A dispute occurred between me and my wife, and as a result, I left the house with my daughter and took all her belongings with me.
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The questioner : A dispute occurred between me and my wife, and as a result, I left the house with my daughter and took all her belongings with me. On the following day, I wrote a letter to her brother stating that her matter was in his hands. I meant divorce, because I had read in a book of jurisprudence that it is permissible to use such expressions for this. Several days passed, and I then tore up the letter, and it did not reach anyone. After more than a year had passed, I approached my wife, who was hoping to return, and her family also reconsidered their stance. However, I have become uncertain about my situation: is this considered a valid divorce? According to my understanding, if more than three months have passed, the wife is taken back under a new contract. I ask you, may Allah reward you, to give your opinion. Am I sinful in what I did according to the Shari'ah? If so, what should I do to correct the mistake? Please advise us. May Allah reward you.
The Shaykh : Before I answer this question, I would like to warn the brother who asked, and other listeners, that the matter of divorce is not a trivial thing that happens with a word or the slightest emotion. It is prescribed for the husband to be able to control himself, to suppress his anger, and to master his rage, and not to rush into divorce. How many people have rushed into divorce and then regretted it, both he and his wife! Let him know that the wife is deficient in intellect and religion because she is a woman. It is established from the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) that he said:Sahih al-Bukhari 304 And she, meaning the wife, is quick to become emotional, but she is also quick to regret, because her behavior results from a deficiency in her intellect and religion. This is the nature of women in general. Therefore, a man should not rush to do what his wife dictates to him in such matters, because he is a man and he is the one who has authority over the woman. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) informed us that women are in a state of weakness with their husbands, meaning they are in the position of captives. He is the one who has authority over her, as Allah the Exalted said in describing the husband: .
If that is the case, then he must not submit to her outburst of anger or her poor behavior, but rather he should act wisely and address problems in the best way. The intelligent, believing man knows how to act. If a person wants to divorce, let him look to see if the woman is in a state that allows the divorce to take effect on her, or not? The state in which divorce can be effected on the wife is that she is pregnant, or that she is in a state of purity in which he has not had intercourse with her. If she is menstruating, he should not divorce her. And if she is in a state of purity in which he has had intercourse with her, he should not divorce her. As for if she is pregnant and he wants to divorce her, let him divorce her, and the divorce of a pregnant woman takes effect, contrary to what many common people understand, who think that the divorce of a pregnant woman does not take effect.
It is permissible for a person to divorce his wife himself, and to appoint someone to divorce her, whether he appoints her or appoints someone else. One of the forms of appointment is to say to her, "Your matter is in your hands." If he says to her, "Your matter is in your hands," and she accepts that and divorces herself, she is divorced. But if he says that and this statement does not reach her, and then he retracts it, there is no divorce, because it is an appointment that did not reach the appointed person, and then he rescinded it before it reached the appointer. Based on this, be reassured about your family, and let there be no distress in your heart. The wife is your wife, and no divorce has taken effect on her.
The questioner : May Allah reward you, Shaykh Muhammad. The listener is Abdul Aziz al-Hajj from Khartoum, Sudan. He says.
The Shaykh : Before I answer this question, I would like to warn the brother who asked, and other listeners, that the matter of divorce is not a trivial thing that happens with a word or the slightest emotion. It is prescribed for the husband to be able to control himself, to suppress his anger, and to master his rage, and not to rush into divorce. How many people have rushed into divorce and then regretted it, both he and his wife! Let him know that the wife is deficient in intellect and religion because she is a woman. It is established from the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) that he said:
I have not seen anyone more deficient in intelligence and religion than you. A cautious sensible man could be led astray by some of you.
ما رأيت من ناقصات عقل ودين أذهب للب الرجل الحازم من إحداكنAnd they found her master at the door
وَأَلْفَيَا سَيِّدَهَا لَدَى الْبَابِIf that is the case, then he must not submit to her outburst of anger or her poor behavior, but rather he should act wisely and address problems in the best way. The intelligent, believing man knows how to act. If a person wants to divorce, let him look to see if the woman is in a state that allows the divorce to take effect on her, or not? The state in which divorce can be effected on the wife is that she is pregnant, or that she is in a state of purity in which he has not had intercourse with her. If she is menstruating, he should not divorce her. And if she is in a state of purity in which he has had intercourse with her, he should not divorce her. As for if she is pregnant and he wants to divorce her, let him divorce her, and the divorce of a pregnant woman takes effect, contrary to what many common people understand, who think that the divorce of a pregnant woman does not take effect.
It is permissible for a person to divorce his wife himself, and to appoint someone to divorce her, whether he appoints her or appoints someone else. One of the forms of appointment is to say to her, "Your matter is in your hands." If he says to her, "Your matter is in your hands," and she accepts that and divorces herself, she is divorced. But if he says that and this statement does not reach her, and then he retracts it, there is no divorce, because it is an appointment that did not reach the appointed person, and then he rescinded it before it reached the appointer. Based on this, be reassured about your family, and let there be no distress in your heart. The wife is your wife, and no divorce has taken effect on her.
The questioner : May Allah reward you, Shaykh Muhammad. The listener is Abdul Aziz al-Hajj from Khartoum, Sudan. He says.