Rulings Concerning the Woman Whose Husband Has Died

From al-Hayath in al-Kharj, a message from one of the listening sisters, Umm Fahd. Umm Fahd asks and says: My father passed away about a month and a half ago, and the problem lies in what people are saying about what a woman must do during the waiting period. Some say: It is not permissible for a woman to walk on the ground without shoes, because she might be walking on the liver of the deceased! They also say: It is not permissible for a woman to greet a married woman if her husband is not a mahram (a relative she cannot marry) to the woman in the waiting period! They also say: It is not permissible to convey greetings from someone to this woman in the waiting period, or for this woman to convey greetings to someone, such as saying: "Convey my greetings to so-and-so" or "So-and-so sends you his greetings," and so on! Please inform us, may Allah reward you; because my mother is confused about her situation, and she hopes that Allah will guide you to what is best for the Muslims. And peace be upon you, and Allah's mercy and blessings.
Answer: Many people say things about the waiting period that have no basis, and they bring up superstitions that have no basis. This is one of them, among the things the questioner mentioned. There is no harm in conveying greetings, no harm in someone greeting her, no harm in her greeting a wife who is not her mahram, and no harm in her greeting whomever she wishes from the people. There is no harm in her walking barefoot in her house. All of this is fine, there is no blame in it. What is required of the woman in the waiting period is to observe five matters that she should preserve. Five matters are required of the woman whose husband has died, and she is asked to observe them, as indicated by the texts:
The first: She should remain in the house where her husband died and she was residing, and remain in it as a woman in the waiting period, if that is feasible. She remains in the house if the house belongs to her husband, or if she is renting it, or if she can complete the waiting period in it. She remains in it until the waiting period ends; based on the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) to Fari'ah bint Malik when her husband died: meaning: "Reside," meaning: until the waiting period ends. Except if there is a preventer, such as the house not belonging to her husband, but being rented, and the lease term has ended and the owners want it back, then there is no harm in her leaving. Or if the house collapsed, or if she has no one to keep her company and she fears sitting in it, she leaves to her relatives, to a safe place, meaning: she leaves for a valid religious excuse. Otherwise, she remains in the house. There is no harm in her leaving the house for a need, such as buying a need from the market, food or other necessities, or going to the doctor... to the hospital, there is no harm. Or she leaves for the court if she has a lawsuit or agency, she leaves, there is no harm for a need.
The second matter: Her clothing should not be beautiful, ordinary clothes that are not beautiful. She wears clothes that are not beautiful, based on his saying (peace and blessings be upon him) to the woman in the waiting period: . The scholars said its meaning is: a dyed garment, meaning a beautiful dye, meaning it has beauty in it... it attracts attention. As for the clothes of 'asb (unbleached wool), they are not beautiful. So if the clothes are not beautiful, there is no harm, whether they are black or not black. It is not necessary for them to be black. Black or green or red or yellow, there is no harm, but they should be not beautiful.
The third matter: No jewelry. She does not wear jewelry, not gold, not silver, not diamonds, not rings, she does not wear anything. And if she has any, she removes it; because the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) forbade the woman in the waiting period from wearing jewelry.
The fourth: No perfume with incense, incense with rose water or agarwood or similar perfumes, except if she menstruates. A young woman who menstruates, when she becomes pure, there is no harm in her using some incense when she becomes pure.
The fifth: No kohl and no henna. She does not apply kohl; because the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) forbade her from applying kohl to her eye. As for medicine, there is no harm in her treating her eye with kohl drops, medicine, there is no harm. But kohl for adornment, no. And likewise henna, because it is adornment, so she does not apply henna.
These are five matters she observes, and the rest, she owes nothing for the rest. The rest is that she wears new clothes but they are not beautiful, that she walks barefoot, that she takes a bath every day or every other day, that she changes her clothes, there is no harm. She washes her hair whenever she wishes, she changes her clothes whenever she wishes, she uncovers her head if there is no non-mahram present, she uncovers her head while sitting or while sleeping, there is no harm. She walks in slippers or without slippers, in socks or without socks, there is no harm. She goes to the roof, to the open roof, there is no harm. To the courtyard, to the garden in the house, there is no harm. All these matters, except for the five mentioned, there is no blame on her, and praise be to Allah. She greets on the phone, she talks on the phone for her needs, she answers the phone. If some of her relatives come to greet her... she responds to them, but she does not seclude with anyone. The wife does not seclude with a non-mahram. She responds to him without seclusion, also with covering. She greets women, she shakes hands, she shakes hands with her mahrams, there is no harm, her brother, her uncle, she shakes his hand. Women, she shakes their hands, whether close relatives or not, all this is fine, except for the five things we mentioned. May Allah guide everyone. Yes.
The presenter: O Allah, amen. May Allah reward you with good.