Explanation of the second characteristic that permits backbiting, which is identifying the person, and mentioning the evidence for it.

The Shaykh : The second type is "one who identifies," and this occurs very frequently, and many people neglect to carry it out. The one who identifies has examples from our real lives, as we mentioned earlier, but the Sunnah must be cited, especially in such a sensitive point which is a restriction on the general principle: backbiting except in such and such; the six instances that you have heard, one of which is the one who identifies. So the Sunnah preserved for us a suitable example for what we are dealing with; for it is reported in "Sahih al-Bukhari" and others that a woman came to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and said: "O Messenger of Allah, Abu Jahm—by the mīm—Abu Jahm, and do not confuse him in your hearing with Abu Jahl, for he is Abu Jahm, one of the Companions of the Messenger (peace be upon him) who believed in him." This woman said: "Abu Jahm and Mu'awiyah have proposed to me." As if she were saying: So what do you advise, O Messenger of Allah? The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) did not advise her to choose one of them, but he mentioned what had to be mentioned from what we are discussing, which some ignorant people or some of those who are overly strict might consider backbiting. So the Messenger (peace be upon him) engaged in backbiting, but he engaged in the permissible, indeed obligatory, kind of backbiting. Why? Because his (peace and blessings be upon him) answer to her was a description of each of the two suitors, or rather: a clarification of the flaw of each of the two men according to the custom of women. He (peace and blessings be upon him) said: , and this is, of course, what women are pleased with according to the two interpretations mentioned by the scholars; because they interpreted this phrase with two meanings, the first of which is stronger in our view than the second. The first meaning is that he is a man who beats women, so when he (peace be upon him) said: , it is an allusion that he is ready to beat his wife for the slightest sin that comes out of her, and this is, of course, something women do not desire. So it is as if he is saying: The man has no flaw except this, so if you have the capacity to bear it, he is a good man.
.

Another questioner : ... .

The Shaykh : Yes, pardon me.
I forgot to mention the second interpretation of his (peace be upon him) saying: ; that is, it is an allusion that he is one who travels a lot; because the Arabs usually place the staff on their shoulder, hang the provisions on the top of the staff, and walk and travel; so this is an allusion that the man travels a lot. And this is also a flaw according to women; because women, except for a few of them, desire their husbands to be like them, staying at home, and not going out, especially on many occasions and many days of travel, even if it is for the purpose of seeking a livelihood. So this is also a flaw according to women. But other narrations came that specified that the meaning of this beautiful phrase——is that he beats women for the most trivial reasons.
As for the other man who proposed to her, he (peace and blessings be upon him) said about him: ; of course, do not let your attention be drawn to Mu'awiyah when he became the king of kings and the Caliph of the Muslims; for this world, a person may be a beggar at first, then the world turns and its wheel turns, and if he becomes a leader, whether rightfully or wrongfully—that is another discussion—Mu'awiyah, on the day he proposed to that woman, was a poor man, a beggar who was not given any heed and no one paid attention to him. And this is also a flaw according to women; women naturally desire a man of noble lineage, good family, handsome, influential, and so on. This is what the Messenger (peace be upon him) did; he mentioned the flaw of each of the two suitors to her. And here is the point; so is this backbiting?
The answer is: No. First, because the Messenger, may he be kept safe, would not fall into what he forbade people from. Second, because the forbidden backbiting is that in which a person takes advantage of another without seeking a specific benefit for a Muslim or a general benefit for Muslims.
And here it is very obvious that when the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) described each of the two men to that woman, he did not intend to harm them, and there was no enmity whatsoever between him and either of them. But he mentioned it as advice to the questioner when she said: "Abu Jahm and Mu'awiyah have proposed to me." He (peace and blessings be upon him) said: .
What was the outcome of this consultation from this woman and the clarification of the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) to her? You have not heard that she turned away from both of the men. So the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) directed her to a man from the Companions, from the best of the Companions. I think, if my memory does not fail me, that it was Usamah ibn Zayd. She said: "So I found in him a righteous man"—or as she said—she married him and found him to be the desired one and the goal.
If such a matter were to occur today, and it occurs very frequently, and one of those ignorant people or overly strict people heard a man saying to so-and-so who sought his advice: "As for so-and-so, his flaw is such and such, and so-and-so, his flaw is such." My brother, why are you cutting off her livelihood? This is what they say!! They do not know that religion is advice; and therefore the scholars—may Allah reward them with good—collected the topic for us from all its aspects, so they did not leave the hadith of the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him): absolutely as it is, so that Muslims live without advising one another. Rather, they clarified that there are matters that fall within the general meaning of backbiting but are excluded from the ruling of prohibition in it. So it has become clear to us now the first type, the one who is wronged, and the second type, the one who identifies. And the one who identifies, this is the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) identifying to that woman the state of her two suitors.