What is the ruling on marrying off a daughter when she is not informed, and is it required of us to take her opinion?
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The questioner : What is the ruling on marrying off a daughter when she is not informed, and is it required of us to take her opinion?
The Shaykh : Praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds, and I send prayers and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad, and upon his family and all his Companions.
Marrying off a daughter without her knowledge is forbidden, and the contract is not valid unless she approves of it afterwards. This is based on the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him):Sahih al-Bukhari 6968. They asked, "O Messenger of Allah, how does her permission work?" meaning the virgin. He said: . So the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) forbade marrying off a virgin until she is asked for her permission. This hadith is general and includes the father and others. In fact, it is established in Sahih Muslim that the text specifically mentions the father and the virgin, and that it is obligatory for her father to ask for her permission.
This is the stronger position: it is not permissible to marry off a virgin, even if her guardian is her father, until she is asked for her permission. And when she is asked, it is obligatory that she be informed about the groom in a way that leads to knowledge of him. It is not sufficient to say, "A man has proposed to you, shall we marry you off?" Rather, the matter must be clarified, and it must be said, "So-and-so, the son of so-and-so, has proposed to you; his job is such-and-such, and his work is such-and-such." What is known of his religion and character must be made clear to her so that she has knowledge of him. Unless, of course, her father knows that she will delegate the matter to him; in that case, there is no harm in saying, "You have been proposed to, and we want to marry you off." The important point is that it is not permissible for anyone to marry off a woman without her knowledge and permission, whether she is a virgin or a previously married woman, and whether the guardian is her father or someone else.
This is what the Sunnah indicates, and it is a proof from the athar. It is also indicated by reasoning and analogical reasoning (qiyas). The woman will be with her husband for the rest of her life, unless there is a separation initiated by the husband, and the husband is her partner in her life. So how can she be married off without her permission or knowledge, or married off while she is averse to it?
If the father and those below him in guardianship do not have the right to sell even a single coin's worth of her property without her consent, how can it be said that he can marry her to a person she does not want, or to a person before she has been asked for her permission regarding marrying her to him?
If the father and those below him in guardianship do not have the right to lease any of her real estate without her permission, how can he marry her off and allow the husband to make lawful the benefits of her that Allah has made lawful for him, without her knowledge, or with her knowledge but under coercion?
Whoever reflects on the sources and resources of the Shari'ah will know that the Shari'ah does not bring about such a thing; that is, it does not bring about forcing a daughter, or in other words, it does not bring about forcing a woman to marry a person she does not want. It prevents forcing a woman to sell any of her property or lease any of her real estate.
On this occasion, I advise my brothers, the guardians of women, to avoid two great prohibitions in marriage:
The first is forcing a woman to marry someone she does not want. As you have heard, this is forbidden by the Shari'ah, and the marriage is not valid, unless she approves of it afterwards.
The second prohibition is preventing a woman from marrying a suitable match she has accepted. Some guardians exercise control over the women under their guardianship and do not marry them off to anyone but the one they want, not the one the woman wants. You will find that a suitor proposes to his ward, whether she is his daughter, his sister, or any woman over whom he has guardianship, and he refuses and does not marry her off. He does not even consult the woman about it. He rejects the suitor while she is unaware. And how many are the complaints of women about such guardians, whose daughters or sisters or those over whom they have guardianship are proposed to, but they do not marry them off, even though the suitor is suitable in his religion and character. These people have committed two prohibitions:
The first prohibition is disobeying the command of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him), for the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:.
The second prohibition is wronging the woman by preventing her from marrying someone who is worthy of marrying her. The woman has the same instinct and love for marriage as the man. I do not know about this guardian: if someone prevented him from marrying, despite his strong desire for it, would he consider himself a wrongdoer toward him, or would he consider it his right?
The answer is: He will see that he is a wrongdoer toward him and that it is not his right, nor is it permissible for him, to prevent him from marrying despite his strong desire for it, merely for personal whim. So how can he not accept for himself what he accepts for these women over whom Allah has made him a guardian!
So let those guardians beware of this great danger: disobeying the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) and wronging these women who are legally incompetent (qasirah). Yes, if it is assumed that the woman chooses someone who is not suitable in his religion, her guardian has the right to prevent her in this case and to reject the suitor, because the woman is legally incompetent and may choose a person who is not acceptable in his religion, and harm may result from that. For this reason, the Lawgiver made it so that a woman does not marry herself off, but a guardian must marry her off because she is legally incompetent.
The important point is that I warn against those guardians who prevent the women over whom Allah has given them guardianship from marrying someone who is suitable for them in religion and character, because of the two prohibitions we have mentioned.
It happened to me that a woman was on her deathbed, and her guardian was preventing her from marrying and rejecting everyone who proposed to her. There were women with her when death approached her, and she said to them: "Inform my father that he is in a state of difficulty (haraj) because of me, because he prevented me from marrying someone who was worthy of marrying me." She died after that. This is a great matter that a person must be aware of and fear Allah (Mighty and Majestic) regarding the women over whom Allah has given him guardianship.
