Hadiths on Kindness to Parents and Maintaining Family Ties from Bulugh al-Maram.
Machine translationRead the Arabic original
The Shaykh : These are hadiths in the chapter on kindness to parents and maintaining family ties, mentioned by al-Hafiz Ibn Hajar in Bulugh al-Maram. Among them is what is narrated from the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him): :
This means that if you please your parents, that becomes one of the causes of Allah’s pleasure with you, and if you anger your parents, that becomes one of the causes of Allah’s anger with you. Accordingly, a person must seek the pleasure of his parents in every way he can, except in disobedience to Allah; in that case, he should not please them or obey them, as Allah Blessed and Exalted is He said:[Luqman 31:15]. So, if your father orders you to buy tobacco for him to smoke, it is not permissible for you to obey him, because this is a sin; if you obey him, you share in this sin and assist him in it.
Likewise, if your mother orders you to boycott your aunt because there is a misunderstanding between them, it is not permissible for you to do so and cut off the family tie, because this is an order to commit a sin if she orders you to boycott her. The important point is to seek the pleasure of the parents, except in disobedience to Allah, in which case one should not please them.
Likewise, one should avoid angering the parents, except if one angers them in obedience to Allah, in which case there is no blame on him. Some scholars (may Allah have mercy on them) mentioned a criterion for when obedience to the parents is obligatory, saying: "Obedience to the parents is obligatory in what is beneficial for them and in which there is no harm to you". However, if they order you to do something that is not beneficial for them but is harmful to you, do not obey them; or if they order you to do something that is not a sin but is harmful to you, do not obey them. An example of this is if your mother orders you to divorce your wife, because sometimes there is a misunderstanding between the mother and the wife, and she says: "Divorce your wife, or I will be angry." If her order to divorce the wife has a legitimate legal reason, then divorce her; if it does not have a legitimate legal reason, do not divorce her. "Imam Ahmad (may Allah have mercy on him) was asked about a man whose father ordered him to divorce his wife. He said to him: 'He should not divorce her.' It was said to him: 'O Abu 'Abdullah, did not 'Umar order his son 'Abdullah to divorce his wife, and the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) ordered him to divorce her?' He said: 'Yes, but is your father 'Umar?'", meaning, where is the father who does not order his son to divorce his wife except for a legitimate legal reason?
So, if the wife has pleased you in her religion, character, and beauty, and your mother says to you: "Divorce her," do not divorce her. But you should manage your mother’s situation and advise her, saying to her: "If I divorce a woman like this, when will I find one like her?" and the like of such persuasion.
As for the second hadith, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) swore that no one believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself. The discussion of this will come, if Allah wills, in the next lesson. And success is from Allah.
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful:
These are among the hadiths on kindness to parents and maintaining family ties, including those related to the greeting of peace, those related to excellence in conduct, and others.
Among what is related to the greeting of peace is the hadith of Abu Ayyub that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him and his family) said:Sahih Muslim 2560a:
So, the greeting of peace among Muslims is a blessed and good greeting that brings about affection, love, the perfection of faith, and entry into the Gardens of Paradise. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him and his family) said:Sunan Abi Dawud 5193Sahih (Al-Albani). This greeting of peace has now become killed among many Muslims. You find two men meeting, and neither greets the other, and they do not care. This is a great error. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), who is the most noble of people in the sight of Allah Mighty and Majestic, used to initiate the greeting of peace to whoever he met. He himself would initiate the greeting of peace, and he used to greet the children when he passed by them, may Allah’s prayers and peace be upon him.
Most people today do not care about the greeting of peace, even though the one who is greeted receives ten good deeds. If it were said to one of them: "We will give you one riyal for every greeting of peace," you would see him hasten to give the greeting and wish to meet someone to greet. And ten good deeds remain for him on the Day of Resurrection, yet he does not care about them!
As for boycotting a Muslim, there is nothing wrong with it for less than three nights, but only if there is a reason. However, if there is no reason, it is not permissible to boycott him. But if there is a reason, such as a misunderstanding between them or disciplining him or the like, it has a limit of three days, and what exceeds that is not permissible.
