Explanation of the second characteristic that permits backbiting, which is identifying the person, and mentioning the evidence for it.

The Shaykh : The second type is "identifying the person", and this occurs frequently, very frequently, and many people neglect to act upon it. As for identifying the person, let us take an example from our real lives, as we mentioned earlier. However, it is necessary to cite the Sunnah, especially in such a sensitive point, which is the restriction of this general principle: backbiting is mentioning your brother in a way he dislikes, except in such-and-such cases—the six situations you have heard. One of them is identifying the person. The Sunnah has preserved for us a valid example of what we are discussing, as it came in Sahih al-Bukhari and others that a woman came to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and said, "O Messenger of Allah, Abu Jahm—by the letter mīm, Abu Jahm, and do not confuse it in your hearing with Abu Jahl; it is Abu Jahm, one of the Companions of the Messenger (peace be upon him) who believed in him." This woman said, "Abu Jahm and Mu'awiyah have proposed to me", as if she were saying, "So what do you advise, O Messenger of Allah?" The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) did not advise her to choose one of them, but he mentioned what had to be mentioned, which is what we are currently discussing. Some ignorant people or some overly strict people might consider this backbiting of the Messenger (peace be upon him), but it is permissible backbiting, indeed obligatory. Why? Because his (peace and blessings be upon him) answer to her was describing each of the suitors, or rather, pointing out the flaw of each of the two men according to the custom of women. He (peace and blessings be upon him) said, . This, of course, does not please women, according to the two interpretations mentioned by the scholars, because this phrase was interpreted with two meanings, the first of which is stronger in our view than the second. The first meaning is that he is a man who beats women, as he (peace and blessings be upon him) said, , which is an allusion that he beats his wife for the slightest sin that comes from her, and this is naturally something women do not desire. So it is as if he is saying, "The man has no flaw except this; if you have the capacity to bear it, he is a good man." ... I forgot to mention the second interpretation of his (peace and blessings be upon him) saying, , which is an allusion that he is one who travels a lot, because the Arabs usually place the staff on their shoulders and hang their provisions on the top of the staff and walk and travel. So this is an allusion that the man travels a lot, and this is also a flaw according to women, because women, except for a few of them, desire their husbands to be like them, staying at home and not going out, especially in many times and many days and many travels, even if it is for the sake of seeking a livelihood. So this is also a flaw according to women. But other narrations came that specified that the meaning of this subtle phrase, , is that he beats women for the most trivial reasons. As for the other man who proposed to her, he (peace and blessings be upon him) said about him, "As for Mu'awiyah, he is a poor man." Of course, do not let your minds go to Mu'awiyah when he became the king of kings and the Caliph of the Muslims. In this world, a person may be poor at the beginning, then the world turns and the wheel turns, and he becomes a leader, whether rightfully or wrongfully—that is another discussion. So Mu'awiyah, when he proposed to that woman, was a poor man, a destitute man who was not given any attention and no one paid any heed to him. And this is also a flaw according to women; women want a man of noble lineage, beautiful, and of high status, and so on. This is what the Messenger (peace be upon him) did: he mentioned the flaw of each of the suitors to her. And here is the point: Is this backbiting? The answer is no. First, because the Messenger (may he be kept safe from it) would not fall into what he forbade people from. Second, because the forbidden backbiting is that in which a person takes advantage of another without seeking a specific benefit for a Muslim or a general benefit for Muslims. And here it is very obvious that when the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him and his family) described each of the two men to that woman, he did not intend to harm them, and there was no enmity whatsoever between him and either of them. But he mentioned it as advice to the questioner when she said, "Abu Jahm and Mu'awiyah have proposed to me". He (peace and blessings be upon him) said, . What was the outcome of this consultation from this woman and the clarification of the Messenger (peace be upon him) to her? As you have heard, she turned away from both of the men. So the Messenger (peace be upon him) directed her to a man from the Companions, from the best of the Companions. I think, if my memory does not fail me, it was Usamah ibn Zayd. She said, "I found in him a righteous man," or as she said. She married him and found him to be the desired one and the intended one. If such a matter were to occur today—and it occurs frequently, very frequently—and one of those ignorant or overly strict people heard a man say to so-and-so who sought his advice, "As for so-and-so, his flaw is such-and-such, and so-and-so, his flaw is such-and-such," they would say, "My brother, why are you cutting off her livelihood?" They are ignorant that the religion is about advising one another. And therefore, the scholars (may Allah reward them with good) have gathered the topic for us from all its angles, so they did not leave the hadith of the Messenger (peace be upon him), , as it is absolutely, so that Muslims can live without advising one another. Rather, they clarified that there are matters that fall within the general meaning of backbiting but are excluded from the ruling of prohibition in it. So it has become clear to us now the first type, the one who is wronged, and the second type, identifying the person. And identifying the person: this is the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) identifying to that woman the state of her suitors.