The Issue of Negligence and Carelessness in Divorce
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Honorable Shaykh! Many people have become accustomed to the practice that if a man wants to divorce his wife, he does so while she is in her parents' home, either during postpartum bleeding or after a visit from him. He also divorces her in his own home following a disagreement between them, then takes her to her parents' home and does not keep her with him. Furthermore, he does not consider whether she has completed her waiting period or not. What is the ruling of the Shari'ah in this matter, what is your guidance, and what is the consequence for the one who does this?
First: May Allah reward you all. Know that Satan is most eager to separate a man from his wife; he strives for this with great intensity.Until the sorcerers made the greatest thing they learn: [al-Baqarah:102] And it is reported in some narrations that Satan sends his soldiers to mislead people. One of them comes and says, "I misled so-and-so until he did such-and-such,"And the second Satan comes and says: and another says, "I did not leave so-and-so until I separated him from his wife."He clings to him and says to him: It is you, it is you.
Meaning: You are the one. For this reason, we see that divorce has become common among people today, unfortunately, and a man divorces his wife over the most trivial things. Even if she comes in and has not finished preparing the tea,Meaning: and all that remains is for her to sweeten it,He said: he says, "Why didn't you do it? Why were you late? You are divorced three times." He does not know whether she is menstruating or not, whether she is in a state of purity in which he had intercourse with her or not. He does not know. Satan incites him until he pronounces the divorce.
And we say first: Do not divorce your wife except out of a firm resolve and an inability to bear with her. If patience is possible, then be patient and endure.And remember the saying of your Lord (Mighty and Majestic): [al-Nisa:19] And remember the saying of your Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him): "A believer does not hate a believing woman—Meaning: meaning, he does not dislike her and detest her—if he dislikes a trait in her, he is pleased with another trait in her." Know your own standing: you are a man and she is a woman created from a rib, and the most crooked part of the rib is its top. You are the one who endures, and she is not. Have you not seen that the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him), who is the noblest of creation, had his wives gather against him demanding financial maintenance, even though he was the best of people in character and the most generous of them? Until he boycotted them for a month, (peace and blessings be upon him).
So the obligatory thing for a person first is: He should not divorce except after careful consideration and conviction that the situation cannot be repaired. If it is possible to repair the relationship, even with reluctance and dislike, let him repair it.
Then, if he is determined to divorce and that it is necessary, let him divorce her either while she is pregnant, or while she is in a state of purity in which he has not had intercourse with her.And my saying: Either while she is pregnant,dispels the assumption of some common people: that a pregnant woman is not to be divorced.
Therefore, always those who seek a ruling say: You see, he divorced her while she was pregnant.meaning, its meaning is: She has no divorce, and this is a mistake. The pregnant woman is the one whom it is permissible to divorce before she performs the ritual bath from major ritual impurity caused by him. So if a man has intercourse with his wife while she is pregnant and divorces her immediately after finishing, there is no harm; it is permissible. But if he has intercourse with her while she is in a state of purity and then wants to divorce her, we say: Be patient until it becomes clear whether she is pregnant from this intercourse, or until she menstruates and then becomes pure, and then divorce her before you have intercourse with her.
Therefore, a person should be deliberate if he wants to divorce. If divorce is necessary, let him look at the woman's condition. If she is menstruating, wait until she becomes pure, then divorce her before having intercourse with her. If she is pregnant, divorce her. If she is in a state of purity in which he had intercourse with her, wait until she menstruates or it becomes clear that she is pregnant. If she is in a state of purity in which he has not had intercourse with her, divorce her, and there is no objection to that. So one must look into the matter.
Then, if he wants to divorce, he should go to a trustworthy man who knows the rulings and have the divorce written in the Shari'ah manner. Because some of those who write divorces—may Allah guide us and them—Meaning: things of this kind are presented to us,When the husband came to him, he said: "What do you want us to write?"The husband, in anger, says: "Write three."
