Is it permissible for my wife to say to me, “You are my husband, you are my brother, and you are my father, and you are everything I have in this world”? Does this make me forbidden to her or not?
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The questioner : My wife always says to me: “You are my husband, you are my brother, and you are my father, and you are everything I have in this world.” Does this make me forbidden to her or not?
The Shaykh : I mean...
The questioner : Yes, indeed.
The Shaykh : Does it make me forbidden to her?
The questioner : It makes me forbidden to her.
The Shaykh : The answer is that this statement from her does not make her forbidden to you, because the meaning of her saying, “You are my father and my brother, and the like,” is that you hold in her esteem and care the position of my father and my brother. She does not intend to place you in the category of prohibition as her brother or father. However, even if it were assumed that she did intend that, you would not become forbidden to her, because zihar (likening one's wife to a forbidden relative) does not occur from women to their husbands; rather, it occurs from men to their wives. For this reason, if a woman commits zihar with her husband by saying to him, “You are to me like the back of my father” or “like the back of my brother,” or the like, that does not constitute zihar. However, its ruling is the ruling of an oath, meaning that it is not permissible for her to allow him to have access to her except by paying the expiation for the oath. If she wishes, she may pay the expiation before he enjoys her, and if she wishes, she may pay it afterward.
The expiation for the oath is feeding ten poor people, or clothing them, or freeing a slave. If he finds no means to do so, then he must fast for three consecutive days. Yes.
The questioner : May Allah bless you.
This is a message from the listener Abd al-Rahman Khalid al-Ahmar, a Sudanese resident of al-Qassim. He says in his message:
The Shaykh : I mean...
The questioner : Yes, indeed.
The Shaykh : Does it make me forbidden to her?
The questioner : It makes me forbidden to her.
The Shaykh : The answer is that this statement from her does not make her forbidden to you, because the meaning of her saying, “You are my father and my brother, and the like,” is that you hold in her esteem and care the position of my father and my brother. She does not intend to place you in the category of prohibition as her brother or father. However, even if it were assumed that she did intend that, you would not become forbidden to her, because zihar (likening one's wife to a forbidden relative) does not occur from women to their husbands; rather, it occurs from men to their wives. For this reason, if a woman commits zihar with her husband by saying to him, “You are to me like the back of my father” or “like the back of my brother,” or the like, that does not constitute zihar. However, its ruling is the ruling of an oath, meaning that it is not permissible for her to allow him to have access to her except by paying the expiation for the oath. If she wishes, she may pay the expiation before he enjoys her, and if she wishes, she may pay it afterward.
The expiation for the oath is feeding ten poor people, or clothing them, or freeing a slave. If he finds no means to do so, then he must fast for three consecutive days. Yes.
The questioner : May Allah bless you.
This is a message from the listener Abd al-Rahman Khalid al-Ahmar, a Sudanese resident of al-Qassim. He says in his message: