A speech by Shaykh Ibrahim Shuqara on the etiquette of a student with his teacher, and an explanation of gentleness and kindness toward the wife

The questioner: Praise is to Allah; we praise Him, seek His help, and seek His forgiveness. We seek refuge in Allah from the evil of our own souls and from the evil of our deeds. Whom Allah guides, none can mislead, and whom He leaves to mislead, none can guide.
And I bear witness that there is no deity but Allah alone, with no partner, and I bear witness that Muhammad is His slave and His Messenger.
، ، .
As for what follows:
Indeed, the best of speech is the speech of Allah, and the best of guidance is the guidance of Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him). The worst of matters are their innovations, and every innovation is a religious innovation, and every religious innovation is misguidance, and every misguidance is in the Fire. After that:
I hope that Allah (Blessed and Exalted is He) will make this gathering and this meeting a blessed one, establishing a good recommended practice in the path of contracting the marriage of one of our good brothers to a wife for him (if Allah wills), who will help him in his religion and in his obedience to his Lord (Blessed and Exalted is He). She is the daughter of an old brother of ours who walks with us in calling to Allah (Blessed and Exalted is He) according to the Book of Allah and the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) and the methodology of the righteous predecessors (may Allah be pleased with them all).
What gives good news of a happy outcome for this marriage is that it was established upon legal means that are rarely found in any contract in the present age. This is because you know that there are many, and very many, Prophetic directives in this field and in others, but they have, with great regret, become forgotten by the masses of Muslims, especially regarding a subject like this, which is the marriage contract of a Muslim man to a Muslim woman. In such cases, traditions, customs, and norms that contradict some of the hadiths I mentioned often intermingle. We all know the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him): and in another narration: .
I think you all know that this hadith from the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), when he says: , is only speaking about the general reality of people: some of them, some others, . As for the other matter, which is religion, very few people come forward to propose a woman of religion, except for a very small number. Therefore, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) concluded this hadith by saying: . This phrase is only a supplication by the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) against the one whose concern and intention in proposing to a woman is anything other than religion, and it is one of the three matters mentioned before his saying (peace be upon him): , so hold fast to the woman of religion; may your hands be dust.
What is observed here is that such a matter has been placed before the eyes of both the suitor and the woman being proposed to. This is because the suitor himself intended a woman of religion, and none of the three matters mentioned at the beginning of the hadith, which most suitors usually dwell on when proposing to women, crossed his mind or his thoughts. This is the first point.
What gives good news is that the suitor intended religion, and likewise the woman being proposed to intended religion. And what completes the good news is that the father of the woman being proposed to also fulfilled a duty that we often see some guardians or fathers not fulfilling, which is the following: not to impose a specific person on his daughter, but rather to give her the choice, as the authentic hadiths in al-Bukhari and Muslim state that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: and in another wording: . This is what our brother 'Aziz Abu 'Abdullah (may Allah the Mighty and Majestic honor him in this world and the Hereafter) did, for he left the matter to his daughter being proposed to and gave her the choice after drawing her attention to the fact that this suitor is the one whom the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) ordered us to marry, in the hadith that is also known to you all, if Allah wills, which is his saying (peace and blessings be upon him): . So the woman being proposed to did nothing but agree to this proposal, and that was only because the suitor is religious and the woman being proposed to is also religious. And as it is said: "Birds fall with their own kind."
Therefore, this agreement in implementing the Shari'ah by the girl's guardian, the suitor, and the woman being proposed to, all of whom are concerned with implementing the rulings of the Shari'ah in this marriage, confirms that this marriage will be of a rare type and that the outcome will be good, if Allah wills. Among those good signs is that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: and he also said in another hadith: . And the matter was indeed so here, as the guardian did not impose a specific mahr (bridal gift) but left the matter to the suitor.
Likewise, and this is as Allah wills, as it is said: "This cub is from this lion." The woman being proposed to did not at all turn to the mahr, knowing its amount, or exaggerating and being excessive in it, as is the case with most women who are dominated by the love of adorning themselves with jewelry, especially gold jewelry. None of that was present; rather, the girl's agreement with her father was that she sees what he sees. All these are good signs that this marriage is considered an ideal marriage, and praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds. We ask Allah the Mighty and Majestic to make this meeting and this marriage blessed, as these preliminaries indicate, which were based on the approval of the Shari'ah, whether from the guardian, the suitor, or the woman being proposed to, as we said earlier. Therefore, I hope that Allah the Mighty and Majestic will make this marriage as He said (peace and blessings be upon him) in some of the authentic hadiths: . So this marriage will have, if Allah wills, righteous offspring, and their righteousness will be a cause for rewards recorded for those who were the cause of such a good marriage.
I conclude this speech with what has preceded, hoping that Allah the Mighty and Majestic will bless the two spouses. And I say as He (peace and blessings be upon him) said, teaching us: . And we hope that our teacher Abu Malik will gift us with a word that we will benefit fromThose present : if Allah wills.

The Shaykh : Abu Malik: Praise is to Allah; we praise Him, seek His help, and seek His forgiveness. We seek refuge in Allah from the evil of our own souls and from the evil of our deeds. Whom Allah guides, none can mislead, and whom He leaves to mislead, none can guide.
And I bear witness that there is no deity but Allah alone, with no partner, and I bear witness that Muhammad is His slave and His Messenger. After that:
Indeed, the best of speech is the speech of Allah, and the best of guidance is the guidance of Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him). The worst of matters are their innovations, and every innovation is a religious innovation, and every religious innovation is misguidance, and every misguidance is in the Fire. Our Shaykh (may Allah reward him with good for us and for the Muslim community) would not allow me to have some words that I cannot reciprocate with some of what he said, but the etiquette, the etiquette of the student withThe Shaykh : imposes three things on me:
As for the first matter: I acknowledge in advance that what the student says in the presence ofThe Shaykh : should only be something of his knowledge by which Allah has bestowed upon us and benefited us.
Therefore, I say: whatever I say, what I will say should not rise above the student's acknowledgment beforeThe Shaykh : that it is some of the overflow of his knowledge upon me.
Therefore, I say: May Allah reward our Shaykh with good for us and for the Muslim community, and bless him, and let the Muslims enjoy his long life and the benefit of his knowledge.
As for the second matter: the student should not contradict the order ofThe Shaykh : in a matter he knows to be prescribed, even if he may not be able to do some of what he heard from his Shaykh in those words, or in those words that we cannot do but acknowledge in the depths of our hearts and openly before people that we say: that a little of our Shaykh's speech (may Allah reward him with good) is much better than a lot of speech we say, even if good etiquette withThe Shaykh : compels us to say some of what he said.
As for the third matter: It should be known to us all that etiquette requires a person to acknowledge, or to admit to himself, that if knowledge is taken from the great scholars, it should be a crown set with jewels that shines on a person's forehead, flows from his tongue as speech, and becomes a source of pride for him in this world and the Hereafter, if Allah wills, provided he intends it to be righteous action. And our Shaykh—may Allah reward him with good—has accustomed us to stand at the limits of etiquette with him, and we should not exceed this limit. If I have any words to say, they add nothing to what he said; rather, they are an explanation, an acknowledgment, and an admission that this Ummah, in its current path where it takes itself and does not know where it is heading, can only proceed if it illuminates its way with the light of the Book and the Sunnah.
I say: Our Ummah today is in greater need of our Shaykh's knowledge than ever before. Therefore, I hope that among your good supplications in the last part of the night, after the prescribed prayers, and at all times that you know are times when supplication is answered, you will dedicate some of your supplication to thisThe Shaykh : noble one. By the Great Allah, the trials have multiplied, and I mean this word when I say it; I do not mean the trials that have increased and multiplied, swallowing their own ends and carrying their ends on their backs until the ends and the backs became mixed, so that we no longer know whether we are moving forward or backward unless we see ourselves taking hold of the right path from the light of the Book and the Sunnah, so that we may proceed under Allah's blessing and escape from these trials. Rather, I mean by these trials those that have begun to appear in our days.
The summary of these trials is two words that we read and also hear, and how often we have heard them: It is said in this trial: "So-and-so is fluttering before he is bound." This is the trial of knowledge that has begun to snatch away small minds and take them out of the circle of truth, what is right, and dutifulness—the truth that fulfilled this Ummah in its past era, on the thresholds of the coming and past centuries, each century taking from the one that follows it, until it was truly the best Ummah brought forth for mankind. But it was through those minds that carried knowledge as a light that guides, a call that flows, and a jihad that walks, that Allah bestowed upon this Ummah the means and establishment in the earth.
