Is it permissible for a father who wants to prevent certain people from proposing to his daughter to do so for one reason or another?

The questioner : Is it permissible for a father to prevent a proposal from reaching his daughter, or to keep her occupied so that the proposal does not come through?

The Shaykh : Your question is muddled. You need to mention the reason.

The questioner : Professor, a man wants to propose to a girl. Is it permissible for the girl's father to prevent this proposal from reaching her, or to not ask her, "So-and-so is proposing to you"?

The Shaykh : How is it not permissible?

The questioner : How?

The Shaykh : How is it not permissible?

The questioner : I mean, is it permissible or not permissible?

The Shaykh : How?

The questioner : I mean, let us suppose an example. A man comes to propose...

The Shaykh : He proposed to my daughter.

The questioner : Yes, I came to propose to your daughter. I mean, if the man is suitable, but there are other matters, and we do not want to tell the girl the matter, she needs to finish her studies or something similar?

The Shaykh : Who is the one who does not want to tell? The father, I mean?

The questioner : The father, yes.

The Shaykh : Yes.
If the father refrains in order to achieve a legitimate religious interest for the girl, then this is not only permissible, but it is obligatory upon him. However, if the father wants to not achieve this interest, and the girl is of marriageable age, and the suitor is also suitable for marriage, and there is no obstacle or at least a legitimate excuse that prevents the guardian... It is good to point out, on the occasion of this question, that perhaps the questioner is not focusing on this.

The questioner : Clarification.

The Shaykh : Clarification, and perhaps there is some revelation involved, even though we do not believe in it.

The questioner : Yes, is that possible?

The Shaykh : Oh?

The questioner : Is it possible?

The Shaykh : It is possible. Many people think that if the girl's guardian refrains for some reason, that the reason is not legitimate, whereas it may be legitimate. For example, I give a reported example: The Master of Mankind (peace and blessings be upon him) was approached by the Master of the Companions, Abu Bakr al-Siddiq, who proposed to him for his daughter Fatimah. He refused. What do we say about this refusal? Is there a legitimate excuse or not? This is the one who was with him in the cave, in the narrowest of places, proposing for his daughter, and he refuses him. But this is so that the soul that commands evil does not move, even though it is Abu Bakr al-Siddiq. Because the soul commands evil, he (peace be upon him) mentions the reason to him and says: .
If a man of advanced age came to me, for example, and a person came to propose for my daughter, and as they say, the girl is fourteen years old, and the suitor is forty years old, for example, I would assess the matter and find that there is no compatibility between this naive girl and this mature man, so I would decline. He might say: "Hey, the Shaykh contradicted the Shari'ah. Why?" Because he did not apply his (peace be upon him) saying: . We say: No, because there are other reasons that the Wise Lawgiver, who is the Lord of the Worlds, considers, and our noble Messenger (peace be upon him) conveys to us, either by word or by practical application, and this is part of that application. I said: We will give a reported example, and this is the reported example: . The complete hadith, for the sake of completing the benefit: 'Umar came after Abu Bakr and proposed for her, and he also rejected him. When 'Ali came, the Messenger (peace be upon him) agreed.

The questioner : ...'Umar?

The Shaykh : Yes?

The questioner : Did 'Umar come the second time?

The Shaykh : 'Umar the second time, yes. Then 'Ali came and the Messenger (peace be upon him) agreed. And as you know, our Lord blessed their offspring, and from them came al-Hasan and al-Husayn. But I want to say now another example, and I say this based on independent legal reasoning, derivation, and understanding of the religion. Many of our good, sincere brothers who are keen to adhere to the religion seem to think, or it occurs to them, to marry a second wife. So I advise them and say: Do not do it. And although I do not say, and may I be protected from being like those who forbid the second, third, and fourth wives contrary to the Qur'anic text, and say: "It is not permissible to have a second wife or more except out of dire necessity," this is a mistake, for it contradicts the texts of the Book and the Sunnah. But I say, as some scholars say regarding a Muslim marrying a woman from the People of the Book: It is permissible for a Muslim to marry a Christian or Jewish woman by the text of the Noble Qur'an. But circumstances arise that suspend the execution of this ruling, just as our current circumstance does. So I say: It is not permissible for a Muslim today to marry a Christian or Jewish woman. This is not a contradiction of His (Glorified and Exalted is He) saying: . No, may Allah protect us from that. But it is out of consideration for the interest, or for the time in which the Muslim society has become corrupt. Whereas the aforementioned verse was revealed specifically for that Muslim society, in which if strangers joined it, such as disbelieving women from among the Christians and Jews, as they say today in the language of the modern age, "to be absorbed," meaning to be integrated into the Islamic environment, even if they live on their religion and belief, in terms of their general outward behavior, they are with Islam. And perhaps whoever among you is of advanced age like me, but may Allah will it, you are all young, remembers that the Christians, indeed the Christian women and Jewish women, in some Islamic countries, in our Syria, used to wear the "maliyyah az-zamm," which is what Muslim women wear today.

The questioner : ... .

The Shaykh : Yes?

The questioner : Like a Muslim woman.

