What is the authenticity of the hadith: "A man should not consult his father, and a woman should not consult her husband"?
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The questioner : So, what is the authenticity of the hadith that says, "A man should not consult his father, and a woman should not consult her husband"? We read this yesterday: a woman should not consult her husband, and a son should not consult his father. So they go to fight in Afghanistan; is this statement correct?
The Shaykh : You asked about the authenticity of the hadith, but this is not a hadith; rather, it is the statement of the scholars. The scholars' statement on this issue is agreed upon, with no disagreement. However, the disagreement arises from another angle, which is that jihad in Afghanistan, as you asked earlier, is either obligatory or a fard 'ayn (individual obligation) for all Muslims. Here, there is a disagreement among the shaykhs today. You may have heard from them, as I believe, that it is a fard 'ayn for every able person, while some say it is a fard kifayah (collective obligation). It is well known that the meaning of fard kifayah is that if some people fulfill it, it drops from the rest. So, whoever says it is a fard 'ayn, in that case, does not seek permission from his father, nor his mother, nor his wife. This has details that I will mention later. But whoever says that this jihad is a fard kifayah says: one should consult the parents and seek their permission, based on what is established in *Sahih al-Bukhari* and others: This jihad is the collective jihad, not the individual jihad. Because you know that when the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) established the Muslim state in Madinah al-Munawwarah, he did not go out with all the people, because Madinah would be left empty, for example, of imams, mujahideen, defenders, and so on. Rather, he would take only as many as would help him transfer the call from the circle of Madinah, for example, and al-Ta'if and similar places where Islam had settled, to other directions where people were still upon their shirk (associating partners with Allah) and misguidance. So, jihad in the way of transferring the call is not a fard 'ayn, but rather a fard kifayah. As for jihad in the way of expelling the enemy who has occupied the lands of the Muslims, that is a fard 'ayn.
But this fard 'ayn, in the sense that it includes every able person, is undoubtedly so without any doubt. But now, if we imagine that the millions of Muslims all responded to the call of jihad in the path of Allah, the land of Afghanistan as a whole would not accommodate them. Therefore, the fard 'ayn here is also according to ability; according to ability to settle in the land and for means of defense, food, and drink, and the like, to become available to them.
This amount has never settled in Afghanistan, as evidenced by the fact that the victory and success that accompanied them for the past nine or ten years has stopped. Why did it stop? Because the reinforcements that were coming to them before, whether in weapons, money, food, or personnel, have lagged. Therefore, the jihad has lagged. The idea that this jihad is not a fard 'ayn discourages the spirits. The youth who were eager for jihad in the path of Allah, when they hear contradictory and conflicting statements—this shaykh says it is a fard 'ayn, and that one says it is a fard kifayah; the one who says it is a fard 'ayn says the father and mother are not to be asked for permission, and the other says it is necessary to ask the father and mother for permission—this causes confusion in the minds of the youth who are enthusiastic about jihad in the path of Allah. It causes lethargy, and the victory shrinks upon itself and stops before the enemies. They are neither able to completely eliminate the numbers, which was expected due to the wonderful victories, nor are they defeated, God forbid, and the problem returns as it was before. Therefore, these people must be supported with every means and every strength, whether in equipment or numbers. Yes.
Let us return to those who find strength and readiness in themselves and are included in the general mobilization. These people may have a father or a mother, or both together, yes, from one person to another.
Perhaps the parents are old, for example, and they have a son who serves them. If he goes to jihad, there will be no one left to serve them. So he stays with them, because it is an individual obligation (fard 'ayn) for him to serve them.
But let us assume a second scenario: these old parents have two strong sons. If one goes and the other remains, and the other is righteous and says he will serve his parents, in that case, the one who wants to fight jihad does not consult his parents, because his brother is taking his place. And so on. These are two scenarios now. We can bring another scenario: two strong parents who serve themselves with their own hands and do not need their son to serve them. In this case, he also does not seek their permission, because they do not need him. That is, it is not an individual obligation for him to serve them, because they are performing this duty themselves. Therefore, I say to these young men, when they want to tell me their story that they have parents and a brother, for example, slightly older or slightly younger than them, is it permissible for me?
I cannot say that jihad is obligatory for you or not obligatory for you, because I cannot fully visualize the situation he is living in. Who can visualize it? He, the one who is obligated. Therefore, I say to him: Fear Allah the Exalted and Majestic, and you must know that jihad in Afghanistan is a fard 'ayn until the enemy is expelled from Jalalabad or from the capital Kabul. So, if, for example, these communists leave and the land becomes for the Muslims, in that case, this obligation ends. And the realization of this obligation remains as it is known to everyone. But I cannot say to so-and-so that it is obligatory for you or not obligatory for you, because he has to study the condition of his father, the condition of his mother, if he is alone, the condition of his parents, and the condition of his brother, if this brother or sibling is able to perform the duty that he was performing. All these issues must be studied in detail so that in the end, we can say that it is a fard 'ayn for this person to go to Afghanistan, or that it is not obligatory for him.
