Ruling on taking back a woman after she has been divorced three times

Question:
This is a letter from the listener (F. K.) from Iran - Tehran. It is actually lengthy, but it is probably best that we read it all so that the situation becomes clear.
He says: I am a man married to my maternal uncle’s daughter for sixteen years, and I have five children from her. A problem occurred after three years of our marriage, and I was in an emotional state at the time, but I was aware of what I was saying, so I said: “You are divorced three times.” She refused that, and it became clear to me afterward that she was pregnant at the time of the divorce. I intended to part with her forever. After two days, she came and pleaded and tried to return, but I refused.

The Shaykh: Repeat, you are divorced, and what?

The presenter: Yes, three times, he says.

The Shaykh: You are divorced?

The presenter: You are divorced three times, and it became clear to me afterward that she was pregnant at the time of the divorce. I intended to part with her forever. After two days, she came and pleaded and tried to return, but I refused, and I repeated the divorce again.
After attempts by her and the family, and our efforts to find a solution to this divorce, she returned and life between us became normal, until another incident occurred. Five years ago, another problem happened and I got angry, but I was also aware of what I was saying, so I said to her: “You are the cause of all this, so you are divorced three times.” The neighbors came and everyone said: Think about the children and their future, and reconsider your decision, because you were angry. I said to them: I am in a normal state, so bear witness, she is divorced three times. I intended to pronounce the three divorces so that marital life between us would never return.
It is known that the last two incidents in which the divorce occurred were during her purity period in which he had intercourse with her, but she did not leave me; rather, she kept trying and insisting on the return. Out of fear for my religion, I decided to travel from my country, and she is still with her children. Five years have now passed, but I have been informed that she has become upright in everything, performing her religious duties. My absence from her during these years has been a lesson for her.
So, is it permissible for us to return to each other in a marital life after this, or not? She is going through a very bad situation financially and socially, as her family has asked her to leave their house and go out, and she has no one but Allah.

Answer:
This is actually a laxity from the questioner that is not befitting. It was obligatory for the questioner to ask the scholars before he returned her to his house, before he contacted her, because the divorce now is a reprehensible divorce, and a divorce that fulfills the conditions for pronouncing the divorce regarding the second divorce. He divorced her the first divorce with the three: “You are divorced, you are divorced,” and he was in an emotional state. If this first state was such that anger overcame you, O questioner, to a degree that you resembled one who has lost consciousness, resembling the insane, if anger overcame you to a degree meaning: you cannot control yourself, and you cannot refrain from the divorce, then this does not take effect according to the correct opinion. But you say that you are aware of what you say, and that you are not in a state meaning: resembling the state of one who has lost consciousness. Then, after they advised you and the anger subsided, you refused to do anything but repeat the divorce again. You divorced her while she was pregnant, so it did not take effect if you did not divorce her with the first, it took effect with the second, in which the anger had subsided. So it is obligatory for you to part with her and not return to her.
As for her returning to you after all this, it is a mistake, and you must repent to Allah for what you did, and for contacting her. You must repent to Allah, and you must provide for your children. You must spend on them and fulfill the obligation. You must house her and her children and fulfill the obligation of maintenance for her and her children, because she is taking care of them, has custody of them, and is raising them. So you must be good to your children and to their mother by her serving them and being good to them. And you must repent to Allah for what you did, for you have made a great error in returning her to you without a legal ruling from the scholars.
The first and second divorce; the first appears to have taken effect, because the emotional state you mentioned, you said that you were aware of what you say, and that there was nothing meaning: that overcame you to the point of losing your consciousness, or that you became almost one who has lost consciousness. Then after this, you divorced her when they advised you to return to her, and you divorced her with a repeated divorce three times. All of this indicates that you desired to leave her, and that you were keen to keep her away, and that there was no anger that removed your consciousness or made you almost one who has lost consciousness. So what appears to us from this reality is that she is not lawful for you, and that it is obligatory for you to repent to Allah for what has passed from you, and to be good to her.
If she marries a lawful husband and he divorces her after entering into marriage with her after having intercourse with her, she becomes lawful for you with a new marriage, but it must not be through a marriage of dissolution. A marriage of dissolution is forbidden. If a person marries her to make her lawful for you, this is not permissible. But if a person marries her desiring her, then enters into marriage with her, and has intercourse with her, then divorces her, or dies from her, then she becomes lawful for you after the waiting period with a new marriage.
This is what we see in this issue, and it is the apparent meaning of the legal evidence, and Allah is the guarantor of success.

The presenter: May Allah reward you with good.