It is not permissible to frequently make conditional divorce
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Question: To His Excellency, the General President of the Committees for Research and Ifta, Da'wah, and Guidance, the honorable:
Peace be upon you, and Allah’s mercy and blessings, and after that:
I wish to clarify my case to your Excellency in detail, hoping to receive a clear answer from you, may Allah guide you:
I am a man in my forties, married for twenty years. My nature is prone to quick anger, emotional reactivity, nervous tension, and extreme caution and excessive jealousy, especially regarding my wife. From the moment I married her, I began directing and guiding her, and consequently warning, reprimanding, and punishing her when I believed she was disobeying me, influenced by the deviations I hear or see in our time. This reached the point where, when I wanted to travel for studies away from her after a year of our marriage, I said: "If you disobey me in what I have forbidden you from doing during my absence—whether I know of it or not—consider yourself divorced, and bear the sin of that." My intention was for her to protect herself from deliberate mixing with non-mahrams and with men or women whose conduct is suspect. Then, in the second year of my studies, I traveled with her after her father agreed to her travel, and I did not wish to investigate the past after she gave birth to our first child, due to my strong attachment to her and love for her. Our life continued, and the phrase "I am divorced" (meaning: divorce is upon me) was repeated by me over the twenty years whenever I was angered by any matter concerning the household, the children, or prayer, and other things that the people of this region are accustomed to swearing by—may Allah protect us from that—such as saying, for example: "I am divorced if this happens again... I will do such and such," and then it happens again and I do not do it.
I have come to dislike this behavior of mine, and I blame myself for what happens to me during my anger, but I soon return to it whenever she provokes me, until I have developed a hatred for her and a desire to separate from her, despite her clinging to me.
I have been tempted to divorce her more than once, were it not for the succession of her children's births, their young age, and the intervention of some of my relatives preventing me from doing so. It is known that she has given birth to ten children, the youngest of whom is three years old.
On the night of Saturday, corresponding to the 11th of the current month of Dhul-Qa'dah, a quarrel occurred between us. I heard a word from her and interpreted it as a threat, so I asked her to clarify her intention, saying: "I am divorced if you do not tell me your intention behind this word, I will divorce you." I repeated this more than three times, and she responded to me each time saying: "By the Great Allah, I did not intend anything." Then I took her and went with her to her parents' house without pronouncing any word other than that, and she has remained with them to this date.
Your Excellency: This is my case, and what happened between me and my wife during twenty years without any exaggeration or simplification. These behaviors have had an impact on my psyche, and doubts and beliefs have dominated me that my wife may have been divorced from me at any time. I am unable to take her back because of my doubts and my fear of falling into sin—if I have not already fallen into it—and I am unable to decide or declare her divorce, out of concern for the children, compassion for them, and their need for their mother's tenderness and upbringing, which has become distant from them, and they cannot live without her.
I hope your Excellency will answer me regarding this problem in light of what I have clarified, without me adding or subtracting anything. May Allah guide you, and may Allah preserve you.
Answer: And upon you be peace, thereafter:
It was not permissible for you to frequently make conditional divorce or to have bad suspicions without cause. We advise you to be cautious of that in the future, to fear Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He), to have good thoughts about your family, and not to have bad thoughts about them without a reason that necessitates it.
As for the answer regarding what actually happened: All the conditional divorces that came from you, if the intention was to urge, prevent, verify, or deny, and the intention was not to effect the divorce, then they are in the ruling of an oath. And upon you for each one of them in which you broke the oath is the expiation of an oath, which is feeding ten poor people, for each poor person half a sa' (a dry measure of about 3 kg) of the food of the land, which is approximately one and a half kilograms, or clothing them, and if you feed them breakfast or dinner, even if separately, that suffices.
As for the last divorce, there is no expiation for it; because she informed you that she did not intend anything by the word that would upset you, and she swore to that.
As for the whispers regarding divorce, nothing occurs by them. Likewise, the intention of divorce without a word or writing does not effect anything; because of the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him):Sunan Ibn Majah 2040Sahih (Darussalam).
May Allah protect us and you from Satan, and guide us all to His straight path. And peace be upon you and the mercy of Allah and His blessings.
