Ruling on maintaining ties with a divorced stepmother

Question:
What is the ruling on maintaining ties with my father’s wife, whom he has divorced? Is it obligatory for me to visit her? My mother has sworn an oath that I should not visit her. What should I do?

Answer:
You owe nothing. If your father divorced her, she is not among your relatives, nor is she a close kin. She is merely a divorced stepmother. If your mother is not pleased, do not visit her. She is a mahram (a relative one may not marry) to you, as is your father’s wife whom he divorced, and the one from whom he died, because Allah said: [Surat al-Nisa: 22]. By the consensus of the Muslims, she is a mahram to you. However, if you visit her out of kindness and out of respect for your father’s right, that is good. If you visit her, honor her, or support her financially, that is among the noble qualities of character and what is right. But as long as doing so angers your mother and she does not approve of it, do not do anything that angers your mother. If you support her secretly, without your mother knowing, there is nothing wrong with it.
The point is: do not anger your mother in this way. It is not obligatory for you to visit her or maintain ties with her, because she is not among your relatives or close kin. She is merely a divorced stepmother, or one from whom your father died. Being kind to her is among the noble qualities of character, but do not do so if it harms your mother. If you support her secretly, without your mother’s knowledge, there is nothing wrong with it.