What is the ruling on a father forcing his son to marry or to divorce?

The questioner : Peace be upon you. The questioner asks: Is it permissible for anyone to intervene in a man's marriage by forcing him to marry a girl he does not want? Also, my father does not want to marry me off, so is it permissible for me to marry even if I am disobeying him?

The Shaykh : This question contains two questions. The first question is: Is it permissible for a father to force his son to marry a woman he does not want? We say: No, it is not permissible for a father to force his son to marry a woman he does not want. And if the son marries a woman he does not want, it appears that the outcome will not be good. Furthermore, the son is not obligated to obey his father in marrying a woman he does not want. It is permissible for the son to say to his father, "I will not marry this woman." As for the second issue, he says his father does not want to marry him off, and asks if he may marry even if he is disobeying him. Regarding the second point, he says his father does not want to marry you off. We say: If you have a mahr (bridal gift), it is not obligatory for your father to marry you off, because you are self-sufficient with a large amount of money. However, he has no right to prevent you from marrying. You may marry if he prevents you from doing so, even if you are fair to him in that matter. On this occasion, I also wish to say that it is not permissible for a father to force his son to divorce his wife. Some fathers, whether the mother or the father, may force the son to divorce his wife. This is haram (forbidden) for him. It is not permissible to separate him from his wife. The son is not obligated to obey his father if he tells him, "Divorce your wife." This is clear because the wife is among the necessities of life and the needs of a person, and no one else has the right to intervene in his needs and necessities. However, some of you may ask: What is the answer to the hadith of 'Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) when he ordered his son Abdullah to divorce his wife? The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) ordered Ibn 'Umar to divorce his wife following the statement of 'Umar (may Allah be pleased with him). This is evidence that if a father orders his son to divorce his wife, he should divorce her. We say in response to this: This is a weak narration according to Imam Ahmad, because Imam Ahmad (may Allah have mercy on him) said that the son is not obligated to divorce his wife if his father orders him to do so. He was asked, "O Abu 'Abdullah, what do you say about the hadith of 'Umar?" He said to the questioner, "Is your father like 'Umar?" Is your father like 'Umar? 'Umar ordered Abdullah to divorce his wife for a shari'ah reason. So if the father orders his son to divorce his wife for a shari'ah reason, then the application of this hadith is directed here. We say to the father: Obey your father, not because he ordered you, but for the shari'ah reason for which the ruling was established. However, if the father wants his son to divorce his wife for a personal purpose, such as not getting along with the woman, and likewise the mother, then there is no obedience to them in that matter. The son is not a sinner by disobeying them in this matter. Does that make him a sinner? No.
When he ordered his son Abdullah to divorce his wife. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) ordered Ibn 'Umar to divorce his wife following the statement of 'Umar (may Allah be pleased with him). This is evidence that if a father orders his son to divorce his wife, he should divorce her. We say in response to this: This is a weak narration according to Imam Ahmad, because Imam Ahmad (may Allah have mercy on him) said that the son is not obligated to divorce his wife if his father orders him to do so. He was asked, "O Abu 'Abdullah, what do you say about the hadith of 'Umar?" He said to the questioner, "Is your father like 'Umar?" Is your father like 'Umar? 'Umar ordered Abdullah to divorce his wife for a shari'ah reason. So if the father orders his son to divorce his wife for a shari'ah reason, then the application of this hadith is directed here. We say to the father: Obey your father, not because he ordered you, but for the shari'ah reason for which the ruling was established. However, if the father wants his son to divorce his wife for a personal purpose, such as not getting along with the woman, and likewise the mother, then there is no obedience to them in that matter. The son is not a sinner by disobeying them in this matter. Does that make him a sinner? No.