What is the ruling on kissing hands, specifically the hands of one's parents, given that custom has become established regarding this?

Eid Abbasi : The following is one of the questions: What is the ruling on kissing the hands of one's parents? And what is the answer to the objection that says: Nothing has come in the Shari'ah commanding this or forbidding it; rather, what came was the command to be humble toward them, to be dutiful to them, and to lower the wing of humility to them? Also, it is reported that more than one person kissed the hand of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and others. The methods that achieve this are subject to custom, and people in our society have become accustomed to considering this to be part of dutifulness. So what is the answer to this objection? And what is the ruling on the issue?

The Shaykh : I say—and I seek help from Allah—that this objection is based on ignorance of Islam, unfortunately. This Islam, one of whose principles is what the Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah states in the most concise phrase when he says: "The default in acts of worship is prohibition unless there is evidence, and the default in customs is permissibility unless there is evidence." And this, of course, was not a principle unless the scriptural proofs converged upon it. Therefore, everyone who wants to deem something good on the claim that people have become accustomed to it or agreed upon it, and it was not in the time of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him and his family), must keep this principle in mind. Based on it, he should look at this newly invented matter that is customary among people: is the intention only to say it is permissible because no explicit prohibition has come regarding it, or is the intention more than that, which is to say it is recommended? If it is the first case, I return now to the question: If the questioner intends to say that kissing the hand of the parents is permissible, a permissibility that is not accompanied by a preference or prioritization over its opposite, which is leaving it off, if he means this, then his speech, which resembles the speech of jurists, is applicable here. If he means by this speech that this is a permissible matter, and the permissible matter in jurisprudence is equal in its two sides, doing and leaving off; meaning: whoever does it is not blamed, and whoever leaves it off is not blamed; then, first, does the questioner intend this? My answer is: No.
Second: Is kissing, in the Shari'ah, an ordinary matter or is it an act of devotion that is done where it came and left off where it did not come? As for the fact that the questioner does not intend only to say that this kissing of the hands of the parents is a permissible matter equal in its two sides, that is clear; because he cited the verse, and the verse, at the very least, implies the recommendation of humility toward the parents, , . This is a matter, this is a matter, and the least that this matter implies regarding lowering the wing to the parents is recommendation, without doubt or ambiguity. So, since he cited the verse, he means by that to establish that kissing the hand of the father or mother is a recommended matter and not just a permissible matter. And when that is the case, we say to him: The custom that is cited as evidence for its permissibility, or even its recommendation, as a custom, is not suitable to be a legislator; especially if this custom is a transient, newly occurred, innovated matter, as is the case in our lives today; because the custom that contradicts the inherited Islamic etiquettes in the books of hadith and the books of the scholars, among those who are precise, has no value or weight at all.
And I said: Kissing is not just a custom, but rather it is either a prescribed act of worship, or it is an act of worship that is not prescribed. When it is a prescribed act of worship, it is recommended or above that. And when it is an act of worship that is not prescribed, it falls under the generality of his saying (peace and blessings be upon him): . This universal principle and this Islamic legal rule—unfortunately—many scholars overlook it, let alone students of knowledge, let alone those who have nothing of knowledge but the name; even though the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him and his family) used to repeat this principle every Friday before the Friday sermon, as you hear us do before every lesson, following the Messenger (peace be upon him), saying: . He (peace and blessings be upon him) used to repeat this principle every Friday; why? The Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah said in his book "Iqtida' al-Sirat al-Mustaqim Mukhalafat Ahl al-Jahim": "So that this principle is firmly established in the minds of the listeners so that they do not go astray from it." Unfortunately, the majority of Muslims have gone astray from it, and even many of their elites. So here you hear him say: There is no prohibition on a son kissing the hand of his father or mother. And what is the weight of this hadith for him and those like him when it is present in his saying (peace be upon him): ?