He was supposed to say to him: We write one divorce. If it is one divorce, the choice is in the husband's hand; if he wishes, he can take her back, and if he wishes, he does not. But if it is three, he may lose the option. In any case, the matter is serious, and the carelessness with divorce today, where a man divorces over the most trivial reasons, or perhaps divorces over something he has no need for,For example: such as when a man hosts a guest, and the guest sees him moving to slaughter a lamb for him,He said: he says, "I am divorced if you do not slaughter,"The second one said: and the host says, "I am divorced if I do not slaughter for you." So what do we do in this situation?! We ask Allah for safety. This is carelessness.
So these matters require attention, and we should not treat them as a joke.
First: May Allah reward you all. Know that Satan is most eager to separate a man from his wife; he strives for this with great intensity.Until the sorcerers made the greatest thing they learn:
that by which they cause separation between a man and his wife
مَا يُفَرِّقُونَ بِهِ بَيْنَ الْمَرْءِ وَزَوْجِهِMeaning: You are the one. For this reason, we see that divorce has become common among people today, unfortunately, and a man divorces his wife over the most trivial things. Even if she comes in and has not finished preparing the tea,Meaning: and all that remains is for her to sweeten it,He said: he says, "Why didn't you do it? Why were you late? You are divorced three times." He does not know whether she is menstruating or not, whether she is in a state of purity in which he had intercourse with her or not. He does not know. Satan incites him until he pronounces the divorce.
And we say first: Do not divorce your wife except out of a firm resolve and an inability to bear with her. If patience is possible, then be patient and endure.And remember the saying of your Lord (Mighty and Majestic):
For if you dislike them - perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good.
فَإِنْ كَرِهْتُمُوهُنَّ فَعَسَى أَنْ تَكْرَهُوا شَيْئاً وَيَجْعَلَ اللَّهُ فِيهِ خَيْراً كَثِيراًSo the obligatory thing for a person first is: He should not divorce except after careful consideration and conviction that the situation cannot be repaired. If it is possible to repair the relationship, even with reluctance and dislike, let him repair it.
Then, if he is determined to divorce and that it is necessary, let him divorce her either while she is pregnant, or while she is in a state of purity in which he has not had intercourse with her.And my saying: Either while she is pregnant,dispels the assumption of some common people: that a pregnant woman is not to be divorced.
Therefore, always those who seek a ruling say: You see, he divorced her while she was pregnant.meaning, its meaning is: She has no divorce, and this is a mistake. The pregnant woman is the one whom it is permissible to divorce before she performs the ritual bath from major ritual impurity caused by him. So if a man has intercourse with his wife while she is pregnant and divorces her immediately after finishing, there is no harm; it is permissible. But if he has intercourse with her while she is in a state of purity and then wants to divorce her, we say: Be patient until it becomes clear whether she is pregnant from this intercourse, or until she menstruates and then becomes pure, and then divorce her before you have intercourse with her.
Therefore, a person should be deliberate if he wants to divorce. If divorce is necessary, let him look at the woman's condition. If she is menstruating, wait until she becomes pure, then divorce her before having intercourse with her. If she is pregnant, divorce her. If she is in a state of purity in which he had intercourse with her, wait until she menstruates or it becomes clear that she is pregnant. If she is in a state of purity in which he has not had intercourse with her, divorce her, and there is no objection to that. So one must look into the matter.
Then, if he wants to divorce, he should go to a trustworthy man who knows the rulings and have the divorce written in the Shari'ah manner. Because some of those who write divorces—may Allah guide us and them—Meaning: things of this kind are presented to us,When the husband came to him, he said: "What do you want us to write?"The husband, in anger, says: "Write three."
He was supposed to say to him: We write one divorce. If it is one divorce, the choice is in the husband's hand; if he wishes, he can take her back, and if he wishes, he does not. But if it is three, he may lose the option. In any case, the matter is serious, and the carelessness with divorce today, where a man divorces over the most trivial reasons, or perhaps divorces over something he has no need for,For example: such as when a man hosts a guest, and the guest sees him moving to slaughter a lamb for him,He said: he says, "I am divorced if you do not slaughter,"The second one said: and the host says, "I am divorced if I do not slaughter for you." So what do we do in this situation?! We ask Allah for safety. This is carelessness.
So these matters require attention, and we should not treat them as a joke.