Many people divorce their wives while they are in their parents' homes, and when they divorce them, they do not leave them in their own home, nor do they care whether they are observing the waiting period or not?
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The questioner : May Allah reward you.
The Shaykh : Yes.
The questioner : Many people have become accustomed to the fact that when a man wants to divorce his wife, he divorces her while she is in her parents' home, either after post-natal bleeding or!
The Shaykh : Or?
The questioner : In a state of post-natal bleeding or after a visit to them. Also, he divorces her in his home after a disagreement between them, then takes her to her parents and does not keep her with him. He also does not consider whether she is observing the waiting period or not. What is the ruling of the Shari'ah in this matter, what is your guidance, and what sin does the one who does this incur?
The Shaykh : First: May Allah reward you all. Know that Satan is most eager to separate a man from his wife. He strives for this with great intensity, to the point that sorcerers make the greatest thing they learn what they use to separate a man from his wife. It is even reported in some narrations that Satan sends his soldiers to mislead people. One comes and says, "I misled so-and-so until he did such and such," and another Satan comes and says:, meaning, "You are the good one." For this reason, we see that divorce has become common on people's tongues today, unfortunately, and that a man divorces his wife over the most trivial things. Even if she comes and has not finished preparing the tea, meaning she only has to sweeten it, he says, "Why are you late? You are divorced, three times," for example. He does not know if she is menstruating or not, if she is in a state of purity in which he had intercourse with her or not. He does not know, but Satan urges him until he divorces her. And we say:
First: Do not divorce your wife except after careful consideration and an inability to be patient with her. If patience is possible, be patient and endure, and remember the saying of your Lord, Mighty and Majestic:[An-Nisa 4:19] and remember the saying of your Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him): Sahih Muslim 1468b meaning: he does not hate her and dislike her. Sahih Muslim 1468b, and know your own worth, that you are a man and she is a woman. She was created from a rib, and the most crooked thing in the rib is its top. You endure, and she does not endure. Endure her. Have you not seen that the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him), who is the noblest of creation, had his wives gather against him demanding financial maintenance, even though he was the best of people in character and the most generous of them, until he took an oath to abstain from them for a month, (peace and blessings be upon him). So it is obligatory for a man, first, not to divorce except after careful consideration and conviction that the situation cannot be fixed. If it can be fixed, even with reluctance, even with dislike, let him be patient. Then, if he resolves to divorce and that it is necessary, let him divorce her either while she is pregnant or while she is in a state of purity in which he has not had intercourse with her. And my saying "either while she is pregnant" refutes the assumption of some laypeople that a pregnant woman cannot be divorced. Therefore, those who seek a ruling always say, "He divorced her while she was pregnant," meaning she cannot be divorced, and this is wrong. A pregnant woman is one whom it is permissible to divorce before she performs the full ritual bath from major ritual impurity due to her. Meaning, if a man has intercourse with a woman while she is pregnant and divorces her immediately after finishing the intercourse, there is no harm in it; it is permissible. But if he has intercourse with her while she is in a state of purity and then wants to divorce her, we say: Wait until when?
Until it becomes clear if she is pregnant from this intercourse, or until she menstruates, then becomes pure, and then you divorce her before you have intercourse with her. Therefore, it is recommended for a man, if he wants to divorce, as I said: it is obligatory for him, first, to wait. If divorce is necessary, let him look at the woman's condition. Is she menstruating? If she is menstruating, what does he do?
The questioner : He waits.
The Shaykh : And what do you say, people?
The questioner : He waits.
The Shaykh : He waits until she becomes pure, then he divorces her before he has intercourse with her. If she is pregnant?
The questioner : Divorce her.
The Shaykh : Divorce her. If she is in a state of purity in which he had intercourse with her?
The questioner : Wait.
The Shaykh : Wait until she menstruates or it becomes clear that she is pregnant. If she is in a state of purity in which he has not had intercourse with her? Divorce her. There is no obstacle, so one must look into this.
Then, when he wants to divorce, he goes to a trustworthy man who knows the rulings and writes her divorce in the Shari'ah manner. Because some of those who write divorces—may Allah guide us and them—things of this kind are presented to us. When the husband comes, he says, "Here, what do you want us to write?" The husband, in anger, says, "Write three!" He should have been told, "Come, we will write one divorce." If it is one divorce, who has the choice?