The Shaykh : Even now. How is this? They were influenced by the society they lived in, which was an Islamic society, and they are still on what? Their religion and belief. Now, if we want to bring a Christian or Jewish woman into our home, we will add to the mud more wetness, and to the drum more noise. We cannot even make our Muslim women walk according to what? Our religion and the morals of our Shari'ah. So how can we be with those who are completely foreign to our religion, who are the Jewish and Christian women? Therefore, we say: He errs most severely who marries, especially in the West, someone who is not Muslim. Because many problems will result, and you may have heard of some of them, so we turn away from discussing them.
We return to the Muslim society we live in today. The Muslim society, women and men, their thinking is infected, their thinking is loaded with non-Islamic ideas, among which is that it is not permissible for a man to marry a second wife. These are Western ideas that some pens belonging to Islam carried and inserted into books with Islamic slogans. These ideas emerged through these means from publications and radio stations, especially Egyptian radio stations. So there is a general awareness in the Muslim society, but it is wrong, that it is not permissible for a person to marry except out of dire necessity. So the girls, even the Muslim ones, because of the corrupt environment they live in, do not have the readiness to live with a co-wife. Why? Because she is an enemy, especially after these ideas were loaded with these charged concepts. So when I, and I am as keen as they are to adhere to the Shari'ah, I and my children, when I want to give my daughter to a man who has a wife, and I do not judge that my daughter will be a good woman and wife for this husband who has a wife, and I know that she is virtuous, as they say, although this is incorrect language, but she is adherent to morals, but this jealousy is a fitrah and a nature.
Then there is another matter with us; I wonder about the wife who is with this suitor—do you think she will also be like that with my daughter? So, I will not agree to marry my daughter to this man who wants to marry on top of his wife. And I repeat this entire research to your ears: if the man is excused, that is one thing; but if he is not excused, meaning he is a tyrant, and he embodies the hadith that came in *Sahih* that a woman came to the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) to consult him, saying: "O Messenger of Allah, Abu Jahm and Mu'awiyah have proposed to me." These two were among the Companions of the Prophet who proposed to her. So she was consulting the Prophet, seeking his advice on which of the two she should marry. From the wisdom and intellect of the Prophet, he did not say to her: "Marry so-and-so" or "Marry so-and-so else." Rather, he explained the flaw of each of them regarding the feelings and emotions of women. He said (peace be upon him): meaning he is poor. And women want a man who is prominent, who has a reputation, who has status in society by any means and by any path. And . And this is an example of what I am saying; perhaps this suitor is of the type of this man about whom the Prophet said: . For the slightest of reasons, he beats this woman. So if the woman makes a commotion and the earth becomes narrow for her despite its vastness, and she can no longer bear him or respond to him, neither in service nor in intimacy nor in anything else, then he wants to marry on top of her. So here the problem is greater. Therefore, it is not befitting for you to think that if a guardian of a woman refrains from marrying his daughter off for one of these reasons, that is wrong. We gave, for example, Abu Bakr proposing to Fatimah when he did not have a wife at that time, for example, but he refused because the excuse was her young age. Here, we are now bringing up an example of a case that is not young age, but the case of polygamy. And the Islamic society today is not prepared to live with two wives and be happy with this husband who wants to live between what? Two wives. There is nothing sweeter than a man who has two wives who are like sisters, understanding each other. But you know that it is not permissible in the Shari'ah for one to marry what? Two sisters. Why? Because the two sisters will become co-wives, and when they become co-wives, they will become enemies, so there will be severing of family ties. And this is from the wisdom of the Shari'ah of Islam that it prohibited a man from combining two sisters except what has already passed.
Other than that?

Another questioner : Shall I comment on the question?

The Shaykh : Your need.

Another questioner : Shall I comment on the question?

The Shaykh : All right; go ahead. Your question does not burden us to give another lesson!

The questioner : Was there jealousy, Professor?

The Shaykh : Yes?

The questioner : Was there jealousy, if jealousy is one of the reasons for prohibition, was there jealousy among the wives of the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) or not? If it was with the Mothers of the Believers, then the matter will be easy if it is with the general people or the common folk?

The Shaykh : Your question, stay in your place. We, of course, like you, do not deny what is established in the Shari'ah. The jealousy of women is a reality. And if you wish, I will also tell you a story so that you increase in faith with me regarding the jealousy of women. One of the wives of the Messenger entered the house of the Lady Aisha carrying a tray with food in it. So Aisha became jealous, and the tray broke into two pieces, and she threw the tray on the ground and broke it. So the answer of the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) was the answer of a calm man. He said: , meaning the one who broke the vessel must compensate for it, and the one who spilled the food must compensate for it. Perhaps I do not know if you are like my story or not? I do not think that between the co-wives of today this jealousy will happen. Do you know why? Not because the co-wives of the last age are better than the women of the Messenger, but because there is nothing to be jealous of as one is jealous of the Messenger [everyone laughs!]. So the point is that jealousy is a natural matter. But you forgot what we explained: that now there is excessive jealousy plus corruption in upbringing. Do not forget this fact: excessive jealousy plus corruption in upbringing; whether from the old wife or from the new, sudden wife, or from both of them together. Do you see? Do not forget this fact.
Yes.