Ignorance of this principle and its like leads some of the pseudo-scholars to say in every newly occurred matter: My brother, there is no prohibition against it!! My dear, the Messenger (peace be upon him) established a rule for you, saying: . This suffices you from hundreds, indeed thousands, of texts; to tell you: such a matter is forbidden, such a matter is forbidden; meaning this innovation that occurs every day, an innovation that cannot be enumerated, so he came to you with a rule to relieve you from these texts that cannot be comprehended: . Neglect of this principle leads these people to deem many innovations acceptable on the claim that the Prophet (peace be upon him) did not forbid them, and we argue with them with many innovations for which we do not lack dozens...
... the righteous Salaf truly understood the religion and understood from the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) what he aimed at with such a principle: ; therefore we find 'Umar ibn al-Khattab (may Allah be pleased with him), when he performed Hajj during his caliphate and stood before the Black Stone wanting to kiss it, said: "By Allah, I know that you are a stone that does not harm or benefit, and were it not that I saw the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) kissing you, I would not have kissed you." What does this speech of 'Umar ibn al-Khattab, which he proclaimed in the presence of many people, pilgrims and many others, give us? It means that kissing falls under the subject of following where it came, and falls under the subject of innovation where it did not come and was not established. This is the meaning of the speech of the Rightly Guided Caliph. And glory to Allah!! How quick are such people to cite some sayings of the Rightly Guided Caliphs, or some of them, when they have an interest in it!! And how strong is their forgetting of such an argument when it is against them!! So this 'Umar ibn al-Khattab is speaking to the Black Stone, of course the Black Stone does not hear, but this is in the category of: "The speech is for you, O daughter-in-law, and listen, O neighbor"; meaning listen, O people, I am saying: The Black Stone, I know that you are a stone that does not harm or benefit, but know that I do not kiss it except because I saw the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) kissing it; so this hadith alone gives us that kissing cannot be forced into the category of ordinary matters where if custom has passed, the matter is broad; no, kissing is an act of worship where it was prescribed, and an innovation where it was not prescribed.
From this, we say: This argumentation is, first of all, a deviation from the aforementioned legal principle, which I conveyed to you from Ibn Taymiyyah, and I mentioned some of its evidence to you; , . Furthermore, it is a neglect of understanding the religion as the Companions understood it, led by 'Umar ibn al-Khattab. He said: "I do not want to kiss the Stone, for it neither harms nor benefits, but I saw the Messenger of Allah kissing it, so I submit." This is the affair of the believer. So, if we were to follow the example of 'Umar ibn al-Khattab and enter upon our father and mother, and we said to the honorable father and honorable mother: "Were it not that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) did not legislate for us to kiss the hand of the father or mother, I would have kissed it"—meaning, the opposite of what? 'Umar's position? Because the situation there is different from here. There, he knew that the Messenger kissed it, so he kissed it. But if he knew that he did not kiss it; he did not kiss it. Do we know that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) legislated for the Companions to kiss the hands of their fathers and mothers? The answer is: No. Did a report come, even in a weak hadith, or let us descend and say: even in a fabricated hadith, that any of the Companions, when entering upon his father or mother, would kiss his hand or her hand? None of that was the case. So how is it permissible for one who has correct knowledge to argue in such a matter with a newly arisen custom, a newly occurring custom, that people have agreed upon?
Suppose people agreed among themselves to kiss something else, and I give you a sensitive example that these people are afflicted with: they agreed to kiss the Noble Qur'an. What would they say? Without doubt, they would say the same as they said regarding kissing the hand of the father, because the hand of the father or mother is not more sacred to them than the Noble Qur'an, which contains the speech of the Almighty Allah. Do you think it is recommended, is it mustahabb, to kiss the Noble Qur'an? Of course, you will find people saying: Yes, my brother, this is honoring the speech of Allah, and so on. We say: No. Honoring the speech of Allah is by following it, not by kissing its papers and decorating its pages. In reality, this is what Satan beautifies for the children of Adam, diverting them from what is important to what is absolutely unimportant. He convinces them that kissing it is sufficient for your respect and honoring of the Qur'an.
