Ruling on one who divorced his wife twice and did not take her back, and she is living in his house

Question:
This is, to begin with, a message from a listener in Kuwait (M. F. Y) who says:
My wife and I had a quarrel some time ago, so I said to her: "You are divorced," just to make her stop talking. She said another word, and I was very angry with her and with what she said, so I said to her again: "You are divorced." I stayed for a period without speaking to her. As for today, I sometimes speak to her about household matters, or if something is necessary for the children, and there is nothing else. What is the ruling in this case?
Please advise us, and thank you.

Answer:
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
Praise be to Allah, and may Allah send prayers and peace upon the Messenger of Allah, and upon his family and his Companions, and upon those who follow his guidance. As for what follows:
So Allah (Exalted and Majestic is He) prescribed divorce for His servants so that each of the spouses may be rid of the other if the situation does not go well and what establishes the relationship in a satisfactory manner is not achieved. He, the Exalted, made it three times: he may take her back after the first, and after the second, but he has no right to take her back after the third. He forbade pronouncing all three at once; rather, it is to be done one after another, as He (Exalted and Majestic is He) said: [al-Baqarah:229].
So if he divorces her with one divorce, he may take her back as long as she is in the waiting period. Then, if he takes her back, she remains in her status as a lawful wife, just as in her first state. If he divorces her the second time, he may also take her back without a new marriage contract, just as after the first divorce.
So you, O questioner, have divorced her twice, so you may take her back as long as she is in the waiting period, as long as she has not had three menstrual periods after the first divorce. She remains your wife until you divorce her the third time. This is if the anger was mild. But if the anger was severe, such that there was a severe dispute between you and harsh words from her, until your anger intensified and you could not control yourself from pronouncing the divorce, then this divorce, in the case of severe anger, does not take place according to the correct opinion of the scholars. Anger has three states; people have three states in anger:
One of them is that the anger becomes so intense that one loses consciousness and becomes like a madman or an imbecile. In this case, his divorce does not take place according to all scholars, because he is like a madman or an imbecile whose reason has departed. So his divorce does not take place if his reason departs due to the intensity of the anger, and he cannot control himself, cannot control what he says, and does not remember what he says.
The second state is that the anger becomes intense with him, but he understands what he says and has reason, except that the anger became very intense with him, and he was unable to control himself due to the length of the dispute, or the cursing and mutual insults, or the fighting, so the anger intensified because of that. In this case, there is disagreement among the scholars, and the stronger opinion is that it does not take place either. If your anger was of this type, the divorce has not taken place.
And if your anger was of the third state, which is mild anger that causes some distress to the husband and dislike for what happened from the woman, but it did not become so intense as to prevent him from reasoning and reflecting on himself, but rather it is ordinary mild anger, then the divorce takes place in this case according to all scholars. However, if the woman was in a state of menstruation at the time of the divorce, or in a state of post-natal bleeding, or in a state of purity in which he had intercourse with her, the majority of scholars hold that the divorce takes place, along with sin. Because divorce must be in a state of purity in which he did not have intercourse with her, or in a state of pregnancy. This is the lawful divorce: that the woman is pregnant, or in a state of purity in which he did not have intercourse with her.
So if she was in a state of purity in which he had intercourse with her, or in a state of menstruation, or post-natal bleeding, the scholars differed on that. The majority of scholars hold that the divorce takes place, along with sin. The second opinion is that it does not take place, because it is an unlawful divorce and did not coincide with the state in which Allah prescribed divorce, so it did not take place. This opinion is the stronger in terms of evidence, because of what is established in the authentic hadith of Abdullah ibn Umar (may Allah be pleased with them both) that "he divorced his wife while she was menstruating, so the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) disapproved of that and ordered him to take her back and hold her until she menstruates, then becomes pure." He holds her first until she becomes pure from the menstruation in which he divorced her, then she menstruates, then becomes pure after that. Then, if he wishes, he divorces her, and if he wishes, he holds her.
So this is clear that his divorce did not take place, as a group of scholars said, because he ordered him to take her back, then to hold her until she becomes pure, then she menstruates, then becomes pure, and then he said: meaning: in His saying, the Exalted: [al-Talaq:1]. This indicates that divorce in a state of purity in which he had intercourse with her, or in a state of menstruation or post-natal bleeding, is an unlawful divorce, and a divorce in the waiting period in which Allah did not order divorce. And this is the preferred opinion, even though it is contrary to the opinion of the majority.
So you know yourself best, and what happened to you at the time of the divorce. If the anger became intense with you clearly and strongly due to the length of the dispute between you and the bad words that came from her, until you could not control yourself, or if she was in a state of purity in which he had intercourse with her, or in menstruation, then the divorce has not taken place. And if she was in a state of pregnancy, or in a state of purity in which he did not have intercourse with her, and the anger was not severe, but ordinary anger, then the divorce has taken place. Two divorces have passed for her, and you may take her back as long as she is in the waiting period. If you divorce her a third time after this, she is forbidden to you until she marries another husband.
And it is obligatory for the believer to fear Allah in everything, and to look into the matter when he intends divorce. He should not hasten in divorce, but rather look. If the wife is upright and the situation is upright, there is no reason for divorce, and divorce is not appropriate. Likewise, if reconciliation is possible and treatment is possible, haste in divorce is not appropriate. Then, if he resolves on divorce, let him look whether she is in a state of purity in which he did not have intercourse with her, or in a state of pregnancy, then there is no harm in divorce if she is in a state of purity in which he did not have intercourse with her, or in a state of pregnancy. But if she is in a state of purity in which he had intercourse with her, or in a state of menstruation, or post-natal bleeding, then divorce is not permissible.
So it is obligatory for the believer to look into these matters, and not to hasten in divorcing his family, but rather to look and reflect and look at the consequences and not hasten. Then he looks at the state of the woman: is she pregnant, or in a state of purity in which he did not have intercourse with her, or in another state, so that he divorces with knowledge, and so that his divorce is a lawful divorce in accordance with what came in the text. Yes.

The presenter: May Allah reward you with good.