form of honoring them and showing their status and the impact of their loss, and that the one over whom no one wails has no value. This is what the deceased says, and it is permissible, but the reality is different, and the deceased is harmed by this act because it is a sin. If the deceased knew that the wailers were being held accountable for this, they would refrain from wailing, and this would be a means of deterring them and preventing them from this act.

The presenter:
Yes.