A Wrong Action
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Prolonging the Engagement Period
Question: I proposed to my maternal cousin, and praise be to Allah, and the engagement was completed. One year and three months have passed since the engagement, and to this day the marriage contract has not been performed. She is waiting for me, and I have not yet been able to obtain the amount needed to establish the marriage. Is there a sin on me for this delay? And if there is a sin on me, please inform me what I should do?
Answer: There is no sin on you for this delay as long as it is due to your financial hardship and your preoccupation with gathering the costs of the marriage, because it is due to an excuse. However, you should ask their forgiveness, inform them of the reality, and that you need time to gather the necessary provisions. If you inform them of this and they permit it, there is no harm in that, and there is no blame on you. What we advise is that a husband should not burden himself with marriage expenses that he cannot afford. Rather, it is recommended to facilitate marriage, facilitate the mahr, and reduce the costs of marriage as much as possible.
[A Wrong Action]
Question: I have a paternal cousin of marriageable age. After I traveled from my country, a young man proposed to her for marriage, and her family agreed, and she also agreed. When I returned to the country and learned of this, I asked my uncle to ask this young man to give up on her for me, as I desire to marry her. However, my uncle refused my request. The girl herself wants me to be her husband when asked about it, and her mother also agrees to annul her engagement and marry me to her. When this prospective groom learned of my attempts to annul his engagement to my cousin, he became angry, and problems nearly occurred, despite my willingness to pay everything he had offered and lost for this girl. But after some people intervened to reconcile and asked him to give up his engagement to my cousin, it was actually done without his full consent; rather, he did it out of modesty and consideration.And as it is said: To appease his feelings, is there a sin on me for this action of mine? And is it permissible for me to marry her after that, or not?
Answer: You made a mistake in this action of yours. What you should have done, when you learned that your Muslim brother had preceded you to this woman, was not to enter into this matter, but to turn to another wife. Because the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him)Sunan ad-Darimi 11:11 This is a right for a Muslim who preceded you to it, so it is not permissible for you to transgress against him, or to ruin his affair in this. The right of a Muslim over a Muslim is great, and his sanctity is great. So you made a mistake in this, and it is obligatory for you to repent to Allah (Mighty and Majestic) and not to return to something like this, and to seek your brother's forgiveness for what came from you regarding his right, and to ask him for pardon.
As for marrying her, you ask: is it permissible for you to marry her after he gave up on her?
If he gave up on her and no longer has any desire for her, there is no barrier to you marrying her. But if he has a desire for her and still wants her, and only left her, as you mentioned, out of modesty and courtesy, then it is better that you leave him the opportunity to marry her.
Question: I proposed to my maternal cousin, and praise be to Allah, and the engagement was completed. One year and three months have passed since the engagement, and to this day the marriage contract has not been performed. She is waiting for me, and I have not yet been able to obtain the amount needed to establish the marriage. Is there a sin on me for this delay? And if there is a sin on me, please inform me what I should do?
Answer: There is no sin on you for this delay as long as it is due to your financial hardship and your preoccupation with gathering the costs of the marriage, because it is due to an excuse. However, you should ask their forgiveness, inform them of the reality, and that you need time to gather the necessary provisions. If you inform them of this and they permit it, there is no harm in that, and there is no blame on you. What we advise is that a husband should not burden himself with marriage expenses that he cannot afford. Rather, it is recommended to facilitate marriage, facilitate the mahr, and reduce the costs of marriage as much as possible.
[A Wrong Action]
Question: I have a paternal cousin of marriageable age. After I traveled from my country, a young man proposed to her for marriage, and her family agreed, and she also agreed. When I returned to the country and learned of this, I asked my uncle to ask this young man to give up on her for me, as I desire to marry her. However, my uncle refused my request. The girl herself wants me to be her husband when asked about it, and her mother also agrees to annul her engagement and marry me to her. When this prospective groom learned of my attempts to annul his engagement to my cousin, he became angry, and problems nearly occurred, despite my willingness to pay everything he had offered and lost for this girl. But after some people intervened to reconcile and asked him to give up his engagement to my cousin, it was actually done without his full consent; rather, he did it out of modesty and consideration.And as it is said: To appease his feelings, is there a sin on me for this action of mine? And is it permissible for me to marry her after that, or not?
Answer: You made a mistake in this action of yours. What you should have done, when you learned that your Muslim brother had preceded you to this woman, was not to enter into this matter, but to turn to another wife. Because the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him)
He prohibited a man from proposing to a woman on whom his brother has already proposed,
نهى أن يخطب الرجل على خطبة أخيه،As for marrying her, you ask: is it permissible for you to marry her after he gave up on her?
If he gave up on her and no longer has any desire for her, there is no barrier to you marrying her. But if he has a desire for her and still wants her, and only left her, as you mentioned, out of modesty and courtesy, then it is better that you leave him the opportunity to marry her.