That the pleasure of Allah is in the pleasure of his parents, and the anger of Allah is in the anger of his parents
أنّ رضا الله في رضا والديه، وسخط الله في سخط والديهThis means that if you please your parents, that becomes one of the causes of Allah’s pleasure with you, and if you anger your parents, that becomes one of the causes of Allah’s anger with you. Accordingly, a person must seek the pleasure of his parents in every way he can, except in disobedience to Allah; in that case, he should not please them or obey them, as Allah Blessed and Exalted is He said:
But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them
وإن جاهداك على أن تشرك بي ما ليس لك به علم فلا تطعهماLikewise, if your mother orders you to boycott your aunt because there is a misunderstanding between them, it is not permissible for you to do so and cut off the family tie, because this is an order to commit a sin if she orders you to boycott her. The important point is to seek the pleasure of the parents, except in disobedience to Allah, in which case one should not please them.
Likewise, one should avoid angering the parents, except if one angers them in obedience to Allah, in which case there is no blame on him. Some scholars (may Allah have mercy on them) mentioned a criterion for when obedience to the parents is obligatory, saying: "Obedience to the parents is obligatory in what is beneficial for them and in which there is no harm to you". However, if they order you to do something that is not beneficial for them but is harmful to you, do not obey them; or if they order you to do something that is not a sin but is harmful to you, do not obey them. An example of this is if your mother orders you to divorce your wife, because sometimes there is a misunderstanding between the mother and the wife, and she says: "Divorce your wife, or I will be angry." If her order to divorce the wife has a legitimate legal reason, then divorce her; if it does not have a legitimate legal reason, do not divorce her. "Imam Ahmad (may Allah have mercy on him) was asked about a man whose father ordered him to divorce his wife. He said to him: 'He should not divorce her.' It was said to him: 'O Abu 'Abdullah, did not 'Umar order his son 'Abdullah to divorce his wife, and the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) ordered him to divorce her?' He said: 'Yes, but is your father 'Umar?'", meaning, where is the father who does not order his son to divorce his wife except for a legitimate legal reason?
So, if the wife has pleased you in her religion, character, and beauty, and your mother says to you: "Divorce her," do not divorce her. But you should manage your mother’s situation and advise her, saying to her: "If I divorce a woman like this, when will I find one like her?" and the like of such persuasion.
As for the second hadith, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) swore that no one believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself. The discussion of this will come, if Allah wills, in the next lesson. And success is from Allah.
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful:
These are among the hadiths on kindness to parents and maintaining family ties, including those related to the greeting of peace, those related to excellence in conduct, and others.
Among what is related to the greeting of peace is the hadith of Abu Ayyub that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him and his family) said:
It is not permissible for a Muslim to have estranged relations with his brother beyond three nights, the one turning one way and the other turning the other way when they meet; the better of the two is one who is the first to give a greeting.
لا يحلّ لمسلم أن يهجر أخاه فوق ثلاث ليال، يلتقيان فيعرض هذا ويعرض هذا وخيرهما الذي يبدأ بالسّلامSo, the greeting of peace among Muslims is a blessed and good greeting that brings about affection, love, the perfection of faith, and entry into the Gardens of Paradise. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him and his family) said:
By him in whose hand my soul is, you will not enter Paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another: should I not guide you to something doing which you will love one another: spread out salutation among you.
والله لا تدخلوا الجنّة حتّى تؤمنوا، ولا تؤمنوا حتّى تحابّوا، أفلا أخبركم بشيء إذا فعلتموه تحاببتم أفشوا السّلام بينكمMost people today do not care about the greeting of peace, even though the one who is greeted receives ten good deeds. If it were said to one of them: "We will give you one riyal for every greeting of peace," you would see him hasten to give the greeting and wish to meet someone to greet. And ten good deeds remain for him on the Day of Resurrection, yet he does not care about them!
As for boycotting a Muslim, there is nothing wrong with it for less than three nights, but only if there is a reason. However, if there is no reason, it is not permissible to boycott him. But if there is a reason, such as a misunderstanding between them or disciplining him or the like, it has a limit of three days, and what exceeds that is not permissible.