The husband has the choice. If he wishes, he takes her back, and if he wishes, he does not take her back. But if it is three, he may lose the choice. In any case, the matter is serious, and the playing with divorce now, and a man divorcing over the most trivial reasons, or perhaps divorcing over something he has no need for. A guest comes to him, and when the guest sees him moving to prepare food for him, he says, "I am divorced if you do not slaughter for me." The second says, "I am divorced unless I slaughter for you!" What do we do now? We ask Allah for safety. This is playing with it. These matters require attention and should not be taken as a joke.
The questioner : And what is the ruling?
The Shaykh : If this has happened, I would issue a ruling for you, but I do not issue a general ruling in this matter, because if we issue a general ruling in this, people will be negligent. We wish that people find a strong barrier against this action. And first, before independent legal reasoning expanded, if a man said, "If I do such and such, you are divorced," or "If you slaughter for me, my wife is divorced," or "I am divorced to slaughter for you," they would execute the divorce in any case, and they would execute the three divorces as three, even with one word, even in one sitting. And people feared this. But now, unfortunately, when independent legal reasoning expanded, people played with it. Therefore, from the jurisprudence of 'Umar ibn al-Khattab (may Allah be pleased with him and grant him satisfaction), divorce in the time of the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him), and in the time of Abu Bakr and two years of the caliphate of 'Umar, the three divorces were counted as one. A man would say to his wife, "You are divorced, you are divorced, you are divorced," and it would be said, "This is one. Take her back if you wish." When 'Umar saw that people were multiplying in this matter and not fearing Allah, because this is forbidden, for him to say, "You are divorced, you are divorced, you are divorced," this is forbidden and not permissible. When he saw them playing with this matter and falling into it a lot, he obligated them to abide by it, and said that any man who divorces his wife three times is prohibited from taking her back, and he closed the door as a discipline for them. And so it should be for students of knowledge and muftis to look at the conditions of people. It may be more appropriate for people to be prevented from something permissible to them to block the means to harm. So the mufti should be wise in what he rules, and a teacher for the people. Yes.
The questioner : Does he take her out of the house?
The Shaykh : No. If a woman is divorced with a revocable divorce, she remains in her husband's house. He stays alone with her, she adorns herself for him, and he sleeps with her, but he does not have intercourse with her. Because the woman divorced with a revocable divorce is a wife, as Allah the Exalted said:[Al-Baqarah 2:228] So Allah called the divorcing parties "awliya" (guardians), because the woman divorced with a revocable divorce is in the status of a wife. It is not permissible for her to leave the house, and it is not permissible for the husband to take her out either. Now, when we divorce our wives, even with a revocable divorce, what is the situation with us? She gets angry immediately and goes to her parents.
The questioner : And some of them say: Get out.
The Shaykh : And some of them say, "Get out," and this is forbidden for the husband and for the wife, because Allah said:[At-Talaq 65:1] Look at the wisdom! Because hearts are in the hand of Allah, Mighty and Majestic. He may divorce her now, desiring to be away from her, hating her, and Allah may place love for her in his heart. So if she is with him in the house, there is no break, unlike if she went to her parents. Yes.
The questioner : ...
The Shaykh : You ask if it is your turn, if Allah wills. May Allah reward you.
The Shaykh : Yes.
The questioner : Many people have become accustomed to the fact that when a man wants to divorce his wife, he divorces her while she is in her parents' home, either after post-natal bleeding or!
The Shaykh : Or?
The questioner : In a state of post-natal bleeding or after a visit to them. Also, he divorces her in his home after a disagreement between them, then takes her to her parents and does not keep her with him. He also does not consider whether she is observing the waiting period or not. What is the ruling of the Shari'ah in this matter, what is your guidance, and what sin does the one who does this incur?
The Shaykh : First: May Allah reward you all. Know that Satan is most eager to separate a man from his wife. He strives for this with great intensity, to the point that sorcerers make the greatest thing they learn what they use to separate a man from his wife. It is even reported in some narrations that Satan sends his soldiers to mislead people. One comes and says, "I misled so-and-so until he did such and such," and another Satan comes and says:
He did not leave it until he separated him from his wife, so he should commit to it and say, "You are you."
ما تركته حتّى فرّقت بينه وبين زوجته فيلتزمه ويقول أنت أنتFirst: Do not divorce your wife except after careful consideration and an inability to be patient with her. If patience is possible, be patient and endure, and remember the saying of your Lord, Mighty and Majestic:
For if you dislike them - perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good.
فإن كرهتموهنّ فعسى أن تكرهوا شيئاً ويجعل الله فيه خيراً كثيراًA believing man should not hate a believing woman
لا يفرك مؤمن مؤمنةA believing man should not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.