There are many examples of this in our lives today. I see, and as I walk on the road, we are afflicted by passing—for example—by a coffee shop where there is chess, and billiards, and the forbidden dice, and so on. The first thing some of them hear—not all of them!—some of them hear the adhan, and they stand up. What is this standing? Honoring, my brother, the majesty of Allah (Mighty and Majestic), and the adhan which contains tawhid and the two testimonies, and so on! Satan has convinced them that this standing exempts them from going to the mosque. Hey, it is honoring, and the matter is done. Whereas the true standing is when you hear him saying: Allahu Akbar, you are not in a state of wudu', you rush off. You hear him after that, and you are in a state of wudu', saying: Hayya 'ala al-salah. You actually go and pray with the congregation of the Muslims. This is the true honoring of this adhan. So Satan has diverted these Muslims from this honoring that the Master of the Messengers brought to a formal, superficial honoring. And this can be applied to most, if not all, of what people have innovated after the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him).
Let us return to this kissing, the kissing of the hand of the father. This research reminds me of a brother of ours who passed away a few months ago—may Allah have mercy on him. He was an ordinary man, and he used to attend our old lessons with some of our old brothers. He was a man of jokes and humor despite his illiteracy. At that time, I was still practicing the profession of repairing watches in my shop. His house was near my shop, so on most days he would visit me. From time to time, he would bring a person to me and enter with complete calm and complete, somewhat affected humility, displaying a kind of meekness. He was good, I mean. He would say: "I am introducing you to so-and-so, so-and-so ibn so-and-so. He is dutiful to his parents. Every morning he wakes up and kisses the hand of his mother and his father, but he does not pray to Allah!" So he is pleasing to his parents, but the Lord of the Worlds is angry with him! [Everyone laughs!]
In reality, we see this phenomenon. The father and mother are convinced, especially, by the son displaying this meekness and this submission and this humility to the parents. As for commanding him to maintain the prayer, to purify his soul, and so on, they are satisfied with each other with this hypocrisy that I call social hypocrisy. The two married parents are satisfied with the son by this obedience that does not cost him anything other than what? Bringing this hand. And he is satisfied with this obedience as well, especially since he may find someone who issues a fatwa that this is from the humility and submission to the parents that the command came for in the Noble Qur'an. From this, from such an example, and there are many, many examples, we increase every day in faith that the truth, as the Messenger (peace be upon him) used to say: . My brothers, if this speech does not enter your minds in the manner of arithmetic—for example—which all people share in knowing, then believe. Believe, it is better for you. Believe that the best of guidance is the guidance of Muhammad. Believe that this standing that people have become accustomed to for the shaykhs and for non-shaykhs is not of Islam in any way, and not of the religion in any way, and not of the recommended matters in any way. It is not of the honoring and respect for the Muslim at all. Believe that this kissing that people do today with the shaykhs, let alone their fathers and mothers, is not of Islam in any way. So we must develop our lives and make them approach, day by day, even step by step, to what life was like in the era of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), in the era of the best of generations, after which the earth will not find a purer, better, and further from evil era than that pure era.
This is a word regarding the answer to the previous question. Kissing the hand of the parents is not a worship in any way, and it is not included in the verse that he mentioned. Because if it were so, the quickest people to implement it would have been the Companions with their fathers and mothers. Especially as he mentioned in passing that this kissing is not a newly occurring matter, so that he would say: "By Allah, they did not pay attention to it." No, kissing is a known, old, and very old custom, until kissing reached the stones. But some of it is legislation, as you heard regarding the Black Stone, and some of it is not legislation, such as kissing all the stones, kissing the windows of the awliya (close friends of Allah) and the righteous, their graves, and the like. All of this is what some scholars, even from the later ones, even from those who are not known to be meticulous in the science of Sunnah and bid'ah (religious innovation), like the shaykh "Muhammad al-Ghazali," explicitly state. He mentions that kissing graves and touching them is from the practice of the Jews and the Christians. So, kissing is not something new as a reality, but it is something new as making it a religion, praising the one who does it, and then blaming the one who leaves it.