From here, I say: It is obligatory for the student of knowledge to know where he stands? How he takes knowledge? How he studies it? And how he learns it? Knowledge is a heavy and serious responsibility, and it is part of the trust that Allah offered to the heavens and the earth, but they refused to carry it and were afraid of it, and man carried it. Indeed, he was oppressive and ignorant. I do not think that a sincere person or a sincere student of knowledge, if he knows Allah's right over him in knowledge, would not first know from the etiquettes of knowledge and understanding: that he should not speak much in knowledge by issuing fatwas, but rather he should restrict himself or take knowledge regarding fatwas from his Shaykhs and his teachers. And Allah has blessed us in this time—and we do not declare anyone pure before Allah—with thisThe Shaykh : one whom Allah opened the doors of knowledge for him, so he was truly a gateway to a door of knowledge in this time. I ask Allah—Blessed and Exalted is He—to keep it open wide, so that whoever is sincere may enter it, taking knowledge with his mind and his heart, taking it with his mind as knowledge and with his heart as guidance, so that from this knowledge and guidance comes conduct by which his limbs move and he walks upon the earth, as if he is recalling or keeping in mind the saying of Aisha—may Allah be pleased with her—describing her Prophet—peace be upon him: And this character is not difficult to take, nor is it difficult to act upon, but a person must know in order to know, not to know in order to issue fatwas, and not to say to people: "I am a scholar." If a person thinks of himself that he has reached this level, he has wronged himself; rather, it is the people who elevate him or point to him with their fingers saying: "This is a scholar from whom knowledge should be taken."
As for walking with his head raised, pushing his head forward, being arrogant in his gait, and thinking of himself that he has reached the level of scholars, this is also a path of the trials that, when it befalls a person, drops him on his face prostrate, and he cannot move or escape from this trial unless he knows his worth again.
And I ask Allah—Blessed and Exalted is He—to make us sincere, devoted students of knowledge who benefit from the knowledge we take from our teachers in general, in the books we have inherited from them, and from our ShaykhThe Shaykh : Nasir al-Din al-Albani in particular. May Allah delight the Muslims with his life, bestow upon them his knowledge, and make us and them, if Allah wills, among the sincere ones walking on the path of our Prophet—peace and blessings be upon him.
And I conclude my last word with the matter for which we came, reminding myself and reminding my brothers that marriage is a heavy responsibility and a heavy burden. If a person among us knew the weight of this burden and the magnitude and heaviness of this responsibility, his step forward in this matter would be much, much less than his step backward, because it is a responsibility that only one who appreciates its worth can bear. Therefore, I say—reminding myself and reminding my married brothers—by the saying of the Prophet—peace and blessings be upon him: .
And I remind him also that if Allah has blessed him with a righteous wife, there is no harm for him, but rather it is obligatory for him to treat her well greatly so that she returns to him goodness with goodness. And let him know that a righteous wife in this time, as the money changers or archaeologists say, is a rare piece. If a person among us obtains a good, righteous wife who cares for him in his person and his wealth, manages the affairs of his home and his children, protects him in his absence and when he is away from his home, and if he looks at her, she pleases him, and if he is absent from her, she protects him, and if he sees her from far or near, he does not think of her but good, this is the woman who should also be protected in her absence and in her presence, and he should treat her well, spread the garment to her, and do to her the goodness that we knew from our Prophet—peace and blessings be upon him. By Allah, he never insulted on a day, nor did he wrong, and by Allah, his hand never extended to strike on a day, and by Allah, we did not know of our Prophet—peace and blessings be upon him—except that even with his most severe enemies, he would swallow his anger and not allow himself to follow up with harm to them unless he was commanded by revelation to do so and so.
Then I also remind my brothers and remind myself, and especially now I say to the young men who are on the threshold of marriage, I say to them again: If you listen well to the words of our Shaykh in what he said, you will not strive except for those with religion. For the one with religion in this time will only be modesty in speech, modesty in dress, and purity in the soul. The mind does not grow except through religion, which points to the true, correct knowledge that we take from the verses of the Book and from the hadiths of the Chosen One—peace and blessings be upon him.
And I remind myself and all my brothers: O brothers, obedience to the Most Merciful is not heavy except for Satan and Satan's helpers. For the Muslim, it is easy, simple, and facilitated. So guard your prayers and give the religion its right. And know that Allah—Blessed and Exalted is He—is aware of the secrets of souls and the depths of hearts. So beware of extending your tongues in the honor of your brothers. Beware of your souls looking too much at the world, for whoever is struck by the world with a glance, the world will overcome him and he will not overcome it.
And finally, I say to you a word said by the Chosen One—peace and blessings be upon him: And may Allah reward our Shaykh with good for commanding me to say this word. Perhaps it will find acceptance, if Allah wills, in the sky, and find acceptance with our Shaykh and with you on the earth. Our Lord, give us good in this world and good in the Hereafter, and save us from the punishment of the Fire. And may Allah send prayers and blessings and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad, the chosen prophet, and upon his family and his righteous, good Companions. Indeed, He is the Hearing, the Near, the Answerer of supplication.
And peace be upon you, and the mercy of Allah and His blessings.

The Shaykh : May Allah reward you with good, and forgive you for the exaggeration in praise.