If my father advises me and then my mother advises me at the same time with a contradictory matter, which of them should I obey?
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The questioner : His EminenceThe Shaykh : The questioner says, may Allah reward you, if my father advises me and then my mother advises me at the same time with a contradictory matter, which of them should I obey? And may Allah reward you with good?
The Shaykh : An example of what the questioner asked about: if his father orders him to do something and his mother orders him to do something that contradicts it, if the matter is separate, the situation is easy because it is possible to combine them. But if the matter is the same, then there is a difficulty here. An example of a separate matter is if his father says to him, "Go to the market and buy me such and such," and his mother says, "Go to such and such market, which is different from the first one, and buy me such and such." Here, what is the matter?
The student: Separate.
The Shaykh : It is separate, and he can buy for his father and then buy for his mother, or buy for his mother and then buy for his father. But if the matter is the same, then there is a difficulty here. For example, if his mother says, "Go to your maternal uncle and visit him," and his father says, "Do not go to your maternal uncle to visit him." Here, is the matter the same or separate? It is the same. So whom should he obey? He should obey the one whom the evidence indicates should be obeyed. In this example we mentioned, the evidence indicates obeying the mother, because visiting the maternal uncle is maintaining family ties. Therefore, he should prioritize what his mother said and be tactful with his father; he should not openly contradict him, but be tactful with him until he achieves the satisfaction of everyone. Yes.
The Shaykh : An example of what the questioner asked about: if his father orders him to do something and his mother orders him to do something that contradicts it, if the matter is separate, the situation is easy because it is possible to combine them. But if the matter is the same, then there is a difficulty here. An example of a separate matter is if his father says to him, "Go to the market and buy me such and such," and his mother says, "Go to such and such market, which is different from the first one, and buy me such and such." Here, what is the matter?
The student: Separate.
The Shaykh : It is separate, and he can buy for his father and then buy for his mother, or buy for his mother and then buy for his father. But if the matter is the same, then there is a difficulty here. For example, if his mother says, "Go to your maternal uncle and visit him," and his father says, "Do not go to your maternal uncle to visit him." Here, is the matter the same or separate? It is the same. So whom should he obey? He should obey the one whom the evidence indicates should be obeyed. In this example we mentioned, the evidence indicates obeying the mother, because visiting the maternal uncle is maintaining family ties. Therefore, he should prioritize what his mother said and be tactful with his father; he should not openly contradict him, but be tactful with him until he achieves the satisfaction of everyone. Yes.