لا يفرك مؤمن مؤمنة إن كره منها خُلُقَاً رضي منها خُلُقًا آخرUntil it becomes clear if she is pregnant from this intercourse, or until she menstruates, then becomes pure, and then you divorce her before you have intercourse with her. Therefore, it is recommended for a man, if he wants to divorce, as I said: it is obligatory for him, first, to wait. If divorce is necessary, let him look at the woman's condition. Is she menstruating? If she is menstruating, what does he do?
The questioner : He waits.
The Shaykh : And what do you say, people?
The questioner : He waits.
The Shaykh : He waits until she becomes pure, then he divorces her before he has intercourse with her. If she is pregnant?
The questioner : Divorce her.
The Shaykh : Divorce her. If she is in a state of purity in which he had intercourse with her?
The questioner : Wait.
The Shaykh : Wait until she menstruates or it becomes clear that she is pregnant. If she is in a state of purity in which he has not had intercourse with her? Divorce her. There is no obstacle, so one must look into this.
Then, when he wants to divorce, he goes to a trustworthy man who knows the rulings and writes her divorce in the Shari'ah manner. Because some of those who write divorces—may Allah guide us and them—things of this kind are presented to us. When the husband comes, he says, "Here, what do you want us to write?" The husband, in anger, says, "Write three!" He should have been told, "Come, we will write one divorce." If it is one divorce, who has the choice?
The husband has the choice. If he wishes, he takes her back, and if he wishes, he does not take her back. But if it is three, he may lose the choice. In any case, the matter is serious, and the playing with divorce now, and a man divorcing over the most trivial reasons, or perhaps divorcing over something he has no need for. A guest comes to him, and when the guest sees him moving to prepare food for him, he says, "I am divorced if you do not slaughter for me." The second says, "I am divorced unless I slaughter for you!" What do we do now? We ask Allah for safety. This is playing with it. These matters require attention and should not be taken as a joke.
The questioner : And what is the ruling?
The Shaykh : If this has happened, I would issue a ruling for you, but I do not issue a general ruling in this matter, because if we issue a general ruling in this, people will be negligent. We wish that people find a strong barrier against this action. And first, before independent legal reasoning expanded, if a man said, "If I do such and such, you are divorced," or "If you slaughter for me, my wife is divorced," or "I am divorced to slaughter for you," they would execute the divorce in any case, and they would execute the three divorces as three, even with one word, even in one sitting. And people feared this. But now, unfortunately, when independent legal reasoning expanded, people played with it. Therefore, from the jurisprudence of 'Umar ibn al-Khattab (may Allah be pleased with him and grant him satisfaction), divorce in the time of the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him), and in the time of Abu Bakr and two years of the caliphate of 'Umar, the three divorces were counted as one. A man would say to his wife, "You are divorced, you are divorced, you are divorced," and it would be said, "This is one. Take her back if you wish." When 'Umar saw that people were multiplying in this matter and not fearing Allah, because this is forbidden, for him to say, "You are divorced, you are divorced, you are divorced," this is forbidden and not permissible. When he saw them playing with this matter and falling into it a lot, he obligated them to abide by it, and said that any man who divorces his wife three times is prohibited from taking her back, and he closed the door as a discipline for them. And so it should be for students of knowledge and muftis to look at the conditions of people. It may be more appropriate for people to be prevented from something permissible to them to block the means to harm. So the mufti should be wise in what he rules, and a teacher for the people. Yes.
The questioner : Does he take her out of the house?
The Shaykh : No. If a woman is divorced with a revocable divorce, she remains in her husband's house. He stays alone with her, she adorns herself for him, and he sleeps with her, but he does not have intercourse with her. Because the woman divorced with a revocable divorce is a wife, as Allah the Exalted said:
And their husbands have more right to take them back in this
وبعولَتُهنّ أحقّ بردّهنّ في ذلكThe questioner : And some of them say: Get out.
The Shaykh : And some of them say, "Get out," and this is forbidden for the husband and for the wife, because Allah said:
Do not turn them out of their [husbands'] houses, nor should they [themselves] leave [during that period] unless they are committing a clear immorality. And those are the limits [set by] Allah. And whoever transgresses the limits of Allah has certainly wronged himself. You know not; perhaps Allah will bring about after that a [different] matter.
لا تخرجوهنّ من بيوتهنّ ولا يخرجن إلاّ أن يأتين بفاحشة مبيّنة وتلك حدود الله ومن يتعدّ حدود الله فقد ظلم نفسه لا تدري لعلّ الله يحدث بعد ذلك أمراًThe questioner : ...
The Shaykh : You ask if it is your turn, if Allah wills. May Allah reward you.