Here I must remind you of something, and then we will conclude this gathering and move on to another, if Allah wills. We see a father or a mother getting angry because there is a righteous son who has grown up, to some extent, in obedience to Allah. I say “to some extent” because, unfortunately, the times do not help today’s youth to be like the youth of the Companions. He has also grown up, to some extent, in adherence to the Sunnah; he listens and learns. Yet he does not kiss his father’s or mother’s hand, so they get angry at him. We know from many fathers that they get angry when some of their sons leave off something that, at the very least, is not disobedience to Allah and His Messenger. Despite this, they get angry. Meanwhile, there are other sons who do not pray, and perhaps do not fast, yet the fathers are pleased with them. Why? Because they are hypocritical toward them and kiss their hands. A person like this, who does not pray or fast, does not care about kissing the hand, even if it were forbidden, as long as his father is pleased with him and his mother is pleased with him; so he will do this kissing. This distinction is very clear. This one who does not pray or fast and falls short in obedience to Allah (Mighty and Majestic) in many matters, they do not stand up against him at all. But this young man who is growing up in obedience to Allah, who should be encouraged to continue in this obedience and increase in it, the fathers and mothers get angry at him. Why? Because he has departed from the prevailing custom, which is kissing the hand morning and evening.
This is a reminder, and a reminder benefits the believers. And another reminder for the youth themselves, because I know, from my own experience, that some of these youth also mistreat their fathers; that is, they contravene the Shari'ah. We do not favor the youth at the expense of what? Their fathers and mothers. Just as we do not do the opposite, but rather we speak the truth: some of our brothers, the young Salafis who follow the Book and the Sunnah, mistreat their fathers. For example, they might shout in their faces while they are reading the Qur'an with us. The verse mentioned earlier is: . So, you, O young man, when you claim that you want to act according to the Book and the Sunnah, do not confine your zeal to the matters in which we differ from society. Because in some people, what kills them is what? The love of showing off. And “the love of showing off cuts off showing off,” as the Sufis say. And I have told you repeatedly: not every word the Sufis say is false. They say with us: “There is no god but Allah, Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah.” Do we invalidate that? No. Likewise, they say: “The love of showing off cuts off showing off.” This is a correct statement. Therefore, some of our brothers among the youth may be dominated by this, and I do not name any specific person among them, for each one knows his own state. They may be dominated by the desire to show off in this society that I am a Salafi, that I follow the Book and the Sunnah, that I contradict the entire society in all its customs, and so on. This dominates them, and then they forget to participate with this society in its correct deeds that conform to the Book and the Sunnah. Among these is: .
So, if we want to be sincere in our adherence to the Book and the Sunnah with our fathers, mothers, and relatives, it must not be confined only to negative matters. “I do not kiss him, I do not kiss his hand,” but then you come and mistreat him, shout in his face, and say to him: “Ugh, what is this?” ... This is absolutely not permissible. If the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said regarding women in the presence of men, addressing the men: , women are like captives in the hands of what? Their husbands; because Allah (Mighty and Majestic) gave them authority over them. So the son must know that he is like a captive in the hands of his father and mother. What does a captive do with his master? Does he shout in his face? Does he look down on him? None of that is done. He fears. You must fear your Lord in your treatment of your father and mother; so do not mistreat them even if they mistreat you. You must bear it. But this does not compel you to contravene the Book and the Sunnah.
So, there are two matters that must be distinguished. Do not obey your father in what contradicts the Book and the Sunnah. But present to them something that shows them that you are applying the Book and the Sunnah in other matters that are mentioned in the Book and the Sunnah. Among these is: .
And this is sufficient, and praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds.