If a man says to his wife, "If you go out of this door, you are divorced and forbidden to me, like my mother and my sister," and then she goes out, but not from that same door, what is the ruling?
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The questioner : He says: A divorce has taken effect on my wife because I said to her: "If you go out of this door, you are divorced and forbidden to me, like my mother and my sister."
The Shaykh : We seek refuge in Allah.
The questioner : Unfortunately, she did go out, but not from the same door I pointed to. And because she has given birth to three children, I ask about the ruling on what I said, and what is obligatory for me to do to take her back?
The Shaykh : In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. Praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds, and I send prayers and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad, and upon his family and all his Companions. Before answering this question, I offer advice to the brother questioner and to the listeners as well: do not play with words in this shameful manner. Playing with such matters leads them into problems and also puts scholars in problems and difficulties that have no end. Whoever wants to swear an oath should swear by Allah (Mighty and Majestic). In fact, a decisive husband who establishes his character before his wife and his children does not need such things; rather, a mere word indicating prohibition is sufficient to make them refrain. As for the man who diminishes himself before his family until he yields to their desires, even if they contradict the truth, he has a deficiency in decisiveness and manliness. Therefore, a person should be strong without violence, and gentle without weakness. He should make his word among his family have weight and value so that he lives with them a good life. I am not calling for him to be stern and frown at his family and not show them a pleasant face; rather, I call for the opposite: that he be easy-going, gentle, and good with them, but at the same time be decisive and serious in his matters, not overpowered by them.
As for the answer to this question, if a man says to his wife: "If you go out of this door, you are divorced and forbidden to me, like my mother and my sister," it does not escape two cases. The first is that he intends by this merely to prohibit her, not to divorce her or forbid her, but because of his certainty or to emphasize this, he wanted to link this prohibition with this formula. In this case, it has the ruling of an oath according to the stronger opinion among the scholars. If she goes out of the door, she is not divorced, but he must expiate the oath. There is no difference between her going out of the door he specified or another door of the house, because the apparent meaning of his words is that he wants her not to leave the house, not that he wants her not to leave this specific door, unless there is something in that specific door that necessitates restricting the ruling to it, in which case that is what is considered.
The second case is that he intends by his words, "If you go out of this door, you are divorced and forbidden to me, like my mother and my sister," that the divorce and the prohibition take effect when the condition is met. In that case, it is a condition with the ruling of other conditions. If the condition is met, the conditioned thing is met. If she goes out of this door or another door of the house, she becomes divorced and he becomes one who has committed zihar. If she is divorced and this divorce was not preceded by two other divorces, he has the right to take her back, but he must not approach her until he does what Allah commanded regarding the expiation of zihar, which is to free a slave. If he does not find one, he must fast for two consecutive months. If he cannot do that, he must feed sixty poor people. There is no difference between her going out of the door he specified or another door of the house, because the apparent meaning of his words is that she should not leave the house at all, even if she climbed over the wall, unless there is something in the specific door he specified that necessitates restricting the ruling or the condition to it, in which case it is specific to that door. If she goes out of another door, she is not divorced and zihar is not established.
The questioner : Yes, may Allah bless you.
This message is from the questioner al-Zuhra, E.M.N., from al-Bayda in the Great Arab Libyan Jamahiriya.
The Shaykh : We seek refuge in Allah.
The questioner : Unfortunately, she did go out, but not from the same door I pointed to. And because she has given birth to three children, I ask about the ruling on what I said, and what is obligatory for me to do to take her back?
The Shaykh : In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. Praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds, and I send prayers and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad, and upon his family and all his Companions. Before answering this question, I offer advice to the brother questioner and to the listeners as well: do not play with words in this shameful manner. Playing with such matters leads them into problems and also puts scholars in problems and difficulties that have no end. Whoever wants to swear an oath should swear by Allah (Mighty and Majestic). In fact, a decisive husband who establishes his character before his wife and his children does not need such things; rather, a mere word indicating prohibition is sufficient to make them refrain. As for the man who diminishes himself before his family until he yields to their desires, even if they contradict the truth, he has a deficiency in decisiveness and manliness. Therefore, a person should be strong without violence, and gentle without weakness. He should make his word among his family have weight and value so that he lives with them a good life. I am not calling for him to be stern and frown at his family and not show them a pleasant face; rather, I call for the opposite: that he be easy-going, gentle, and good with them, but at the same time be decisive and serious in his matters, not overpowered by them.
As for the answer to this question, if a man says to his wife: "If you go out of this door, you are divorced and forbidden to me, like my mother and my sister," it does not escape two cases. The first is that he intends by this merely to prohibit her, not to divorce her or forbid her, but because of his certainty or to emphasize this, he wanted to link this prohibition with this formula. In this case, it has the ruling of an oath according to the stronger opinion among the scholars. If she goes out of the door, she is not divorced, but he must expiate the oath. There is no difference between her going out of the door he specified or another door of the house, because the apparent meaning of his words is that he wants her not to leave the house, not that he wants her not to leave this specific door, unless there is something in that specific door that necessitates restricting the ruling to it, in which case that is what is considered.
The second case is that he intends by his words, "If you go out of this door, you are divorced and forbidden to me, like my mother and my sister," that the divorce and the prohibition take effect when the condition is met. In that case, it is a condition with the ruling of other conditions. If the condition is met, the conditioned thing is met. If she goes out of this door or another door of the house, she becomes divorced and he becomes one who has committed zihar. If she is divorced and this divorce was not preceded by two other divorces, he has the right to take her back, but he must not approach her until he does what Allah commanded regarding the expiation of zihar, which is to free a slave. If he does not find one, he must fast for two consecutive months. If he cannot do that, he must feed sixty poor people. There is no difference between her going out of the door he specified or another door of the house, because the apparent meaning of his words is that she should not leave the house at all, even if she climbed over the wall, unless there is something in the specific door he specified that necessitates restricting the ruling or the condition to it, in which case it is specific to that door. If she goes out of another door, she is not divorced and zihar is not established.
The questioner : Yes, may Allah bless you.
This message is from the questioner al-Zuhra, E.M.N., from al-Bayda in the Great Arab Libyan Jamahiriya.