The Ruling on Saying “I Swear by Divorce”

This is a message received from Abdulmunim Ahmad Abdulaziz, residing in Dammam. He says: I and some of my brothers in the workplace sometimes let words slip from our mouths when we are discussing something or the conversation becomes heated. One of us will say, “I swear by divorce, I will not do such-and-such,” or “I will do such-and-such.” The phrase “I swear by divorce” is repeated, but without the intention of divorce or the intention of the wife. It is a phrase we have become accustomed to using frequently. We asked about it, and we were told that whether you intended it or not, it counts as one divorce. Please inform us, may Allah reward you.
Answer: First, you should not do this. First, a believer should not make divorce a habit and a constant feature of his speech and conversations. He should respect divorce, as it is a matter of the Shari'ah and one to which rulings are attached. He should guard his tongue from it except with intention, purpose, and desire. Otherwise, he should guard his tongue from it so that a divorce does not fall upon him while he is unaware, or so that a large number of divorces do not fall upon him while he is unaware—meaning, upon his wife. He should guard his tongue from it and avoid pronouncing divorce and speaking about it except with a clear intention, intending to divorce his wife if he is displeased with her. However, if he plays with divorce and frequently pronounces it, that is not permissible for him, and he should fear sin. But the ruling in this case differs. If he said, “I swear by divorce, I will not do such-and-such,” “I swear by divorce, I will not talk to so-and-so,” “I swear by divorce, I will not do such-and-such a deed,” and his intention in doing so is to restrain himself from that thing—to prevent himself—and his intention is not to divorce his wife, but rather he wanted to restrain himself by saying, “I swear by divorce, I will not talk to so-and-so,” “I swear by divorce, you will eat this sacrificial animal,” “I swear by divorce, you will travel with me,” “you will go with me to so-and-so,” all of this is, according to the correct view, in the ruling of an oath, and its expiation is upon him if he does not fulfill what was required.
Its ruling is the ruling of an oath, as stated by a group of scholars of knowledge, and it is narrated from a group of the Salaf and from some of the Companions that indicates this. This is what Abu al-Abbas Ibn Taymiyyah, Ibn al-Qayyim, and a group of others affirmed, and they mentioned that it is in the ruling of an oath. They argued for this with reports from the Salaf and some hadiths transmitted in this chapter.
In summary: It is obligatory for these people not to play with divorce and to be cautious of it. If divorce occurs with this formula—“I swear by divorce, I will not do such-and-such,” “I swear by divorce, I will talk to so-and-so,” “I swear by divorce, I will travel,” “I swear by divorce, I will not eat at so-and-so’s house,” and things like these—then if he fulfills it, he owes nothing. If he does not fulfill it and neglects what he said, then the expiation of an oath is upon him if the intention was to fulfill that thing or not fulfill it, and the intention was not to separate from the wife. It is as if he had said, “By Allah, I will not do such-and-such,” “By Allah, I will not talk to so-and-so,” “By Allah, I will not travel.” The expiation of an oath is upon him. Yes.
The presenter: And if he does not intend an oath or a divorce, but the words just slip off the tongue?
The Shaykh: He must intend to restrain himself from something, like this, or to compel himself to something. People use it either to compel someone to do something or to prevent them from doing something. This is the known rule, as they do with guests: “I swear by divorce, you will eat the sacrificial animal,” “I swear by divorce, sit and eat, it is your honor,” “I swear by divorce, I will not talk to so-and-so because he did such-and-such,” “I swear by divorce, I will not visit so-and-so because I am angry with him,” and so on. Yes.
The presenter: May Allah reward you.