The Shaykh : You asked about the authenticity of the hadith, but this is not a hadith; rather, it is the statement of the scholars. The scholars' statement on this issue is agreed upon, with no disagreement. However, the disagreement arises from another angle, which is that jihad in Afghanistan, as you asked earlier, is either obligatory or a fard 'ayn (individual obligation) for all Muslims. Here, there is a disagreement among the shaykhs today. You may have heard from them, as I believe, that it is a fard 'ayn for every able person, while some say it is a fard kifayah (collective obligation). It is well known that the meaning of fard kifayah is that if some people fulfill it, it drops from the rest. So, whoever says it is a fard 'ayn, in that case, does not seek permission from his father, nor his mother, nor his wife. This has details that I will mention later. But whoever says that this jihad is a fard kifayah says: one should consult the parents and seek their permission, based on what is established in *Sahih al-Bukhari* and others:
A man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and said to him: "I have come to fight jihad with you, and I have left my two parents weeping." He said: "Go back to them and make them laugh as you made them weep."
أن رجلاً جاء إلى النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم فقال له: جئت لأجاهد معك وقد تركت أبوي يبكيبان فقال: ارجع إليهما فأضحكهما كما أبكيتهماBut this fard 'ayn, in the sense that it includes every able person, is undoubtedly so without any doubt. But now, if we imagine that the millions of Muslims all responded to the call of jihad in the path of Allah, the land of Afghanistan as a whole would not accommodate them. Therefore, the fard 'ayn here is also according to ability; according to ability to settle in the land and for means of defense, food, and drink, and the like, to become available to them.
This amount has never settled in Afghanistan, as evidenced by the fact that the victory and success that accompanied them for the past nine or ten years has stopped. Why did it stop? Because the reinforcements that were coming to them before, whether in weapons, money, food, or personnel, have lagged. Therefore, the jihad has lagged. The idea that this jihad is not a fard 'ayn discourages the spirits. The youth who were eager for jihad in the path of Allah, when they hear contradictory and conflicting statements—this shaykh says it is a fard 'ayn, and that one says it is a fard kifayah; the one who says it is a fard 'ayn says the father and mother are not to be asked for permission, and the other says it is necessary to ask the father and mother for permission—this causes confusion in the minds of the youth who are enthusiastic about jihad in the path of Allah. It causes lethargy, and the victory shrinks upon itself and stops before the enemies. They are neither able to completely eliminate the numbers, which was expected due to the wonderful victories, nor are they defeated, God forbid, and the problem returns as it was before. Therefore, these people must be supported with every means and every strength, whether in equipment or numbers. Yes.
Let us return to those who find strength and readiness in themselves and are included in the general mobilization. These people may have a father or a mother, or both together, yes, from one person to another.
Perhaps the parents are old, for example, and they have a son who serves them. If he goes to jihad, there will be no one left to serve them. So he stays with them, because it is an individual obligation (fard 'ayn) for him to serve them.
But let us assume a second scenario: these old parents have two strong sons. If one goes and the other remains, and the other is righteous and says he will serve his parents, in that case, the one who wants to fight jihad does not consult his parents, because his brother is taking his place. And so on. These are two scenarios now. We can bring another scenario: two strong parents who serve themselves with their own hands and do not need their son to serve them. In this case, he also does not seek their permission, because they do not need him. That is, it is not an individual obligation for him to serve them, because they are performing this duty themselves. Therefore, I say to these young men, when they want to tell me their story that they have parents and a brother, for example, slightly older or slightly younger than them, is it permissible for me?
I cannot say that jihad is obligatory for you or not obligatory for you, because I cannot fully visualize the situation he is living in. Who can visualize it? He, the one who is obligated. Therefore, I say to him: Fear Allah the Exalted and Majestic, and you must know that jihad in Afghanistan is a fard 'ayn until the enemy is expelled from Jalalabad or from the capital Kabul. So, if, for example, these communists leave and the land becomes for the Muslims, in that case, this obligation ends. And the realization of this obligation remains as it is known to everyone. But I cannot say to so-and-so that it is obligatory for you or not obligatory for you, because he has to study the condition of his father, the condition of his mother, if he is alone, the condition of his parents, and the condition of his brother, if this brother or sibling is able to perform the duty that he was performing. All these issues must be studied in detail so that in the end, we can say that it is a fard 'ayn for this person to go to Afghanistan, or that it is not obligatory for him.