The Ruling on Pronouncing Prohibition or Divorce with the Intention of Intimidation

Question:
This is a question from a listener: (Q. A. A.) from the land of Zahran, Qula. He says: I am a married man, and one day a dispute arose with my wife. I asked her to do something, but she refused. I repeated it to her, and she persisted in her refusal. So I said to her: If you refuse, you are forbidden to me, just as my mother is forbidden to me. But she persisted in her refusal, and then our marital life continued after that without me paying the expiation.
Knowing that I often swear by divorce over things and I break my oath without paying the expiation, but I do not intend divorce; rather, it is the result of anger and foolishness. Now I have been with my wife for four years, and I have two children from her. So what is upon me now?
Please advise us, and may Allah guide you.

Answer:
First: It is not befitting to engage in these matters. It is not befitting for you, my brother, to engage in these matters, neither prohibition nor divorce. Rather, you should address her otherwise, and command her and forbid her otherwise. It is befitting that you keep yourself and your tongue free from this so that you do not fall into problems, and into matters that may forbid your wife to you while you are not aware. So you must avoid these words entirely.
As for the ruling on what occurred, if what occurred from you was with the intention of intimidation, and to urge her to do what I told her, and the intention was not to part from her, then upon you is the expiation of an oath, and there is no divorce upon you, and no zihar, if the intention was to compel her to act, and to carry out what I told her, and your intention was not to effectuate divorce and parting from her if she did not do it. Then upon you in this is the expiation of an oath. And if you paid the expiation of zihar, because you said: "Like my mother," from the standpoint of precaution, that is good. But this suffices as the expiation of an oath, because the intention was to compel her to what I told her so that she would do it.
And likewise, if you pronounced the word of divorce, "You must do such and such," or "If you do not do such and such, you are divorced," and the intention was to compel her to act, and to urge her, and to intimidate her, then all of this contains only the expiation of an oath. It is feeding ten poor people, or clothing them. The feeding is half a sa' of dates, or rice, or wheat, approximately one and a half kilograms of the country's staple food. The clothing is an izar and a rida, or a shirt that covers in prayer, this is the clothing. Or freeing a male or female slave, releasing a male or female slave. This is the expiation. If you are unable to do all of this, fasting three days suffices for you, as stated in the Book of Allah in Surat al-Ma'idah regarding the expiation of an oath.
But in any case, we advise you to beware of these words, and to beware of being lax with them always. And you must hasten to pay the expiation for what you did, the expiation of the oaths for what you did previously. For each one, feed ten poor people, five sa' of dates, or rice, or wheat, each person having half a sa', meaning: one and a half kilograms of these foods. Or clothe ten people with an izar and a rida, or with a shirt, as the expiation of your oath, because these matters are in the ruling of an oath. Yes.

The presenter: May Allah reward you with good.