Abdul Aziz ibn Abdullah ibn Baz
Peace be upon you, and Allah’s mercy and blessings, and after that:
I wish to clarify my case to your Excellency in detail, hoping to receive a clear answer from you, may Allah guide you:
I am a man in my forties, married for twenty years. My nature is prone to quick anger, emotional reactivity, nervous tension, and extreme caution and excessive jealousy, especially regarding my wife. From the moment I married her, I began directing and guiding her, and consequently warning, reprimanding, and punishing her when I believed she was disobeying me, influenced by the deviations I hear or see in our time. This reached the point where, when I wanted to travel for studies away from her after a year of our marriage, I said: "If you disobey me in what I have forbidden you from doing during my absence—whether I know of it or not—consider yourself divorced, and bear the sin of that." My intention was for her to protect herself from deliberate mixing with non-mahrams and with men or women whose conduct is suspect. Then, in the second year of my studies, I traveled with her after her father agreed to her travel, and I did not wish to investigate the past after she gave birth to our first child, due to my strong attachment to her and love for her. Our life continued, and the phrase "I am divorced" (meaning: divorce is upon me) was repeated by me over the twenty years whenever I was angered by any matter concerning the household, the children, or prayer, and other things that the people of this region are accustomed to swearing by—may Allah protect us from that—such as saying, for example: "I am divorced if this happens again... I will do such and such," and then it happens again and I do not do it.
I have come to dislike this behavior of mine, and I blame myself for what happens to me during my anger, but I soon return to it whenever she provokes me, until I have developed a hatred for her and a desire to separate from her, despite her clinging to me.
I have been tempted to divorce her more than once, were it not for the succession of her children's births, their young age, and the intervention of some of my relatives preventing me from doing so. It is known that she has given birth to ten children, the youngest of whom is three years old.
On the night of Saturday, corresponding to the 11th of the current month of Dhul-Qa'dah, a quarrel occurred between us. I heard a word from her and interpreted it as a threat, so I asked her to clarify her intention, saying: "I am divorced if you do not tell me your intention behind this word, I will divorce you." I repeated this more than three times, and she responded to me each time saying: "By the Great Allah, I did not intend anything." Then I took her and went with her to her parents' house without pronouncing any word other than that, and she has remained with them to this date.
Your Excellency: This is my case, and what happened between me and my wife during twenty years without any exaggeration or simplification. These behaviors have had an impact on my psyche, and doubts and beliefs have dominated me that my wife may have been divorced from me at any time. I am unable to take her back because of my doubts and my fear of falling into sin—if I have not already fallen into it—and I am unable to decide or declare her divorce, out of concern for the children, compassion for them, and their need for their mother's tenderness and upbringing, which has become distant from them, and they cannot live without her.
I hope your Excellency will answer me regarding this problem in light of what I have clarified, without me adding or subtracting anything. May Allah guide you, and may Allah preserve you.
Answer: And upon you be peace, thereafter:
It was not permissible for you to frequently make conditional divorce or to have bad suspicions without cause. We advise you to be cautious of that in the future, to fear Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He), to have good thoughts about your family, and not to have bad thoughts about them without a reason that necessitates it.
As for the answer regarding what actually happened: All the conditional divorces that came from you, if the intention was to urge, prevent, verify, or deny, and the intention was not to effect the divorce, then they are in the ruling of an oath. And upon you for each one of them in which you broke the oath is the expiation of an oath, which is feeding ten poor people, for each poor person half a sa' (a dry measure of about 3 kg) of the food of the land, which is approximately one and a half kilograms, or clothing them, and if you feed them breakfast or dinner, even if separately, that suffices.
As for the last divorce, there is no expiation for it; because she informed you that she did not intend anything by the word that would upset you, and she swore to that.
As for the whispers regarding divorce, nothing occurs by them. Likewise, the intention of divorce without a word or writing does not effect anything; because of the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him):
Allah has forgiven my nation for what they think of to themselves, so long as they do not act upon it or speak
إن الله تجاوز لأمتي ما حدثت به أنفسها، ما لم تعمل به أو تتكلمMay Allah protect us and you from Satan, and guide us all to His straight path. And peace be upon you and the mercy of Allah and His blessings.
Abdul Aziz ibn Abdullah ibn Baz
Source
binbaz.org.sa
The Arabic text is copied verbatim from the original source, without any edits.