The Shaykh : Praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds, and I send prayers and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad, and upon his family and all his Companions.
Marrying off a daughter without her knowledge is forbidden, and the contract is not valid unless she approves of it afterwards. This is based on the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him):
A virgin should not be married till she is asked for her consent; and the matron should not be married till she is asked whether she agrees to marry or not.
لا تنكح البكر حتى تستأذن ولا تنكح الأيم حتى تستأمرThat she remains silent.
أن تسكتThis is the stronger position: it is not permissible to marry off a virgin, even if her guardian is her father, until she is asked for her permission. And when she is asked, it is obligatory that she be informed about the groom in a way that leads to knowledge of him. It is not sufficient to say, "A man has proposed to you, shall we marry you off?" Rather, the matter must be clarified, and it must be said, "So-and-so, the son of so-and-so, has proposed to you; his job is such-and-such, and his work is such-and-such." What is known of his religion and character must be made clear to her so that she has knowledge of him. Unless, of course, her father knows that she will delegate the matter to him; in that case, there is no harm in saying, "You have been proposed to, and we want to marry you off." The important point is that it is not permissible for anyone to marry off a woman without her knowledge and permission, whether she is a virgin or a previously married woman, and whether the guardian is her father or someone else.
This is what the Sunnah indicates, and it is a proof from the athar. It is also indicated by reasoning and analogical reasoning (qiyas). The woman will be with her husband for the rest of her life, unless there is a separation initiated by the husband, and the husband is her partner in her life. So how can she be married off without her permission or knowledge, or married off while she is averse to it?
If the father and those below him in guardianship do not have the right to sell even a single coin's worth of her property without her consent, how can it be said that he can marry her to a person she does not want, or to a person before she has been asked for her permission regarding marrying her to him?
If the father and those below him in guardianship do not have the right to lease any of her real estate without her permission, how can he marry her off and allow the husband to make lawful the benefits of her that Allah has made lawful for him, without her knowledge, or with her knowledge but under coercion?
Whoever reflects on the sources and resources of the Shari'ah will know that the Shari'ah does not bring about such a thing; that is, it does not bring about forcing a daughter, or in other words, it does not bring about forcing a woman to marry a person she does not want. It prevents forcing a woman to sell any of her property or lease any of her real estate.
On this occasion, I advise my brothers, the guardians of women, to avoid two great prohibitions in marriage:
The first is forcing a woman to marry someone she does not want. As you have heard, this is forbidden by the Shari'ah, and the marriage is not valid, unless she approves of it afterwards.
The second prohibition is preventing a woman from marrying a suitable match she has accepted. Some guardians exercise control over the women under their guardianship and do not marry them off to anyone but the one they want, not the one the woman wants. You will find that a suitor proposes to his ward, whether she is his daughter, his sister, or any woman over whom he has guardianship, and he refuses and does not marry her off. He does not even consult the woman about it. He rejects the suitor while she is unaware. And how many are the complaints of women about such guardians, whose daughters or sisters or those over whom they have guardianship are proposed to, but they do not marry them off, even though the suitor is suitable in his religion and character. These people have committed two prohibitions:
The first prohibition is disobeying the command of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him), for the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:
When there comes to you one whose religion and character you are pleased with, marry her. If you do not do so, there will be a fitnah on the earth or great corruption. Or he said: "Or a great corruption."
إذا أتاكم من ترضون دينه وخلقه فأنكحوه إلا تفعلوه تكن فتنة في الأرض أو فساد كبير أو قال عريضThe second prohibition is wronging the woman by preventing her from marrying someone who is worthy of marrying her. The woman has the same instinct and love for marriage as the man. I do not know about this guardian: if someone prevented him from marrying, despite his strong desire for it, would he consider himself a wrongdoer toward him, or would he consider it his right?
The answer is: He will see that he is a wrongdoer toward him and that it is not his right, nor is it permissible for him, to prevent him from marrying despite his strong desire for it, merely for personal whim. So how can he not accept for himself what he accepts for these women over whom Allah has made him a guardian!
So let those guardians beware of this great danger: disobeying the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) and wronging these women who are legally incompetent (qasirah). Yes, if it is assumed that the woman chooses someone who is not suitable in his religion, her guardian has the right to prevent her in this case and to reject the suitor, because the woman is legally incompetent and may choose a person who is not acceptable in his religion, and harm may result from that. For this reason, the Lawgiver made it so that a woman does not marry herself off, but a guardian must marry her off because she is legally incompetent.
The important point is that I warn against those guardians who prevent the women over whom Allah has given them guardianship from marrying someone who is suitable for them in religion and character, because of the two prohibitions we have mentioned.
It happened to me that a woman was on her deathbed, and her guardian was preventing her from marrying and rejecting everyone who proposed to her. There were women with her when death approached her, and she said to them: "Inform my father that he is in a state of difficulty (haraj) because of me, because he prevented me from marrying someone who was worthy of marrying me." She died after that. This is a great matter that a person must be aware of and fear Allah (Mighty and Majestic) regarding the women over whom Allah has given him guardianship.