Refraining from serving the household
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Fatwa number ( 6295 )
Q: I have a wife with five children, including an infant and one who is walking. Since my wife, their mother, has not fulfilled her domestic and marital duties, nor has she kept her children clean, nor shown any concern for me, nor accepted any guidance or request from me. This includes her lack of response when I request intimacy in accordance with the way of Allah and His Messenger. She goes out without my permission and shows no regard for me. When I come home, I find the children, including the infant, crying, and she is not with them, and I was not informed of her going out. I also wish she would prepare a meal, or tea and coffee, and keep the clothes clean, but all such services are lacking from her, along with her harsh behavior. Therefore, I seek your esteemed fatwa on what I should do with this wife. Some of my brothers have advised me to get a medicine that will make her obedient to me. Is this medicine not forbidden? I await your esteemed response and guidance on what I should do regarding this wife. May Allah reward you with the best reward and guide you to the good of this world and the Hereafter.
A: If the situation is as you described, then advise her and explain to her the rights of the husband over his wife, and the rights of the children over their mother, with gentleness and softness. It is not permissible for her to leave her husband's house without his permission. Use diplomacy and kindness in guiding her to fulfill her duty. Fulfill the rights that are obligatory upon you toward her, and cooperate with her parents and the mahram relatives among her kin. If she reforms, praise be to Allah. If she refuses, boycott her in the bed. If that does not help, strike her with a disciplinary strike, not a strike of revenge. If she obeys, treat her well and deal with her in a good manner. If she refuses and reconciliation between you is not possible, then there is nothing but patience or separation. Allah the Exalted said:
[An-Nisa 4:34-35] As for the medicine that some of your brothers suggested to you, if it is a ruqyah because they think she is affected by the evil eye, there is no harm in it if it is done by reciting the Qur'an, the Prophetic supplications, and the like, provided there is no shirk (associating partners with Allah). If she is suffering from a mental illness that has affected her nerves, take her to a doctor of nervous diseases in the hospital, perhaps Allah the Exalted will cure her. If what you mentioned involves the works of sorcerers, it is not permissible, and you would commit a great sin if you did so. And success is from Allah, and may Allah send prayers and blessings upon our Prophet Muhammad, his family, and his Companions.
Psychologically, it affected her nerves, so take her to a neurologist at the hospital, perhaps Allah the Exalted will heal her. And if what you mentioned is the work of sorcerers, it is not permissible, and you would commit a great sin if you did it. And success is from Allah, and may Allah send prayers and blessings upon our Prophet Muhammad, his family, and his Companions.
Q: I have a wife with five children, including an infant and one who is walking. Since my wife, their mother, has not fulfilled her domestic and marital duties, nor has she kept her children clean, nor shown any concern for me, nor accepted any guidance or request from me. This includes her lack of response when I request intimacy in accordance with the way of Allah and His Messenger. She goes out without my permission and shows no regard for me. When I come home, I find the children, including the infant, crying, and she is not with them, and I was not informed of her going out. I also wish she would prepare a meal, or tea and coffee, and keep the clothes clean, but all such services are lacking from her, along with her harsh behavior. Therefore, I seek your esteemed fatwa on what I should do with this wife. Some of my brothers have advised me to get a medicine that will make her obedient to me. Is this medicine not forbidden? I await your esteemed response and guidance on what I should do regarding this wife. May Allah reward you with the best reward and guide you to the good of this world and the Hereafter.
A: If the situation is as you described, then advise her and explain to her the rights of the husband over his wife, and the rights of the children over their mother, with gentleness and softness. It is not permissible for her to leave her husband's house without his permission. Use diplomacy and kindness in guiding her to fulfill her duty. Fulfill the rights that are obligatory upon you toward her, and cooperate with her parents and the mahram relatives among her kin. If she reforms, praise be to Allah. If she refuses, boycott her in the bed. If that does not help, strike her with a disciplinary strike, not a strike of revenge. If she obeys, treat her well and deal with her in a good manner. If she refuses and reconciliation between you is not possible, then there is nothing but patience or separation. Allah the Exalted said:
(34) Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance - [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand. (35) And if you fear dissension between the two, send an arbitrator from his people and an arbitrator from her people. If they both desire reconciliation, Allah will cause it between them. Indeed, Allah is ever Knowing and Acquainted [with all things].
الرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَاءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ اللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَى بَعْضٍ وَبِمَا أَنْفَقُوا مِنْ أَمْوَالِهِمْ فَالصَّالِحَاتُ قَانِتَاتٌ حَافِظَاتٌ لِلْغَيْبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ اللَّهُ وَاللاتِي تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَاهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِ وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلا تَبْغُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلا إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّا كَبِيرًا (34) وَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ شِقَاقَ بَيْنِهِمَا فَابْعَثُوا حَكَمًا مِنْ أَهْلِهِ وَحَكَمًا مِنْ أَهْلِهَا إِنْ يُرِيدَا إِصْلاحًا يُوَفِّقِ اللَّهُ بَيْنَهُمَا إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيمًا خَبِيرًاPsychologically, it affected her nerves, so take her to a neurologist at the hospital, perhaps Allah the Exalted will heal her. And if what you mentioned is the work of sorcerers, it is not permissible, and you would commit a great sin if you did it. And success is from Allah, and may Allah send prayers and blessings upon our Prophet Muhammad, his family, and his Companions.
Source
www.alifta.gov.sa
The Arabic text is copied verbatim from the original source, without any edits.